


The Coordinates Of Heaven

by JanaTearce



Category: 07-Ghost
Genre: Afterlife, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Death, Established Relationship, Family Issues, Gen, Implied Relationships, Not Really Character Death, Post-Canon, Reunited and It Feels So Good, Seven Ghost Lore
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-13
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-01-24 05:21:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 55,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1593044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JanaTearce/pseuds/JanaTearce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being dead isn't so bad, if that means spending time with Gido and getting to explore the strange place called heaven. Only that things never stay as they are and Frau has to befriend the idea of sharing the place and new life with someone he really doesn't want in any of it. Because if Teito gets his revenge Ayanami dies and when that happens he gets to be stuck with the rest of them. That just seems to be the tip of the iceberg though...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: Significant Annoyance

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [To the Silver Night Sky](https://archiveofourown.org/works/345102) by [Branch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Branch/pseuds/Branch). 



> Attention everyone: This work was not only inspired by To The Silver Night Sky, it's meant to be a continuation of those events! So if you haven't read it yet, you can do so by clicking the link above. I'd recommend reading it beforehand, you're not going to regret it. However it's not a necessity. Enjoy your stay!
> 
> UPDATE: Hi everyone! I'm really sorry to cause some confusion to those of you who've been with me since the beginning. So the story has been finished for a while, I just couldn't bring myself to upload it since, well I had rearranged a whole bunch of shit to make the flow nicer. And I just couldn't bear going over my writing once again to check for plot holes, so it has been lying around for a loooong time. Now I feel confident enough to say I didn't create any major fuck ups, so I will finally publish it all. Finish to start. The content is still very much the same, which is part of why I decided to keep this work and don't delete it and repost it. I hope you'll like my ending <3 Have fun reading!

**Gido**

The stack of papers and documents on Ayanami's desk seemed to be worse than never ending. Gido was certain that for each stack that Ayanami cleared a new one appeared out of seemingly thin air.

Actually Hyuuga's desk. They all emerged from Hyuuga's desk and Gido knew that very well, doubting that it would actually kill people if the other actually did his desk work once in a while.

“We're not running out of zaiphon,” Gido stated, tapping his pen against the paper. “That's bullshit.”

Ayanami seemed to stifle a groan and composed himself to a sigh. “I told you not read any of it. It's none of your business. Just keep sorting, if you...” Ayanami only sighed. “Nevermind.” There wasn't going to be an end to this and of that both of them were well aware. “What are you even doing there?” His voice rose with just the smallest hint of panic.

“Relax, I'm writing summaries, so you don't have to read the same boring paragraphs twenty five times over,” Gido stated without looking up from his notes.

Ayanami's office was a tidy space for all but his desk, which no matter how hard he tried was always cluttered with stacks of papers and folders and clipboards, pens and coffee mugs. A single lamp lit the space which felt unnaturally cramped in the otherwise spick-and-span room.

“If you get ink stains all over them I'll make you re-type every page, is that clear?” Ayanami replied instead of questioning whether Gido was actually qualified for his new-found job or criticising Gido's seldom legible handwriting.

The answer amused Gido. Somewhere along the way Ayanami had stopped questioning his every action and seemingly accepted that Gido was going to stick around for better or worse.

Examining his cold half empty cup of coffee Ayanami gave the papers a rest for the time being.

“More coffee?” Gido offered. It was one of the few tasks Ayanami allowed him.

“No...” Though Ayanami sounded uncertain. He seemed tired, though unwilling to sleep – a notion that Gido was awkwardly familiar with. “More coffee,” with a sigh Ayanami offered his cup for Gido to take.

“Sure,” Gido replied and took both his and Ayanami's mug to refill them. When he came back, whatever had been churning in Ayanami's mind seemed to have formed into clear words. “So...” Gido sat back down across from him. “What is it?”

Tapping a pen down onto a close folder Ayanami pressed his lips together. “I did a bit of research... on that mark of yours.”

Gido slid Ayanami's cup into his open hand. “And?” There was more on his mind, but with no knowledge of what Ayanami had come up with he didn't want to go any further.

Ever since Gido had explained to Ayanami why he was being such a _clingy annoyance_ – as to put it in Ayanami's words – the other had grown seemingly more lax with orders around him. As if trying to re-evaluate what to do with Gido.

“It's illegal.”

Gido snorted. “Yeah.” It was all he could come up with.

There was a frown on Ayanami's face which only showed when something bugged him.“You despise your father and yet you refuse to sentence him to death with the means you have. It would spare you your claim if... what sort of punishment do you think you're inflicting on him by keeping him alive?” 

For a moment Gido could only open his mouth and stare, till he remembered there could be a purpose to what he was doing and lit a cigarette. At which Ayanami visibly wrinkled his nose, but surprisingly allowed it for the time being. “None,” Gido admitted, deflating back into his chair. “But that's not how I want to die. Have you read the law on it?”

A glance at the paper stacks surrounding them was Ayanami's only answer and under different circumstances that would have been funny.

“They would kill him, and they would kill me... since I'm not supposed to exist,” Gido's voice had grown unusually quiet.

“You _are_ dead.” Ayanami stated matter of factly. “Dead as can be for all that I know, you could fake it.” 

At this point Gido couldn't hold back the laughter. “Awesome headline, you got there: Prodigal son returns to sentence his father to death, the proceeds to fake his own death to go back to being a pirate!” Gido painted an arc into the air with his hands as if to form a display for the words.

The reaction Ayanami gave was a barely visible lift of the corners of his mouth. Shaking his head Ayanami went back to work and silence settled over them once again.

Until one of them would come up with another question or comment and they would find five more minutes of idle conversation within the depths of Ayanami's paper stacks.

“You're lucky you can't use zaiphon...” Ayanami muttered out of the blue. Confused Gido studied the other's glum expression, till Ayanami concluded his statement with _nevermind_ and a look as if Gido had caught him thinking out loud.

Outside the sky was barely lighting up with the first rays of the morning sun. It would take some more hours till either of them would feel tired though. Sleep would come easier in the morning, when there were less demons to fight off and keep at bay.

Then the Ghosts and Verloren would return to being fairy tales, and Gido would go back to being no more with a pirate with no clue about how Zehel's blood had come into his veins. It bore a strange comfort to have no need for pretence.


	2. Chapter One: Starts With One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found that I couldn't cut this up in any way, so I decided not to. It would have rather hurt the story than anything else. I wrote this one two years ago just for myself because I finally wanted to get this story out of my head. It hadn't been meant to be published at first, but I don't regret the decision. It was much fun to write this story! So I guess, think of this as some sort of introduction.

Heaven was something to get used to.

And you had to.

There was hardly any other way once you were dead, and Frau still wasn't completely over it. It had been several weeks since he'd been dead (… or months, or something like that, since he had lost track of time at a certain point), and Gido kept telling him to be patient and relax.

Wherever Gido was getting that from.

Frau still remembered Gido having quite a temper whilst alive. Maybe by now it had settled, Frau mused. He had come to despise that word, as Gido was definitely overusing it.

A smirk curled up at the corners of his mouth as he rolled over and fell flat onto his stomach. A soft groan stifled by the mattress escaped his lips. Cold. – _Cold sheets._ This was not how it was supposed to be. It was outrageous. Kicking at the sheets, Frau struggled to pull them over his head. He would never get used to this place and he would certainly never leave his bed again, whether Gido was in it or not. That was that.

Something softly tugged at the sheet. Frau didn't move, didn't breathe a sound.

Someone tugged at the sheet, harder this time, and Frau dug both his hands deeper into the sheet as Gido gave it one last, heavy tug. He managed to uncover what was a pair of shoulders and two arms that were desperately trying to keep him from pulling the sheet completely away.

“I thought this was supposed to be _heaven_ ,” Frau groaned, face buried in the mattress. He thought about the last time he had done that and a small shiver ran down his spine. That had been a far more enjoyable activity. Frau raised his head, just enough so he could glance over his shoulder, before dropping it onto his bed again. His hands searched for a pillow.

“Well, you haven't left this place for almost a week now. Get up, I fear you might have forgotten how to walk.” There was an unmistakable hint of sarcasm and theatrical drama in his voice. As he found it amusing, Frau smiled into his pillow and rolled over to face the man behind him.

There he was. Not a day older than he remembered. Yet, by now the term _old man_ was certainly justified. Given that he was... what? Nearly forty, fifty, all years combined? Something like that. Frau didn't realise he was smirking,with eyes grazing over the tall, lean figure leaning on his bedpost. – And _he_ wouldn't go _anywhere_. Frau smiled at that thought. Gido still wore the coat that Frau knew so well, which made it less apparent, especially when he wore his boots, that anything else was heaven's regular clothing. However, more often than not, Gido abandoned his boots these days, which had Frau suspecting that he had dressed like old times only for Frau's sake.

In some way, it was like no time at all had passed since their lives had parted. Yet too much time had passed, and there was a hollow ache in his chest reminding him of that. And of Teito.

To his own demise, Gido had proven to be a distraction he could hardly resist. In a way it was selfish. Frau tried not to think about that too much though. He exhaled a deep breath as he ran a hand over his face – tired. He was tired. Tired from lying around and doing nothing, even as nothing sometimes gave pleasant company.  
Still.

He didn't want to get out of bed. The mere thought suddenly seemed too ridiculous to even think about. With a quiet groan he sunk back into bed and pulled the sheet over his head. Gido said something and tried to pull it away again, but the sound of his words was muffled by the rustling of the sheet and his own breathing. He closed his eyes, but Gido was merciless and he managed to drag him out from under the sheet. Frau growled, clawing at the sheets.

Yet he found enough mercy in his bones to spit out some words, as he wriggled from Gido's grip. “You know, the average human needs two hours of sleep to make up for each one lost, don't you? And you do know how little sleep I got while I was, well –“, a sigh escaped his lips. He had managed to sit up and was rubbing the last of sleep from his eyes. “Just double the end sum and you might get close to what I need to barely function _ever_ again.”

“And whose fault is that?” the other raised a brow. “You picked your profession...”

 _Smart-ass._ Frau glowered.

There were other reasons, too, for his lack of sleep, but those he didn't mind. Frau trailed a hand over the bite marks on his neck and down to his shoulder as he walked over to his closet, picking a plain black shirt and plain black pants to dress in. There was no use in arguing and he was too tired for it anyway.

He wondered why Gido had come to him. He could feel Gido's eyes on his body as he dressed. Heaven’s clothing was rather simple, but came in a surprising variety of colours. Still, Frau preferred the darker tones, and that had nothing to do with his grief _or_ Gido. For the longest time Frau had tried to imitate him, but he really did like the darker colours better, so it was a mere coincidence. “Are you going to talk to me, or am I left to guess?” A pause. “ _Again?_ ” There was a hint of actual accusation, along with the playfulness of his voice. “All right,” Frau muttered to himself, and he walked over to lean close to the other man on the bedpost. “What do I owe the pleasure of your company?” Frau asked, trailing a hand down the fur of the man's coat, a couple fingers grazing over his warm skin.

 _Warm._ He was warm and solid – _huggable._ And he wanted to do that very much. Just hold on tight and not let go for several years. The thought of doing so was greatly comforting. Instead he leaned in close, wrapping his arms delicately around Gido's neck as he brushed their noses and lips together. “Come tell me,” he cooed.

When Gido tried to kiss him, Frau pressed their foreheads together to push him away, giving him a soft head bump instead. “I said tell me, not kiss me,” he sighed. Still, a flicker of amusement rushed over his face. Gido seemed to enjoy his company, since it was more than often him who sought it out. It made Frau wonder if he was trying to make up for time lost. Did Gido feel obligated to look after him? The thoughts made Frau a little uneasy, and he quickly dismissed them.

“We're going on watch duty.”

The words made Frau swallow slowly. It felt like a punch; something hard, unsettling, rested in his gut. His eyes skimmed Gido's face, looking for a sign... any sign, whatever it was that he needed to see right now. “I...” The lake. He didn't... He took a deep breath, trying to focus his thoughts. He would see Teito again. After what? Months, and he–

The lump forming in his throat felt big and heavy, impossible to swallow. A small surge of guilt rose up. What the hell had he been thinking... It was almost ridiculous how much he had wanted to forget, and how willing he had been to accept any given distraction. A small sound ripped from his throat as he took a shallow breath.

Carefully, Frau looked up, noting that Gido was waiting for a response, but also that he was carding his fingers through his hair and by God, that was– It was too much, yet at the same time it was all he wanted. Still, Frau didn't allow himself to lean into the touch, instead slowly folding his arms as he swallowed again. He tried not to turn his head away.

He wasn't okay. The very thought of getting to see Teito still made him choke on sorrow.

Gido had taken him to visit the lake another couple times since their reunion. He probably would have brought Frau more often if he hadn't been as affected as he always was. And as much as he tried to suck it up – he couldn't. Not yet, he always thought, but was just as sure that he wouldn't be ten years from now either. “I want to go...” he admitted quietly, even though the voice in his head screamed NO, that it would be a bad idea.

And because he said it, he knew it was true. It would hurt. A lot; but he wanted to. And he had to.

“Are you–?” Frau's gaze shot up in a glare and silenced Gido immediately.

It was the way Gido's hand threaded through his hair. Casually. Comforting. As if no time had passed since then. It only made the lump in his throat grow. “I... need to...” he insisted. But the utter amount of understanding in Gido's look just made him want to throw punches badly. Yet he only clenched his fists, digging his nails into his palms. “Do we go now?” Carefully, Frau eyed the other man. He wanted to get it over with and done.

Gido nodded and Frau swallowed hard. “You snored your waiting time away, anyway” Gido answered him softly and messed up his hair. It was so _familiar_.

There was a hint of annoyance in Frau's sigh. “I get it. I sleep too much,” he scowled at Gido. “But it's not like there is much to do here either way.”

At this Gido laughed quietly. “You're right. Except lots of people wanting to get to know you better. I'm sure you'll figure out how to pass the time along the way.” He grabbed Frau's hand and tugged him out of his room. “C'mon. Time to feel the sun again.”

_Idiot._

Frau didn't object though, and he quickly followed, but he retrieved his hand from Gido's grasp and tucked both into the pockets of his pants. His eyes and feet were following a pair of legs wrapped in dark fabric as they walked past the yard, along the isle which went round the yard, and in between pillars as broad rays of sunlight lit the roofed hallway.

He didn't have the guts to look up and around. Which made him feel stupid enough, but being reminded of Teito had opened a drain and deprived him of the will and energy to interact with the other Ghosts. Talking to them was strange enough anyway. Most of them seemed to have either witnessed his life or had been filled in on it by Gido, which always left him in the unpleasant position of having to realise how little he actually knew about the rest of them. Not that it had ever mattered.

But it mattered now.

With a sigh of relief Frau noticed the big gates closing behind them with a thud. At the same time he realised why staying indoors had been such a good idea. This place was fucked up, and it took him only one glance to be reminded of that.

By now he had tuned out the various bird calls around him unconsciously, even though it seemed like a happy reminder of the fact that there was nobody except Gido and him around right now. He dared to look up. Well...they weren't quite alone after all. It was the two of them and a gazillion strays.

Fucking great.

“How long do we have to do this?” he asked, while he trudged along next to Gido.

“Eight hours. There are three shifts each day.”

“Jeez. You guys really got nothing else to do?” Frau gaped at him in disbelief. Gido only smiled, in a way that could even be viewed as apologetic.

“Usually we're not as meticulous when it comes to keeping watch, but lately events have been heating up.”

Suspicion welled up in Frau as he eyed Gido. Several unpleasant thought spiralled through his mind. “What do you mean? Something going on down there?”

Gido stopped in his tracks, his lips forming a thin line. “You would have found out anyway... “ he sighed. “The brats want to overthrow Ayanami. Which is a good thing in and of itself, so of course we're curious...”

“But...” Frau was staring holes into him.

“But... we aren't actually sure if we're dealing with Ayanami and Verloren, or if they're one and the same...”

“Aren't they?” Frau asked confused, frowning.

“What if Verloren merely slept buried inside his soul?” Gido retorted. “It's just as possible that Ayanami was never more than just another vessel. Verloren was stripped of his powers and memories so long ago and there's just no proper record of any of the former reincarnations – we can't say for sure.”

“Are you serious?” The lump in his throat was returning. “There's no fucking way – you know I'm tearing him to shreds the moment I see him, don’t you?”

With a calm that Frau envied, Gido replied. “Listen, I understand that you're mad at him. I understand your anger, but if he's to speak... it can’t just be one of us. We're in this together – we need to figure this out together.”

“For fucks sake, I thought this was supposed to be Heaven!” Frau fumed. He just didn't know where to put all that frustration and anger that the thought of Ayanami being around brought with it.

Gido's voice was surprisingly bitter when he answered. “This isn’t your personal heaven. There is no such luxury.”

If he hadn't been so caught up with his own lament of pain and frustration, he might have wondered where it had come from. Despite everything, Gido had always seemed... awfully chipper to him. The kind that made you want to punch something at some point. Bitter didn't sound much like him. Or at least what Frau knew of him.

But what did he know anyway. Frau rarely thought about it, but when it came down to it he barely knew anything at all about Gido. His name, his age, his occupation before he had died—none of it. Eden had been his home. He had been a Ghost and seemed to know every god damn existing language– That was about it.

It was an awfully frustrating realisation.

Something in the back of his head urged him to say sorry, but he didn't. It made little sense to him anyway. There was nothing he had to apologise for, for getting furious over the idea of having to share heaven in any kind of way with Ayanami. But he had not meant to yell at Gido. So instead he slowly closed the gap between them, bumping into Gido's shoulder in a slightly rough but friendly manner. This time the hand came and caressed his head and Frau slowed his steps for a while to enjoy the touch. “Better?” Gido asked.

“Somewhat,” Frau replied and ducked away from his touch. After all, he was not some kind of child anymore. “What do we do with the information we gathered?”

“We've got something similar to the Cuvere, except that we are the only ones who can access it. It serves a similar purpose though, as we try to gather the most important information of history. Our history mainly.”

Frau nodded and trotted along, soon realising that the lake wasn't much further. He didn't know how he could tell that the lake was so close, so he shoved it aside and labelled it as instinct. There was hardly any way you could tell where you were from your surroundings, as it was all gardens, gardens, gardens and more bloody gardens. Yet, he was right.

It was Gido, he noticed after a while. Every time they reached the outskirts of the lake something seemed to change. It was hard to explain since he actually did very little about his posture or expression. But Frau could swear he would be able to grab a fist full of tension filling the air.

A while back he had noticed a few kors and... other things, and frankly Frau was sure he didn't want to know what they were.

While Gido did not seem to be bothered any more than necessary with either, Frau eyed them warily from afar as they approached the lake. He noticed none of them were particularly close. He couldn't even make out the end of the lake, which made him ultimately wonder how fucking big this place was. It was almost stunning. “What do we do?” Frau asked. His eyes fixed to the ground, he found a small stone and sent it flying roughly with a kick, and when he looked up he saw it being swallowed by the water.

“Sit and watch and... frankly, just don't do anything.” Gido shrugged.

Frau had been slowing his pace, prolonging the last few steps and he gulped as he stared at the blank surface of the lake.

_Teito..._

The thought came in the blink of an eye, the word heavy with pain and oh God, he still missed him. A numbing wave of pain swept through him, swept him from his feet, and he found himself sitting on the ground in warm grass. The pain tore at the wound which had been closing slowly, but steadily, in the past few months.

It shouldn't be so easy to summon a picture of the ones you loved, Frau thought. However, he was glad for it. Seeing Teito, seeing that he got better – slowly, steadily; it was soothing his own wounds.

As he watched, Teito seemed to being going over a strategy with Hakuren and Ouka. Someone mentioned Miroku's name and it made him wonder what the three of them were up to. Then he remembered Gido's words and something heavy settled in his gut. So they really were planning on overthrowing Ayanami.

“Idiots,” Frau heard himself choke and bit his lip. His own voice sounded alien to his ears.

He felt Gido's hand in his hair and was glad for it. Frau found that he was having trouble focusing on his surroundings, especially when there was Teito practically right in front of him. Teito was trying to smile and obviously the light inside of him was getting the better of him. “Told you,” Frau muttered and closed his eyes for a moment, the voices still going on about the plans they were making. It was bloody fantastic and Frau hoped with all his might that Teito knew it. That he wasn't fighting it like he would so often...

Because he deserved it.

With time passing, it didn't become easier, but Frau found that it became bearable. Still, he found himself turning away and closing his eyes after a while. The image disappeared and the voices where cut off. Frau sighed with relief.

Much better.

For a while there was nothing but silence. The everlasting bird songs were still there, of course, but all-in-all it was blissful silence. Frau let himself sink into the grass, enjoying the soft breeze. His head fell to the side, his eyes watching Gido. The smell of dirt and grass filled his nose, calming him. It was familiar enough. Something not as weird as everything else up here in heaven, though he probably wouldn't have been surprised to find out the grass smelled of cotton candy. Thankfully though, it didn't.

It was the soft and happy voice of a young woman which brought his attention back to the lake, after what felt like an eternity of lying in the soft grass. She was talking to Castor and Lab – he could tell by their voices, even before he saw them. Curiously he eyed her. She had long, curled black hair, and pretty, attentive blue eyes. She was clad in a well fitting flight suit, a pair of gloves stuffed into the pockets of her jacket, which must have been at least two sizes too big. It was worn, visibly older than the rest of her clothing. It had an awfully familiar touch. Frau squinted, it had been made for someone bigger and taller to wear... like...

He looked at Gido. Realising he had seen the jacket indeed before. “What's the girl doing with your flight jacket?” he questioned.

“Her keepsake,” Gido sighed. His voice cracked, yet a smile washed over his lips as he spoke. His lips drew a pale, thin line as he pressed them together.

“Why...”

“She's...” Frau watched him swallow and then take a deep breath, pausing before starting again. “She's my daughter.”

“What?!” The word slipped from his lips without his consent. Various other things were burning on his tongue, but he could not manage to voice any of them. Daughter. Daughter. Gido had... a daughter? When the fuck had that happened? “You... had... a family?” It was less a question, more a realisation. Because yes, now that he thought about it, it screamed blatancy.

It was a stupid, childish thought not to believe Gido didn't have a life. Frau just hadn't really thought about it, as all he had done was try to numb the pain his own had left behind. Frau cursed under his breath and inhaled deeply, exhaling slowly. Again he watched the girl.

He could see the resemblance. The curls were definitely the same– though Gido tried to hide his, but bed hair was rarely so forgiving and Frau had had a great deal of chances to see his hair tousled and askew in the past few months. The colour – both had plain black hair. The same eye colour of some sort, but hers were of a darker shade, while Gido's were of an icy blue. Hers were more like his own, Frau noticed. She also had the same pale freckles, although far less in number, scattered across her face. Gido had enough for two people on his face alone. “What's her name?” Frau asked, wanting to distract himself from the unpleasant thoughts circling his head.

“Maya.”

“Your decision?”

“I got a vote...” The words came out in a chuckle.

Frau smiled, joined in for a second and shook his head. “How old is she?”

“Seventeen.”

A year older than Teito. Just a bloody year. And here he had been thinking asking questions would distract him. But now the lump in his throat was returning once again, making it hard to swallow. This had been a bad idea. Absent minded, he ran a hand through his hair. “Seventeen...” he muttered and cursed under his breath. He was about to ask something else, something related to her mother, when it hit him. “And she's...” There was only one explanation for why she was talking to Castor and Lab. “Fuck. She's the new Zehel?”

Gido's mouth tightened, and a hand fisted into the soft grass, ripping it with ease. “Yes,” the word sounded calmer than it should to Frau.

“You were talking about her when you said you'd be damned to know who's next.”

Gido smirked unhappy. “Perceptive as always,” he mumbled. “I was hoping it wouldn't be her, but of course they always go for the youngest. Both of us are proof of that.” His eyes went up to meet Frau's and for a moment Frau wondered how old exactly Gido had been when he was given the position of Zehel. He himself had been fourteen the year he had been turned.

He didn't dare to ask.

“Then why didn't you say?” There was a distinct tone of accusation in his voice. Gido had always been an expert at keeping him an arms length of information behind. He always left clues, but he also always left Frau to uncover the whole picture himself.

“You had other things to worry about that day,” Gido said. The look in his eyes was painfully forgiving, but it made Frau want to yell in further accusation. How incredulously stubborn Gido could be. “I was going to tell you in time, I just hoped... the circumstances would be different. You didn't remember her – I didn't want to make this more complicated than it already is.”

“Remember her?” Frau echoed. The words previously burning on his tongue forgotten. The question had vanished.

“You know her mother.”

“Her mother?” What the hell was he talking about? Gido nudged him to look at the surface again and Frau did, because frankly there was little else to do. Otherwise he would have just stared at Gido until it dawned on him or until Gido gave up and told him.

Alright. He wanted him to look... but at what? So he watched, waiting for a sign, and found it when the girl put her arms akimbo and frowned upon the two men talking to her. She didn't exactly spit back fury, or metaphorical fire as some would expect from her mother, but there was serious concern in her eyes.

It was in her posture. Something that reminded him evidently of Magdalen. She also had the same pretty face, but obviously Gido's big mouth. Though, on Gido's face it was only apparent when he smiled. Frau shook his head, ran a hand through his hair. No, he was probably wrong. “You don't mean to tell me...what I think you mean to tell me is...”

Gido merely shrugged and smiled that awfully chipper smile he sometimes wanted to tear of his face, and Frau realised how much he'd missed it.

“Seriously?” Frau took a deep breath. Gido nodded. Great.

In all fairness he did have a vague memory of Mag having a daughter, except that his association had never sprung to Gido when it came to the father. Said man had been somewhat inexistent. His foster mother had made him watch over her daughter at times, that much he remembered. Yet Maya's face had almost completely vanished from his memory, along with her voice. Frau barely remembered small hands tugging at his clothes and small feet, tumbling behind as she followed his step.

Gut heavy with invisible rocks, Frau felt like he was collapsing into himself, shoulders sinking, hands losing their grip.

This was hardly any better than seeing Teito.

All he wanted to do now was disappear to somewhere else, and he knew he could, but he also didn't want to leave Gido alone. Not with _this_. And so he stayed, quietly watching the surface of the lake. Sometimes when he couldn't bear it anymore he got up and took a walk, then returned only to find Gido frozen in his spot, watching with stoic calm. And it made Frau wonder if that was what ten years in heaven did to you. Sometimes he watched him, watched Gido, wondering what he was thinking, but it was hard to tell.

After a while, he put his head on Gido's shoulder and kept watching. It was all he could do anyway.

* * *

Time had been ticking by slowly while they had watched Teito, his former friends, Maya, and even Ayanami. Frau had blurted out the question how in heaven and on earth he could summon that so easily to the surface. But of course Gido had an answer for that too. It was almost infuriating.

Technically it was possible to summon any person to the surface of the lake, as long as you had a face to think of. More important than that, though, was the emotional connection. The deeper your emotional connection to the person at hand, whether it be a good or a bad one, the easier the image was to summon.

It had taken a split-second for Gido to make Ayanami's face appear on the surface. Frau could only wonder how much hate you needed to have seething through your veins to make it that easy, and he realised he didn't want to know.

By the time they returned to the church, he felt emotionally drained. So when he was back in his room, his remaining energy didn't take him much further than to his bed. Frau buried his face in the sheet, awkwardly noticing that he seemed to do that a lot lately for various reasons.


	3. Chapter Two: Seams To Unravel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit for Asyl's and Gala's names goes to Branch <3 I liked them so much I kept them.

During his short stay Frau had found out that, including him, roughly four generations of Ghosts occupied the church. There was Gido's generation, the fourth, Asyl's, which was the third, and was thinning out. Then there was the second generation, which was constructed of the leftovers from the generations before Asyl, and lastly there were the weirdoes who didn't want to go back.

He himself felt a bit like a lone wolf among them.

Frau could hardly tell how long the heap of souls he had classified as the first generation had been up here, but he was sure that it had been indeed a _long_ , long, time. Going by that, it was a sheer miracle none of them had gone crazy.

On a side note, it meant that one had the advantage of not having watch duty for two days in a row.

Leaning against a pillar, Frau watched the Ghosts that were gathered in the warmth of the day beneath the canopy of the trees. While most of them were seated on the ground, standing or leaning against a tree, he found Gido sprawled out on a low hanging branch, and two others had followed suit and had seated themselves on a tree on the opposite side.

Even from his distance, Frau could hear them talking.

“Just a guess, but I bet you're wondering what they're doing,” a voice chimed in, and Frau struggled not to jump. Instead, tension stiffened his posture.

He would definitely never, ever get used to it. Carefully he turned his head, noticing Asyl standing close to him. A broad smile decorated her lips.

“As a matter of fact,” Frau started as he turned his head away, “I know what they're doing.” And it was probably the only sane way to pass time up here. “It's a game. Each player needs to think up three things they probably wished for in their past life. If all your wishes are guessed you're quote-unquote dead. Last one to remain without all their wishes revealed wins.” Though no one actually wins anything, besides bragging rights of course. “I haven't quite figured out the rules though. There's no specific pattern to the questions...”

“Maybe there are no rules?” Asyl suggested, smirking.

“No, there are. You need at least a couple of rules if you're playing a game with that many participants,” Frau responded, shaking his head.

Asyl gave a curious hum. “Quite the perceptive guy...” She combed a few chestnut coloured strands of hair away from her face. “You're right,” she continued. “There are rules. It's always rounds in five. First five rounds are yes or no questions usually, and the second five are open questions; after that they usually go with topics – seasons, locations and so on. A round is always over when all participants have asked their share of questions.”

“But you have a specific number of questions, right?”

Asyl chuckled. “That's the catch. You can ask anyone as many questions as you like, but can only go on for so long as the answer is a positive one. Meaning, as soon as there's a negative answer, it's someone else’s turn. Also, you can't ask one about the others.” She paused for a moment. “But you usually get a pretty good idea what they're like when you spend so much time with them. So you usually have a hunch what they've picked.” She shrugged and smiled up at him.

“I got another question.”

“Yeah?”

“What's Gido doing over there? He's not playing the game, that much I can tell.” Silence answered him, and as he turned away from the group to face Asyl she seemed thoughtful. “What?”

“I’m not entitled to answer that,” Asyl leaned back against the pillar opposite to his. Her smile had tilted ruefully.

Frau wanted to ask what she meant by that, but the look in her eyes made him quickly swallow the questions burning on his tongue. Instead he found himself asking, “looking forward to going back down again?”

“Yeah,” she smiled, “but truthfully, I'll miss these idiots.” Her eyes wandered off to somewhere distant. “That probably sounds weird to you, but... they're family, in a way.” Asyl shrugged, a warm smile on her lips. “You were lucky, you know...”

Frau cocked an eyebrow. Asyl broached a delicate subject.

Her eyes had almost the same colour as his own, Frau noticed, as she glanced at him softly. "You were,” she insisted, slumped against the pillar with a sigh. “See, contrary to you, we were scattered across the whole fucking continent. Most of us never met in person, and without Seele we would have probably never met each other at all. But you guys got a damn perfect chance to work together.”

“I see...” Frau replied. “Honestly, when I think about it, it's a given that you're probably right. Although... I don't feel very lucky.”

“Is that so...” she replied thoughtfully. “I suppose the lives that our kind live do suck in general.”

His answer was lost in a snort and the grin plastered to his face. “Guess so.” His eyes were fixed on Gido again, but when he turned back to Asyl, she was gone, having vanished into thin air. It was a trick he was starting to get the hang of. After all, it was similar to teleporting as a Ghost.

For a while he watched them, listening to them talk and tease each other with laughter, but soon he disappeared back inside. As the design of the church was practically a carbon copy of the church that Frau and the other Ghosts had resided in on Earth, Frau had minimal trouble getting where he wanted, and right now he needed to clear his head some.

With Asyl gone, his distraction was gone as well, and thoughts on Ayanami were creeping back inside his head in the most unpleasant way.

Technically nobody knew. As a human, he couldn't be denied entrance into heaven, even when he had been Verloren's host, but he also had plenty of blood on his own hands. Darkness had overcome both souls and that was a fact. Then again, Frau's own soul was brimming with darkness as well and he had gotten a chance to wash it out. And to be fair, Ayanami should be allowed the same chance as well... and he would most likely be granted it. And that was what Frau didn't want to think about in the first place. Because that meant trying to figure out how to deal with Ayanami’s potential presence here in heaven.

Would they let Ayanami in here? Nobody had commented on that yet. Frau hoped they wouldn't. Because it was one thing to know that he was up here and Ayanami was out there, lost among the strays, but it was a completely different thing to know he was just three floors down.

Cursing under his breath, Frau fished in his pockets for a cigarette and stopped mid-stairs. Leaning against the wall, he took a deep, smoky, breath and closed his eyes. Letting it seep out slowly between his lips, he opened them again, staring at nothing particular. For a couple more breaths of smoke he stayed where he was before he continued his way upstairs, soon finding himself on the exact same platform he had spent so many evenings watching the sun set. It was where he had waited for the night to swallow the country and the city lights to lure him in for the hunt.

The exact same spot where he had found Teito singing that evening.

Frau wasn't quite sure which memory cut deeper, but he supposed it was Teito's. With a sigh he closed his eyes, took another drag, and ground the stump with his heel. He imagined himself sitting in his usual spot, and he let the image form in his head, and he opened his eyes again doing exactly as he pictured.

As it became apparent, vivid memories made this easier.

With nothing to do, Frau found himself fisting a hand into his shirt, fumbling the hemline of it.

Suddenly, something was dropped onto his lap and Frau picked it up. It was a plaything, a ball, and it was soft enough to squeeze and busy his fidgety fingers with. When he looked up, he saw Gido standing over him with a smile plastered on his face.

“So it’s here you're hiding.”

“Not anymore,” Frau sighed and squished the ball in his hand. He threw it up high, catching it just in time before it could drop onto the ground so far below. “You're here. Why are you here? I need to think,” he complained.

“Don't hurt yourself,” Gido smirked. This time Frau aimed for his face, and judging by the sound which escaped Gido's throat, he had hit his mark hard.

Pleased with himself, Frau smiled and caught the other's counter attack before the ball could hit him. “I talked to Asyl,” he mentioned, trying to change the subject. He tossed the ball back over to Gido, who threw it back, and they kept doing that as their conversation continued. “She said you and the Ghost's from before didn't know each other. I mean... in person.”

“What about it?”

“So it's true.” The realisation came suddenly and made him quite for several minutes. Frau turned the toy in his hand, before throwing it back.

Gido shrugged merely. “I met Gala every once in a while. And Fea a couple times,” he said after a while. “Suppose being a pirate had its advantages after all...”

Upon that Frau arched his eyebrows in question. “Well, I never met her...”

“That's because there was no need to.” Frau growled at Gido’s response, and Gido answered with that ever forgiving and sorry look in his eyes that made him seethe time and time again. Gido only sighed, “She was our go-to doc.”

Frau blinked. “What?”

“You heard me.” He smiled. “She treated our injuries – it came in as a handy excuse to visit her every now and then.”

“Visit her?” Why was it that with everything Gido told him, it only ever reminded Frau of how little he knew about the other man. It made him feel like a kid once more. It also made him angry, as he felt it was unfair.

“Yeah, at the Krat estate. She was sister to the current head of the house. Under her watch, we were permitted entrance as long as we kept away from the main building and the kids. Well, one could say he tolerated our stay though.”

His undertone gave away what he didn't say. They hadn't been friends. At least not with the head of the house. Nothing out of the ordinary, Frau guessed, but there was something else on his mind. “What about the soldiers? Bet the king wasn't happy to have you hanging out with his minions.”

“Nobles estates are neutral ground. As long as we had her on our side they were unable to do a thing.”

Something else came to his mind. “Wait a second. She lived with her family?”

“Yeah...” Gido scratched his throat in thought. “She once told me it was far from home and everyone thought it was a miracle she survived. After that... I'm not quite sure. From what I gathered over the years she's been home since then.”

An unusual fate. Then again Gido had stayed on Eden as well. Just like Fea had stayed with his brother and nephew. Teito... his hand clutched hard around the ball he caught and a half choked sound made it past his lips. Teito had always been angry with him when he had kept things from him, but lately he had been realising that Gido did the same. Apparently Frau had taken on his bad habits as well. “What about you...?” he asked, quite shyly.

“Me?” Gido pointed a finger at himself and seemed surprised.

Frau took a deep breath and let it out, as he looked up. “Yes,” he replied. “You.” Silence fell upon them as he scrutinised Gido. The man he looked up to and... loved, in a way. He kept things from him, too. The question, though, was why. “I don't know anything about you,” he said quietly and pressed his lips together.

All in all he was a book of seven seals wrapped into one giant enigma.

Gido seemed to think the same, as he smiled in answer and chuckled. “But we both know that's not quite true.”

“It is,” Frau insisted as he pouted. “You never told me anything about yourself, but you know my life story. That's quite unfair. It's not like I'm asking you to tell me about your death.” He muttered the lasts words, as it was a delicate subject for both sides in many ways. His eyes had dropped to the ground.

Gido's answer surprised him. “Well, what do you want to know?”

He blinked and looked up. What did he...? Frau tried to come up with a precise answer or question, but in the end he merely shrugged and said, “I don't know. Anything.” Suddenly he smirked and ran a hand through his hair, averting his eyes almost sheepishly. “Tell me about you and Mag,” he said and quickly added, “If that's okay, of course.”

“It's okay.” His answer came with a chuckle.

“We grew up together. She is... was my best friend, but that is all there is to it,” Gido replied. His expression spoke of fondness, which caused Frau to smile. He had never picked up on that when he had been smaller, it just hadn't been in his focus of attention, he guessed.

“So, anyone else then?” Frau decided to ask. He was done asking his share of question about Mag for now, though he was still curious. And after having reopened some of his own wounds practically yesterday, he didn't feel like digging through someone else's dirt just yet.

Though he wanted to ask, Frau would have liked to know if Gido had seen Magdalen. No matter how briefly. Did he know what had become of her soul? Frau wondered.

“There was someone,” a faint smile appeared on Gido's lips. “That's all I want to say about this for now. What else do you want to know?”

 _Why?_ Frau wanted to ask. Had something happened? There seemed to be something Gido was not sharing here as well. “I'm not sure... what about your family?” Gido had mentioned him and Mag had grown up together, but that could mean many things.

Gido tensed visibly as he exhaled a breath he seemed to have been holding. “Well, I have a daughter I never thought I would have... Mag is my family in a way. Not to make this weird, but she was more like a sister.”

“But what about your parents?” Frau insisted. There had to be more.

“That's... complicated,” Gido’s glance wandered off into the distance. “I don't wanna talk about them.”

“Oh.” Frau wasn't really sure why, but that seemed like the appropriate reaction. It was kind of disappointing, as Frau had hoped to get to ask some more questions on that subject. Where they still alive? Had Gido had siblings? What had they been like? Had they been pirates just like him? “So, where are you from?”

Gido paused. “I'd like to say Eden, because that's where I felt most at home, but... I'm gonna be honest with you. I'm... from Raggs. Specifically the area which... you know as the seventh district.”

Now that came as a surprise.

For some reason though, Frau didn't connect the dots with their House of God. Mostly that was because he couldn't picture it. Gido, like himself, didn't seem to fit in with that world. It was just a strange thought, and Frau wondered what Gido would think of that if he told him.

“You as well, actually.”

Now that confused Frau.

“Your mother was from there.”

“You knew her?!” The words were out of his mouth before Frau had had a chance to properly grasp them. Excitement rushed through him when Gido nodded. For the most part, Frau had directed his questions towards Magdalen when he didn't know something or his memory of his parents had been unclear. Frau had never figured Gido might know something, too.

“You'd grown so much and become such a bratty child, I didn't even recognise you at first,” Gido admitted and grinned at Frau's confusion. “I looked after you a few times, and you were an adorable little baby.”

To hear those words from anyone other than Magdalen was a strange occurrence. “Why did you never tell me?” It was all Frau could come up with.

Taking a deep breath, Gido bowed his head a little. “I intended to... There was a whole lot I had to tell you, but I wanted you to be older. I wanted you to be a little kid just a while longer.”

“Well... you can tell me now?” Frau suggested with a shrug, but Gido simply shook his head and that was all the answer Frau got out of him. So he had to settle for that.

Silence fell over them. Frau was out of questions, for now at least. A defeated sigh heaved from his lungs as he looked around and stared at the spot where the sun used to set for a while. He missed it, the sunset. “I hate this place,” Frau muttered to himself.

“You don't,” Gido replied softly.

But he did, Frau thought to himself, stubbornly. Too many memories clung to every corner, and each time he turned around he expected to see a ghost. “I used to come here, you know. Each night I watched the city lights go on and...” And then he'd go for a hunt, but he didn't tell Gido that. He couldn't, his voice trailed off.

“I watched you... sometimes.”

There it was again. That comforting, reassuring, everything-will-be-okay-tone Gido fell back into when he wanted to calm Frau. Who, at this point, only wanted to insist that he wasn't upset, which wouldn't make much of a good point at all.

So Gido knew. It was a slow realisation, but contrary to former belief, it settled calmly in his mind. At least this way Frau wouldn't have to tell. “It's not just that... it's... _everything_.” Frau took a heavy breath. “I know this place like the back of my hand– _everything_ reminds me of something. It's just so hard. I just want some peace.”

Gido's fingers carded through Frau's hair in response and Frau ducked a little under the touch. “I know,” Gido finally said.

Two, three, five heartbeats later Frau wanted to yell at Gido to do something about it. Though he was well aware that it wasn't possible. “It will stop one day... right?” he asked Gido quietly.

A heavy sigh escaped Gido's throat. “It becomes bearable one day.” And he kept running a hand through his hair, Frau basking in the feeling, as he needed the comfort more than anything.

Frau tried to ignore the bitterness in Gido's voice.

Right now, he didn't feel like prying.


	4. Chapter Three: The Once & Future Haven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because we all know Frau will always keep running to Gido's place. No matter how old he is.

Gido had told Frau that he would take him some place nice. So far, Frau didn't feel disappointed. Gido's room was some place nice.

After not leaving his own room for something short of a small eternity, and after being preoccupied by Asyl and some of the other Ghosts, there just hadn't been time. As a child, this place would have been the first Frau would have tried to find. The captain's cabin had been his hiding place for quite some time.

Frau hadn't been good with showing affection, or voicing himself that way, so Frau found that sticking around the places where Gido was, or where he was supposed to be for that matter, had been easier for him.

With childish curiosity, Frau examined his surroundings.

The first thing he noticed where the books, which wasn't much of a surprise. The church had a library and Gido had taken the time to read to him now and then when Frau had been younger. There weren't many books he remembered, though. Still, it brought a smile to his face. Frau had liked those nights, where Gido's voice had drowned out every other thought at some point and he had been able to fall asleep.

Two pairs of swords adorned the walls, as decoration was probably the only use for them in this place. He couldn't imagine they would do any harm to a soul. “Now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever seen you fight with zaiphon,” Frau mused.

Gido sighed. “There’s no use in hiding it now... You're right, I didn't. Well, it was something I rarely used, really. I wasn't used to it, so I would grab a sword anyway before I thought about using Zehel's powers.” He chuckled at Frau's confusion. “I'm an ordinary, boring human.”

It took a moment, and then it dawned on Frau. “Really?” That was a surprise.

Gido merely shrugged. “I could access Zehel's powers but I never really got used to it. Hence the swords.”

“So why four?” Frau pointed at the walls.

“Steel that can withstand contact with zaiphon or even channel it is fucking expensive. So steel wasn't an option, as I used to burn through the ones I had, so I had to get used to having a spare set with me,” amused, Gido grinned.

Frau hadn't even thought of questioning why Gido had always put him in the care of others when it came to zaiphon training, but it now made an awful lot of sense. “Well, you could have just told me, instead of handing me around...” Frau frowned.

“Children and fools tell the truth. There were a dozen power hungry pirates on my back – it's not exactly something I wanted known.”

That made sense as well.

Frau picked up one of the books and skimmed through the pages whilst smiling. He liked being read to better than reading himself, but contrary to Castor's belief Frau didn't believe it to be boring. “So that's what you've been doing the past ten years, yeah? Burying yourself in books?”

There was a wall with a starry night sky painted on it: it was a single stripe of dark colours and bright dots. Some of the constellations he remembered, others he had never seen. Frau looked at Gido, tilting his head a little, and he sat down on the window sill.

On another wall, he could see now, hung a tapestry with an emblem he didn't recognise. Another seemed to have ended up as a sketchbook as a variety of symbols had been crammed into a corner. Next to it was a stack of notebooks, like the ones he remembered from Gido's cabin on the Aegis. Out of curiosity he had looked through one of them, but Gido had caught him, and after that they had either disappeared or went out of his reach.

The other consistent in Gido's life seemed to be coffee. Frau counted four mugs so far, and a table with several maps and some more notebooks scattered across showed a significant amount of coffee stains on the papers.

“Next time when you feel like running, you might as well run to me,” a couple fingers tipped his chin up. Frau opened his eyes, lifting his head. “Besides, I'm disappointed. You used to follow me everywhere and now I don't get a single visit.”

At that Frau smiled. A few years back he might have vehemently denied that fact, but not now. “Don't flatter yourself, old man,” he teased playfully. “It's not like you were missing me the past few months.” And with that Frau grabbed Gido's face and kissed him.

There was something very easy about these interactions with Gido.

A few years ago, Frau had preferred to run head-first into a wall instead of admitting he had ever thought about Gido this way. By now it felt almost natural.

A smirk lined Frau's lips as he pulled back, and he caught himself running his thumbs along the other's cheeks. It was all no more than a farce, a distraction – pastime – and it should be so easy for him. His life had been like this for the longest time – until Teito had come around.

But it wasn't easy.

After all this was Gido. His Gido.

Frau wrapped his arms around Gido's neck. Sometimes it still baffled him that they were here now, that Gido wasn't just a dream, because that would have been just as likely.

So he had to remind himself that this was merely pastime. They both knew it. Still, Frau wanted to drown in that feeling of comfort and warmth and never get back to the surface of it.

Once more, Frau wished for it to ease the pain and sooth his wounds. He couldn't be happier to have Gido back, as hardly anything else seemed to matter. Neither loosing Teito nor the thought that he might end up sharing heaven with Ayanami. Not that he could do much about either, though.

Frau meant to say thank you, but Gido might have gathered that from the kiss he gave him. There was a smile on his lips when he pulled away. Then he let go and walked over to the table to pick up one of the books. “How come all these books are here?”

Gido came over and took it from his hand, running his finger over the imprinted letters. “Because I read it to you. I know the story and that's how it ended up in our library.”

“That doesn't make much sense,” Frau remarked raising a brow.

“Probably,” Gido shrugged, smiled. “You see, our library is added with every death. Each one of us has consumed a multitude of stories and information during our lives. Not necessarily in the form of a book, though. That's just how all our gathered knowledge is stored here. And that's also why there's often no author or source given, but the sign of the Ghost who gathered the information at hand.”

For a moment Frau thought that through, and then he broke into a sudden fit of laughter. “I contribute my share of porn with pleasure,” he laughed and Gido joined in for a moment. “I hope it came with the covers I chose,” Frau said grinning. “There's nothing like a good-old bit of history with scantily-dressed women.”

“We should probably warn the others...”

“Nah, they know me better than I know myself. They knew what they were getting themselves into.” Accusing, he glared at Gido. “Thanks to you and that damn lake.”

“Right...”, Gido drew out the syllable in this. “Next time I'll keep to myself how proud I am.”

The complaints he had attempted to voice were silenced into a mutter. Lately, Gido had it way too easy to make him blush, but he also had way too plausible and thought-out arguments to stop their disputes. Lately, life wasn't fair. Frau missed teasing Gido for the sheer joy of having him go through the roof. Alas Gido seemed to have lost his quick temper. Which wasn't all bad, it just meant that... things would never be exactly as they once were again. And that this was different from what he had wanted.

Frau only realised that just now.

Whenever Frau had wished him back, had wished his life and family and comrades back, he hadn't put much thought into it. Never had he considered the most obvious thing, that what he might get back wasn't what it had once been. Though that was probably a good thing as well, considering how their relationship had changed. Otherwise this would have been twice as weird as it already was.

Outside, the sky was growing darker and it would be night soon. For some weird reason their world was affected by it too. Gido didn't have an explanation for that, which Frau had noted with a triumphant look. So he didn't have an answer to everything after all.

It was completely different from what he knew and it had taken a while for him to get used to it. In the end, it was just too pretty for Frau to be bothered by how weird it was. At nightfall there were no stars. Instead, thin silver lines would thread through the sky slowly growing into an impressive replica of the all too rare northern lights.

Part of him considered going back to his own room, but he had gotten so used to sharing a room, as well as a bed, with Gido that he wouldn't miss it for the world. Beneath it, though, was the childish fear that Gido might disappear when he let him go. It was something that he wouldn't be able to cope with a second time.

It wasn't even a question worth asking. Not now, not ever. Not when it came to Gido. It was just the way things were. Frau wanted to stay with Gido, just like he had always wanted.


	5. Chapter Four: The Covenant's Face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen guys, nobody's going to take it from me that Gido gets emotionally attached to fictional characters and upset about their deaths.

Frau would never be an early bird. Castor's tries had all been futile. Getting out of bed any earlier than before the clock showed double digit numbers wasn't a thing going to happen if he was left alone. Thankfully Gido didn't seem to mind.

It was a loud _smack_ which woke him to the most bitterly frustrated expression he had ever seen on Gido's face. Confused, Frau rubbed his eyes as he was trying to make sense of the situation. It felt like nearly mid-morning, though it was hard to keep track of time with no clocks of any kind. Luckily, he was too tired to care.

But Gido was fuming, arms folded and gritting his teeth. And _that_ was something he cared about.

“What's wrong?”, Frau uttered, drowsy.

The answer Frau got was no help. “No one's dying,” Gido snarled.

“What?” Frau heaved himself up to dare a look at what had happened. There was a book lying on the floor and, apparently, the cause for Gido's discontentment. Still sleepy, Frau chuckled as he began to piece it together. “Come here...” he muttered, still laughing as he wrapped Gido in his arms. “Nobody's dying,” he agreed with a smirk and buried Gido under his weight. Still sleepy, Frau began to doze off again, now and then woken when Gido started muttering something. Somehow this was terribly adorable.

Gido fumed for another while, but also was the first one to break the silence. “You hungry?”, he asked, startling Frau for a few seconds. First off, simply because Frau hadn't really thought about eating since he had died, and secondly because he realized he had not in fact eaten since he had died. Then again, Frau had to admit he wasn't feeling particularly hungry at all. More precisely, he did not feel an essential need for eating, or sleeping as for that matter. Yet he still slept and even felt tired now and then. Maybe his hunger would come back with time...

“I don't know,” he admitted, scrunching up his face. Why would he want to eat now anyway? “I don't need to, do I? Do we even have actual food up here? Like, edible stuff that's not completely weird or gross.”

“Technically not, but it lifts the mood,” Gido smiled. He untangled himself from Frau's grip to get up. “And yes, we do. You'd be surprised.” Frau didn't trust the smile that curled up his mouth. “You–“

“One more word and you'll lose your tongue. I won't ever get used to this freakish place,” Frau scowled and scrunched up his face once more.

After several attempts of getting out of bed and finally getting dressed, Frau later found himself in the refectory. He hadn't been here since... _forever_.

Yeah, that sounded about right.

The last time he had seen this hall he had been with Teito. They had argued and he had tried to nick his food, which had caused Teito to elbow him in the side. The thought brought a little smile to his lips as he ran a hand over his face.

Most of the hall was empty, as there were hardly enough of them to fill one table alone. Instead, everyone was scattered across the front in small groups of three or four, seldom larger or smaller. The emptiness beyond emphasised how big the hall really was, and Frau had to swallow. He was used to hundreds of people filling these walls, chatting and arguing and laughing. Not like this, with the silence weighing heavy on his shoulders. He tried to swallow, and barely noticed how Gido dragged him to a table where two other Ghost's were already seated.

One of them was Fea, he noticed, and Frau managed to put on a rather sheepish smile. He hadn't really talked to Fea since his arrival in Heaven. Being with him was slightly awkward. After all, Fea had been like a father to Teito, and was in fact his uncle to make it worse, but the worst was that he had probably watched eighty percent of their relationship and that was something Frau felt slightly uncomfortable with.

Teito would probably laugh if he could see him now.

Even worse, he was left to sit next to Fea while Gido took the seat next to the woman across. Still not very hungry, Frau stared at the dishes at hand and noticed that there was quite the variety for a church. But there was also no meat. He wondered where the hell it all came from. Yet he asked, “Don't tell me we've got to follow the rules of the church up here, too?”

Fea was the first to grasp the meaning behind it and reply. “No, I don't believe so, but we don't go on hunting sprees either.”

“Oh,” was all Frau could think of. That made sense. Besides, now that he thought about it, Gido had never seemed to like meat. He had always stayed away from the kitchen as well on these days.

Warily he eyed Fea, who seemed to be delighted about his company. He was chatting with Gido and the woman, but Frau paid attention to neither of them. He was staring at the food presented to him as he tried to summon hunger, or the urge to eat, or simply an appetite at all. In the end he found himself having none of them. Eating seemed fairly pointless. Just like being here in this hall where he only thought of Castor and Lab, or of fighting over dinner with Teito.

“Come on,” Fea urged him. “Eat. It's good for your soul.”

“I suppose...” Frau said, blinking, and looked up. “I'm not hungry,” he then admitted. “It's not like I need to eat anyway.”

“Eating comforts the soul.” Gido pinched his nose and Frau growled, rubbing the pain away.

“But I'm not hungry,” he insisted, picking at one of dishes on his plate. Apparently it was another one of Gido's infamous urges to take care of him. Frau had to admit it looked tasty, it even smelled delicious, and although he felt like sulking he took a few small bites anyways. Carefully chewing, he noticed that Gido was watching him as the man continued his conversation with the woman he couldn't name. They seemed to know each other. She had black hair like Gido, but her curls were smaller, thicker. The bright colour of her clothes complemented her olive skin. Similar to Asyl, her demeanour was sophisticated, except that unlike Asyl, it carried through her whole behaviour. She looked young, and seemed to be in her mid twenties.

To his own surprise, he leaned in to ask Fea, “Who's she?” between two reluctantly taken bites. Frau felt far from hungry, but at least it gave him something to do.

“That's Tamika, she was Vertrag before me,” Fea explained, beaming. And the worst was that Frau knew exactly why.

Burying his face in a hand he mouthed, “Quit that.” It was awkwardly embarrassing.

“I'm sorry,” he said, and Frau noted the sincere apology on his face. “I can't help myself. I'm glad for what happened. Glad for what you did.” Frau only ducked his head in response. “I owe you so much for what you did for Tiashe.”

“You owe me nothing,” Frau replied with a sigh. A thin smile decorated his lips as he looked up, locking their eyes for a moment. “After all, who knows better how to mend a broken soul then the broken?” He spoke low, hoped that Gido didn't hear him or that at least would ignore his words, but Frau noticed how everyone went awfully quiet for a moment.

That didn't particularly help with making him feel more at ease, he noticed, and was twice as glad when Tamika and Gido continued on with their conversation. Because then he could ask Fea quietly, “How come they know each other?”

“Well...”

“Because there has rarely ever been a cut as clear as after the war. Before, the different generations of our kind were closer, as usually no more than one or two died and were replaced,” Tamika explained, cutting off Fea. She smiled sweetly at Frau, who once more felt like a boy being reprimanded for his stupid actions. “You could have just asked,” she then added and glanced at Gido. “I heard a lot about you,” Tamika added as warmth spread through her smiled.

Oh great, Frau glared at Gido, his teeth less chewing and more squashing the food. Another who knew his life story. Suddenly the little appetite he had managed to summon vanished. Tamika smiled apologetically, quietly said something to Gido, and then excused herself. She ruffled Gido's hair as she went away.

Uncertain, he eyed Gido, and his question was answered before it was voiced. “You didn't scare her away.” How nice to know, Frau thought grimly. He was poking a fork at his food. “Don't look at me like that,” the expression on Gido's face softened, and Frau sighed, almost resigned.

It was tiresome and suddenly he didn't want to be in this place either. The food wasn't too blame, though. Frau felt, very badly, like running. Or yelling. Snapping. He gritted his teeth instead.

“What's wrong?” Gido asked, softly. Too soft. There was too much patience and understanding in his voice.

Fea cleared his throat. “I probably shouldn't have mentioned Tiashe...” he muttered, though more to himself, and Frau thought about how stupid that was. Shouldn't Fea be the one unable to talk about him at all?

“That's not it,” Frau sighed, running a hand over his face. “I just can't stand it. Everybody knows everything about me. That's not fair!” He sulked, frustrated.

“Your boy has a point there,” Fea remarked, and Frau involuntarily blushed.

Now, this was even worse, considering the turn their relationship had taken. Fortunately Gido seemed to agree, as Frau could see he was at least mildly uncomfortable with that.

“I think he's outgrown that term,” Gido cleared his throat.

A chuckle answered from Fea. “Oh, I don't think they'll ever outgrow being our little boys completely,” he said, half teasing, with a glance at Frau.

Frau sunk down, glancing sheepishly across the table. He hadn't grown particularly shameful or easy to embarrass in his time up here, but telling Fea about his relationship with Gido since his arrival didn't seem quite right. Fea was so happy about what had happened between him and Teito, he couldn't take that away now once he had seen its effect in person. No matter how fleeting the reasons why he kept Gido company in bed.

It was only temporary. A way to forget the pain, and a rather enjoyable one, too. But all in all, it was out of the question to let Fea know.

Which left the fact that calling him a boy just seemed weird. “I do have a name,” Frau reminded them. “And stop talking over my head. I'm here.”

“My apologies,” Fea answered.

Frau sighed to himself and started eating again. He caught the two others smiling; they seemed awfully familiar with each other. A moment later, he wanted to ask if they had been friends, but then he remembered what Gido had told him. They had barely ever seen each other. Which meant this relationship had probably built up in the last ten years or so. And while he was glad to see Gido had made friends, he found himself to be a bit jealous, too.

Oh right, there was no ‘personal’ heaven. Gido had been so right. Another sigh escaped his lips as he continued eating. The atmosphere was quiet and felt heavier than it should, though it eased after a while when Fea started asking him about Teito, and it brought back more of the pleasant memories he had believed forgotten. The subject didn't come without pain, but it was bearable. It was even okay, because when he watched Fea's smile, he knew it was easing someone else's pain.

They ended up chatting about the church, mainly to Gido's entertainment, as Gido couldn't contribute much on the subject, only but a few anecdotes gathered on his journeys.

Frau wouldn't go as far as to say that it was due to the food, but something about the whole situation seemed to lift a weight from his soul. By the time he left the refectory behind, he had a smile on his face that he didn't notice. He was strolling through the garden with no aim or destination when he almost bumped into Tamika.

“Oh, sorry!” she exclaimed, brushing a strand from her face.

“No worries. Wasn't looking where I was going either,” Frau shrugged, smiled, and then frowned. He remembered how she had left earlier and somehow wanted to apologise. “Look, about earlier...” he started, rubbing his right arm, a habit from having the scythe and running his fingers across the letters imprinted to his skin...

Tamika sighed and shook her head. “It's okay. I understand why you were upset.”

“You understand?” frankly, he was confused. But only for a moment, because that was when he realised, as ‘understanding’ seemed to be given away for free in these parts of Heaven. He groaned, “Of course you do.”

Tamika chuckled. “Oh my, seems like we didn't leave the best impression,” she said and put her arms akimbo. There was something motherly about her posture and expression, Frau thought, and he blinked and suddenly it was gone.

“Gido seems to like you,” he noted like the jealous little boy he felt. He was even sulking a bit, though he tried not to.

“And I do like him,” Tamika replied with a gentle smile. Which made him wonder what kind relationship theirs had been. Though she could hardly be his type, considering Magdalen's personality. Tamika was too gentle... With a pretty face that could awaken a taste for something different. “I took care of him when he took over Asyl's place.”

With a wave of her hand, she encouraged Frau to come along, and so he did, suddenly curious. Gido never spoke of his time as Zehel. “What do you mean?” he asked, eyeing her as she walked beside him. She had the walk of a queen, or of a princess at least, even though she wore no dress, but she instead wore an ornate top in addition to loose, comfortable pants. She had the looks of the southern noble houses Frau only knew from the books Gido had given him. But those lands were beyond the borders of Barsburg and he had never been to them, which made him seriously wonder what had caused her to end up in the empire.

“Well, you grew up with the other Ghosts, but when one or two die at a time that usually leaves behind the children among us to deal with everything alone. And you experienced where that can lead first hand.”

“The Shadow,” Frau sighed. Rumour said it was Landkarte, apparently.

Tamika nodded in response. “If the rumours are true, at last.”

“Tell me about Gido,” Frau urged her.

With a chuckle, Tamika combed a few strands of hair behind her ears. “He was a smart little boy,” she said with a smile. There was a thoughtful pause in her speech. “Not half his height now and...unexpectedly earnest for a child. He was a few years younger than you were, but he took it with surprising calm... most of the time.”

Younger? The thought of it made his stomach churn, as he remembered Gido's words. They always go for the youngest. So it was true. “Guess we all have to grow into our roles...”

“Not all, but most of us,” Tamika corrected him. Lightly, she squeezed his arm. “You reminded me of him... sometimes...” she admitted.

Frau only shook his head in response. He knew he shared a few similarities with Gido, after all Gido had raised him, but it was really only a few character aspects. “I doubt that,” he responded into the silence.

“And I know better,” Tamika said. “A mother should know her child and I know what I saw. You two share a lot more than you know and maybe that's for the better, because it's been a long time since I have seen him smile like this.”

Frankly, Frau had stopped listening at _mother_. “Wait, what?” he uttered.

“What?” Tamika frowned, confused.

But Frau only shook his head. This was beyond his comprehension. “What do you mean by mother?!” Tamika could hardly be Gido's mother, could she? That would be... was that even possible? Well, in a way, but... “I demand an explanation and this better be a good one, because I'm trying to process this and I can't.” Mostly, though, it was because he couldn’t see Gido affiliated with any of the Houses of God, whether royal or noble.

Tamika's mouth opened in a silent _oh_ as it dawned on her, and she quickly covered it with a hand. She suppressed a small fit of laughter with it.

What _the hell_ was so funny about this?

Apologetic, she glanced up at him. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to confuse you. Well, he's not... my son,” she explained. Now she put both of her hands on his arm. “Not by blood, or marriage for that matter,” she said and smiled, lowering her gaze. “But I do feel that way,” Tamika continued quietly and turned away, folding her arms. “Someone needed to take care of him and that's what I did... He needed that. For some time at least.” Her eyes went up to meet Frau's again, their eyes locking in the gaze. She was surprisingly tall for a woman. “In fact, I believe of all you did. Someone to teach you how to walk in those shoes... It's a heavy burden and it already felt overwhelming to me. I don't want to imagine what it's like for a child.”

Suffocating. _Crushing_. Frau uttered neither of these words, and just waited for her to talk again.

When she spoke again her voice was quiet, “I hope this makes you feel better next time you see me. Be it with him or not.”

To that Frau had no answer, but he had a feeling that it would help... The next time. “I will keep it in mind,” he finally replied and then added, “Tell me more about yourself. You seem like you've grown up in a royal household?”

“Observant,” Tamika noted impressed, smiling. Frau couldn't tell what she was thinking, but she was obviously willing to continue their conversation, and so they did.

Maybe Gido had been right. Maybe lying in bed all day wasn't all there was to this place, and he would find out the different ways of passing time by getting to know the others.

* * *

Each of the families had bastards, some more and some less. Presumably, Zehel's family ranked first, or among the first, when it came to those. At least the fact that neither him nor Gido were affiliated with their House of God suggested it. Tamika belonged to this category as well. During their conversation he had found out that she had grown up as half-sister to the queen, and mother of Teito's father and uncle. And Ayanami, but Frau tried really hard not to think of that.

Although a bastard, her father had taken her in, as he had thought she would prove a good friend to his daughter. The two girls had been almost inseparable and when Tamika spoke of her sister there was fondness in her voice. Apparently she hadn't died until she had been an adult. But though that was all Frau got out of her regarding that subject, he didn't mind. Nobody ever liked talking about their own death.

“You know... and please don't get me wrong, but I'm glad you're here.”

Frau only raised a brow and dug his heel into the soft grass. They were sitting on the edge of the great fountain, the water a soft rush behind them. And no mermaid. Maybe it was better this way, though, as Razette had never liked him anyway. “How do you... mean...?” The words rolled slowly, cautiously, off his tongue.

Tamika sighed, and as Frau glanced at her he watched her groping for words. “Don't tell him,” she finally said. “He won't like it that I talked about it,” her warm smile tilted slightly. “But I haven't seen Gido this happy in a long time. A... lot of things happened after his death. Up here and down there with you, and it wasn't easy. You simply being here really helps, I think. It's so rare to see him open up to someone."

Well, _that_ was interesting. Frau turned his head and frowned slightly. “I thought that's what ten years in heaven do to you...” he mentioned carefully. “I don't... remember him like that,” Frau rubbed a hand over his arm where the scythe once had been. “He used to tease me and was always busy, but... he...”

“Always had a smile for you,” Tamika nodded, then smiled and added, “Because he cares for you, like you cared for Tiashe, like I care for him. Neither of us wants the other to worry. He wanted you to stay a child just a little longer. Life is harsh enough... don't you agree?”

Frau bowed his head and nodded. He understood.

It was something he didn't like thinking about much, but the last time Gido had interacted with him before Frau had come to this place, he had been a child. Yet now he was no longer a child. There was a definite gap between those two timelines, as much as Frau didn't like it.

“But I'm no child anymore.” It was meant to be a complaint, but it came out as something between a realisation and a defeated sigh. Frau wondered just how much this had sunken in with Gido on an overall scale. “Maybe I should talk to him...” Frau mused aloud and sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tamika saw Gido and immediately decided to adopt that kid. She saw him and went like "my son" and hugged him. Gido got no say in it.


	6. Chapter Five: Ancestry

Everything was good.

For once in his life, Frau actually dared to be certain of that. Even though he was dead and had lost Teito, though it felt little by little more like having him left behind in a far away place. But death had reunited him with Gido.

Frau watched Gido's sleeping face, knowing that he would wake him, even if only for a few moments, if he snuggled into his arms: knowing that two warm, solid arms would close around him and not let go, but Frau didn't move. As he watched, a sleepy smile played around the corners of his mouth, and for all he knew, Frau felt tired enough to fall back asleep any moment. Except he didn't want to. He wanted to watch some more and just indulge in the fact that Gido was with him and that he had missed Frau and that _everything was okay for once_. With that thought, Frau nuzzled into Gido's arms, closing his eyes and drifting off into sleep again.

He barely noticed the tired hand running through his hair and a quiet mutter of words that didn't make sense anymore as he was falling asleep. But he still noticed Gido's warm breath, the sound of a deep, sleepy voice and the kiss that pressed to his head. It made Frau smile as he fell asleep.

When he woke again the bed was empty, but it wasn't cold and immediately the smile came back to his lips. Frau rolled over onto his stomach, nose buried in the mattress. A sigh escaped his lips and he was about to doze off again when he noticed as someone sat down next to him. And...there was the smell of coffee.

In an instant Frau had opened his eyes and sat up. He hadn't had coffee in fucking forever. But now Gido's hands where holding a cup filled with the dark, heavenly liquid. The only actually heavenly thing about this place.

When Gido handed him the cup, Frau could do nothing but stare at it for several minutes before he had fully comprehended the situation. It was only then that he started drinking. It was bitter and thick and hot but it warmed his insides in a very pleasant way. With a little sigh leaving his lips, Frau closed his eyes for a moment. Gido had even memorised how he liked his coffee: black, no sugar, no milk, no anything.

Even as a child, Frau had never much liked sweets, though his tolerance had been higher back then. As he had grown older his hunger for anything sweet had rapidly decreased so that by now it was easily sated by a bar of chocolate or a few sugar cubes now and then. Frau wondered whether Gido had remembered this or if it came from watching him through the lake for so long. Either way he was more than glad for it.

“Why do I deserve this treat?” Frau asked with a smile, but all Gido did was smile as well and ruffle his hair. There was another cup in his hands now. This one had a substance of milky brown, he noticed, his smile still visible on half his face. Gido had probably half a dozen sugar cubes in there, he mused. For all Frau lacked in a hunger for candy, Gido seemed to have twice the appetite for it.

It was nice how Gido always messed up his hair; he had done that a lot when Frau had still been a kid. In fact, a lot of people had done that while he had still been a kid, but seldom ever since he had grown to tower above their heads. By then it would have just been awkward for both parties. Not with Gido though. They were equally tall and Frau liked to return the gesture of affection.

Gido's hair slid easy between his fingers when he tousled it, softly scratching his head. Smiling, he noticed how Gido leaned into his touch, so he let his hand rest on the side of Gido's head for a while. Frau's thumb was running lines over the spot next to his eye.

“You do know that this lasts only as long as Teito harbours Pandora's Box, don't you?” he mused, running a couple fingers over Gido's forehead. A content sound answered him and Frau drank from his his coffee.

Gido was sipping at his own, not answering immediately, but when he did it was with a smile. “I am aware,” he said, but Frau could not tell what it meant to him.

Saying he would not go back running to Teito would be a lie, and while most likely Gido had already known that, Frau felt a certain sense of obligation to tell him anyway. He wanted it to be said, so they were clear on this as well.  
“Does that mean I shall seize the chance while I still have it?” Gido mused, wondering. Something seemed to lie on his tongue, but he let it rest there as Frau heard no more word from him.

A small chuckle came from his throat and Frau let go of his hair, sliding his hand down to his neck, scratching the soft flesh. “Not exactly. To tell the truth I wouldn't mind, but what you make of this is entirely up to you. I just wanted you to know.”

When Gido looked at him again there was a playful edge to his smile, but also a sliver of forgiveness in his eyes. The kind that came from understanding why, and it suddenly reminded Frau of what Gido had told him not all too long ago. “You would do the same, wouldn't you?” He asked, suddenly quiet, and he had to swallow something that seemed stuck in his throat. Why did this feel so far from relief? Frau sighed, trying to smile once again, tried to figure out what Gido was thinking, but his face was an unrevealing mask of smiles and rainbows. What the hell... This was so unfair. Gido could see through him in a minute, but to Frau everything about him seemed a mystery no matter how much information he gained.

“I'm not sure...” Gido replied to his surprise. “Not anymore.”

“Why?” Frau asked, surprised that he didn't stutter since his insides felt all wobbly suddenly. Hopefully this talk would not go where this suggested it might, because then he might just not know what to do about it.

A deep, heavy sigh escaped Gido's throat and he deflated back into the masses of pillows behind them, his mug set on his stomach so as to not to spill the coffee. “ _Stuff_...” he finally said. “A lot of _stuff_... happened. I'm not sure anymore he still is the man I once knew – or thought I knew.”

“What... _stuff_?” Apparently that was a question to remain unanswered Frau realised, as after a moment or two still nothing came. “Do you still love him?”

For a long time there came no answer, Gido merely sipped on his coffee, and when he finally did reply all he did was repeat, “I'm not sure.” This time Frau put a hand on Gido's knee, squeezing it lightly. “Maybe I get a few more years to figure that out. Maybe we both do.”

That puzzled Frau. “Will he die?” he asked in confusion.

“He might. He is, in a way – a different way, a time bomb like your brat, so...”  
There was no need to explain; Frau already knew. So instead he leaned back and huddled close to Gido. “Let's hope for years we don't have to deal with it,” Gido added with a sigh as he made himself comfortable. Again Frau was puzzled. “Well, I might like to discuss a few things with my boyfriend and I might even need to smack him in the head a few times, but that doesn't mean I explicitly wish for him to throw away his life just to cater the needs of little-old lonely me stuck in Heaven.”

Attentive, Frau listened, and gave an amused snort at his last remark. “No, for that I am here, of course,” he grinned. “But I do see your point.” Only that Pandora's Box had no seal to be trusted, and that it might burst open any day and then the shadow would come to devour Teito and, certainly, he would escape, and somehow end up here when he died anyway. Otherwise, Frau will have to kick a few asses to get Teito to where he belongs.

If there was anyone who deserved a place up here, in Heaven, where everything was moderately okay for once, then it was Teito.

“Be careful what you wish for...” Gido told him quietly and smiled ruefully. As if to answer Frau's confusion he added, “I know what you're thinking of, but... you'll never know what'll happen. Maybe the seal will hold.”

Frau's answer consisted only of shaking his head first. There was just no way it would hold the strain, as he had already seen the cracks, and Gido would certainly agree if he had seen them too. Again Frau shook his head. “It's not gonna stand a chance when it happens and it won't hold much longer either. I know Teito will...” he tried, he tried hard but the word would not come from his lips. “I know he will,” Frau finally said, his voice thick. “I just don't know whether that makes me happy at all.” Although, it would mean they would get to spend more time together. He would get to kiss him and hold him and – God, how he missed it. “Do you ever... miss him?”

To that there was no answer, but Frau thought he could read on the lines of his face that he did. “Tell me more,” he insisted, running a hand over his eyes, kneading the bridge of his nose. For the longest time in his life the terms Gido and relationship had never coexisted in a single thought in his mind.

But now there were a boyfriend and a daughter.

_... Maya._ The name rung no particular bell in his head, only an uncertain feeling of something that had once been familiar. Frau wondered how much more he had forgotten, but did not want to ask. Fear whispered to him that he already knew the answer.

* * *

His memory served him most well when it came to finding anything in the replica of the Great Church of the seventh district of the Barsburg Empire. Well, technically, as Gido had told him what seemed so very long ago, the Church downstairs was the replica and this the original – even down to the smallest details, which was kind of scary when he thought too long about it.

His feet had carried him to the empty orphanage and other halls that he only knew full of life, and he had even dared to visit Bastien's chamber, but had regretted that as well. It was all too depressing, and his expectation began to sink lower and lower with each place he visited. There was no familiarity in this.

Of course there were the other Ghost's and Frau even found himself chatting with a few as he made his way around the church, yet they were a scarce population for such a big place.

All seven towers still stood high and proud and Frau guessed that since all former Ghost's were technically alive in this place, none of them would ever come crashing down. It was a comforting thought, since Frau still remembered the trembling feeling of dread at the sight of Vertrag's shattered tower: a life threatening, existential dread. It had always felt like he was able to taste it in the air, like a substance oozing slowly from the shattered stones. Danger, it had told him, made his instincts tingle. Even now when he looked at it something was bubbling beneath the surface of his conscience, and although he couldn't put it into words Frau knew it meant nothing good.

It was probably due to the loss of the scythe that he could not tell anymore. Frau had always felt as if she had amplified whatever the image of the shattered tower triggered in him. This now seemed clearer than ever to him.

Strolling through the library Frau did not know what he was looking for, and he didn't realise it until it was staring right in his face. Some strange notion urged him to take the heavy leather-bound book he had stumbled upon into his hands. On the back there was nothing but Zehel's insignia imprinted. At least the cover had some letters. It was written in Raggs, he noticed to his own surprise, furrowing his brows at the faded imprints. What once had been a shiny gold was now only dusty specks of the same colour. It made the words hard to read and Frau found himself running a finger over the imprints.

It was something about the history and lineage of the Verius family, though the title was way more eloquent on that.

Wondering why he even bothered, he walked over to one of the armchairs scattered across the library and leaned back into it. For a while when he had been younger there had been a curious moment where he had wanted to know more about the family that he was – apparently – a part of.

The mere fact that it named itself a sole introduction in the book would usually have been enough for him to put the book down, as reading had never been his favourite pastime. Although, he did happen to like it when Gido was the one reading to him. Then again, he was dead and whatever injuries had affected his body then were gone now. Or so he believed. Rubbing his right eye, more out of habit now, Frau made himself comfortable.

Maybe it was the certainty that he would never have to deal with these people again that made him curious now. There was little sympathy in him for the noble, there never had been, and even less after the stories he had heard from Teito. Besides that he saw little point in finding out about things that did not concern him anyway. Technically it did not concern him now either, but somehow he felt drawn to it. Like there was still a quiet little voice whispering in the back of his mind.

And so he opened the book and began to read.

It didn't exactly date back a thousand years and frankly that would have been ridiculous, but the chapters started out with the general titbits of information about Zehel's founding of their family. The tale spun a bit more general when it came to that as it seemed some Ghost's had possessed live bodies while others had chosen a corpse at hand. The living vessels had soon withered away, their minds likewise, leaving nothing but a dead shell. This had led to the conclusion that dead people were the better option. Frau wondered if one could dig that out of the Cuvere somehow, as he was sure it had been noted down by the very first generation. He had always wondered how far back it dated in the first place, but he had never gotten around to figuring it out.

The Ghost's had soon come to understand that power of any kind, mostly religious and political, came to great use when it was to find certain things among the human society, which had lead for them to strive for such. In return this had made them less prone to call out the members of their families on their dirty deeds, as it didn't account well for trying to gain power.

It certainly did explain why all Houses of God seemed to be ruled by old men waging old wars, Frau thought. It also made him wonder what the first deadly tickets might have been. Betrayed wives, bastard sons and daughters, or bankruptcy? Frau would have even laughed, but then he remembered that it wasn't much different now. As if the nobles' problems would only vanish with their whole existence. Or rather when power and wealth would cease to exist, as the name those people gave themselves hardly mattered in the end.

Either way, Frau would not spend a tear for their graves.

As the families had gained power over the centuries, the Verius family had taken up the position of link between the kingdoms and the church. Well, technically it had only been the Ragg's kingdom, but as the Ghost's were a tightly knit family they shared the benefits of that. The concept that their family had built for that purpose was far from flawless though, which was why it had come to a few adjustments over the centuries.

As much as the church required a male regime, so did their family of archdukes.

The concept required two sons, and while the eldest was meant to inherit the title as head of the house it meant little as he was sent to church, striving to become a bishop or pope. And so inherit said title, as it was bound to the pope. Which of course meant that sometimes it went into hands not from the Verius family, but only sometimes. As Frau read through the names listed on the pages, it seemed to him their family had provided a son for each of the last hundred centuries, and each had become a high ranking bishop or pope, though that was probably not true.

With the elder son as a servant of God, it was the task of the second son to become the actual head of the house, as he was the one representing them in the public image and doing all the political work.

Of course, the scheme had seldom worked out properly, and the family had taken up to grant their daughters the choice to keep their title in marriage and become head of the house. Any remaining son would be sent to the church, as to strengthen the bond of friendship which had bloomed between the two parties. Favours were called in and peaceful negotiations between kingdom and church were ensured.

With a sigh Frau let the book drop onto his chest, one hand rubbing his right eye and cursing under his breath. He was dead, so why the hell was this damned thing hurting.

Gido seemed to read the answer on his twisted face. “Some wounds go deep enough for the soul to remember, even in death...”

Frau only groaned, deflating into the armchair. “But I thought...”

“Alas, no...” Gido sighed, rubbing his shoulder and Frau wasn't sure if that was an example or to underline his words. “But it's just a placebo effect; you'll get rid of it over time.”

Now that was finally some good news. Frau sighed, stretched himself and sunk back into the chair once more, closing his eyes for a bit.

“What did you read?”

“Hrmm”, was all Frau had to offer to that and smirked, when he opened his eyes once more. Though somewhat reluctant he gave the page a dog ear and handed the book over to Gido. “I don't know, I was curious,” he replied when Gido eyed him in question, the corners of his mouth still forming a slight grin.

“Marvellous... you didn't die from boredom,” Gido answered with a chuckle as he skimmed the pages Frau had read.

More names and places and stories than he ever cared to remember had been mentioned. But the gist of it had been very interesting. Zehel had known quite a bit about their family, but he had not been very talkative when it came to Frau. So for all he knew was that he was a bastard and all these things had been kept from him all his life. This was finally a chance to catch up on everything.

A sudden thought made him chew his lip, studying Gido closely. Had he acted on mere hope when he had bestowed Zehel's fate on him? For all he knew the Ghost's did not have the power to make someone not their blood a vessel, and even if, there was little chance it would last for long. And then there was the fact that he looked quite a bit like Gido.

“You knew didn't you?” Frau had to close his eyes and press the words out between his teeth. “Or at least had a whim it would work... otherwise you wouldn't have given Zehel to me...” A heavy breath dropped from his lips when Frau opened his eyes again. Something inside him wanted him to be angry or feel betrayed or... he didn't even know anymore, only that he couldn't. He knew it all should be there, especially the yelling that Gido seemed to have missed so much, but it wasn't. Instead there was a gaping hole that seemed to have swallowed whatever feelings that should have been bubbling up.

But when Gido opened his mouth to reply, Frau only shook his head. “I don't wanna hear your excuses. Just tell me the truth. Did you know?” His eyes were now fixed on Gido, drilling holes into him.

At first Gido didn't answer and it was almost enough to get Frau angry after all, but before that could happen Gido spoke. “I did know.” He seemed to press the words out between his teeth, reluctant to say anything about this matter. “I did know we were somehow related.”

Frau shifted in his position, “I promise I won't freak out if you can assure me I'm not screwing my brother or something...”

An amused snort answered him. “I can assure you, you are not screwing your older brother,” Gido chuckled and messed up Frau's hair. “I'm sorry I can't tell you anything specific, because I don't know much about this matter either. But you can rest assured that we don't share a parent.”

Wondering, Frau eyed the book now placed on the table in front of him. Maybe it would be a good thing after all to read it and try to find out more about their family. His family. Although it didn't quite feel like family, as all these names that were mentioned meant nothing to him. They were strangers to him after all. “But you did know my mother, right? … And my dad?” The words sputtered from his lips even before he had thought the whole idea through. Yet Gido was older than him and Eden was a rather small island. At least not many people lived there. He certainly knew something. Gido had already admitted that much when he had talked about his mother.


	7. Chapter Six: Comfort Zones

His mother had died when he was three, and Frau didn't remember much about her, much less her voice or her face. The latter he knew from photographs, but even that had hardly rung a bell. He had thought she was pretty, which Frau remembered from when Magdalen had sat him down and showed him the pictures. Frau remembered she had let him keep them, all of them, and he had stuffed them away in one of his hideouts around Eden.

That woman was a stranger to him, although there had been pictures with both of them and Frau had been pretty sure the baby in her arms was him.

He looked nothing like her, not even a little bit. Her hair had been a warm brown and long and soft, while his was short and blond and no matter what he did, rumpled. Some strands always seemed to stick out. Her eyes were of a dark grey, mixed with green; his were blue. Her nose, her lips, her face; she used to claim he was the spitting image of his father, Mag had told him, and for the longest time Frau had believed that. Now... he wasn't so sure anymore.

Yes, they both did have blond hair and blue eyes, but that was it. Though maybe she had been seeing something he never did.

After her death all her things had been packed away, but Frau did remember his father telling him which one of the rooms had been hers. He remembered going through those boxes.

In fact that was all there had ever been, people telling him stories about her that he did not belong in, how much she would have loved him and cared for him. But none of that had brought her back or eased the gaping hole in his chest. At some point the whole concept of having a mother at all had seemed strange to him.

Sure it was nice, and sure, he would have liked that, but he did not have it and he never would. Magdalen had been always very nice to him, but she had not been his mother and her care had been no compensation.

His father was a different story, though not by much in the very end, only that Frau had a much clearer memory of him. Frau remembered his voice and his face and flying around the island when he couldn't sleep. The memories came easily and vivid.

“So you knew them both,” Frau's interest had already been captured, but Gido was rarely so talkative when it came to things like this. Gido nodded while Frau made himself comfortable next to him on the window sill. “So?” Unable to figure out what to ask first, or what to ask at all, since he didn't really know either of them, he let the decision fall into Gido's hands.

“Your mother...” Gido scratched his head in thought, chewing on that cigarette holder of his. “She was kind, a free spirit as they come, you got that from her... and your soft spot for children, she was the same” a smile swept across his face. “She looked after me and Mag every now and then. I remember Mag was very excited about her being pregnant. Au– err,” Gido stopped dead, smiling, turned his head away, but he didn't explain. “She was busy often, Mag and I had to babysit you then, but whenever she was home you were with her. She spent hours singing to you, carrying you around and talking to you and as long as she did, you were a little angle. As long were on her arms at least...” Gido chuckled lowly. “The stuffed dragon she made you, you were always chewing on its ear and at some point she just gave up repairing it. The thing was as old as you, did you know that?”

Frau shook his head. No, he hadn't, but it made him smile. “Dad told me she was not the most talkative about her family, do you know anything about them?”

“No.” Gido sighed, shaking his head. “Alas no... I'm sorry...”

Something about the way he said it seemed strange to Frau, but he couldn't put his finger on it so he didn't say anything.

There was a moment of silence where Frau's head dropped against the warm window and he closed his eyes.

“You were the most important thing in her life, that much I know for sure.” Frau opened his eyes a bit when Gido spoke, and ran a hand through his hair. It all seemed so surreal, but at the same time it was heart-warming. “I'm sorry I don't remember much more.”

“You're trying...” Frau admitted quietly. “And you're not repeating the same old phrases like everyone always did. That's enough.” And it really was. “So what about my dad?”

“Mick...?” The name rolled of Gido's tongue with a sigh, but the smile on his face was rather fond. Frau found himself slightly paralysed by the name he had not heard for so long. “Oh...”, Gido seemed to notice, “that's right. Your mum gave you his name...”

“It's just weird hearing it after all this time...” Frau tried to smile as he ran a hand over his face. “Keep going.”

“Mikosh, that's his full name, and Clarice was your mothers... I actually knew Mikosh a lot better, due to... circumstances. He helped me with a lot and also when I became leader of the islands' pirates. He was a good guy, had his heart in the right spot. He tried his best to be there for you and never be gone too long. And when he was gone all I ever heard was Mick, Mick, Mick. I bet you, he would have taken you with him if there had been a chance.” A small chuckle left his lips. “One of the best pilots I ever knew... He was a great captain, and he taught you right. I hadn't seen you in years, but you got so upset at the bar back then. I saw you, but I heard him talking.”

“Gido... Gido....” He had been repeating his name until Gido's words had trailed off and he was listening. Frau closed his eyes once more, shifted in his position a little. Some small voice told him this would hurt a lot, but he wanted to know. “What happened? I mean... how did they... nobody ever told me.” Not that anyone ever had a chance to in the end. But for all he knew they were dead and they wouldn't come back home and that was not enough anymore. How had it happened?

A long moment of silence followed and Frau could tell from the look in Gido's eyes that he was contemplating again how much he could take. “I deserve to know, don't you think,” Frau insisted grimly. “Tell me!” There was no need to settle him first.

Something sad and equally painful seemed to flicker across Gido's expression before he began to speak. “I don't know what exactly killed your mum, but I understand as much as that it was some kind of disease...” Gido paused for a moment, seemed to swallow on something. “About your father, well... that was an unfortunate encounter with some asshole that I should have finished off when I still could. The guy that led the sky pirates before me wasn't exactly the one you want to meet in a dark alley at night, and he was drunk and angry and I don't exactly know what happened, but I know that it ended with his death. As well as... that there was little chance to prevent that. I'm sorry, I wish I could have done something... But I wasn't there.”

Something yelled at him not to ask. “What are you not telling me...” And when Gido tried to quiet him, shaking his head Frau only urged on. “What. Are you. Not. Telling. Me,” he repeated, eyes fixed on Gido, hands almost clenched.

“You don't–“

“I do want to know!”

“No...” Gido got up, shaking his head. Frau grabbed his arm to pull him close again, but Gido struggled to get away. “Let go!”

“I won't unless you tell me. I'm sick of everyone only telling me half-truths!”

“And I'm sick of you not knowing when to stop prying. When will you understand that there are some things you're better off not knowing!” Gido blurted out. Angry and... there was pain in his voice.

The words were harsh and they hurt and for a moment Frau was shocked, but not enough to retreat. He had spent all his childhood yelling back and forth with Gido, so his voice, however loud, did not scare him. “I don't care,” Frau felt like his voice shouldn't be this calm and sure. There had been few times he had seen Gido this upset about his constant questions. The flicker of pain had returned as well, and it was no flicker anymore, it was clearly visible on his face. “What is it, what are you not telling me...?” he asked again, more careful this time, squeezing Gido's hand.

“Please don't...”

But not this time, Frau thought, the grip on Gido's hand tightening, his eyes boring holes into him.

Gido swallowed and exhaled a deep breath. “I'm telling you. You're better off not knowing this, but fine.” His lips formed a grim line. “The day your mother died. It was me who found you. – She just... collapsed, and I just knew... and you were just crying and crying and crying and wouldn't stop. You just wouldn't stop, you didn't understand what was going on. And it hurt so much to see you like that, because you'd just lost her and you wouldn't even have your father because Mick had to come with me. But you were tiny and helpless and you didn't deserve for us to leave you, damn it!”

Breathing felt unspeakably hard when Gido stopped talking and Frau had to swallow a few times, take a few deep breaths before he could even start thinking clearly again. He had been so right. Gido had been so right, he hadn't wanted to know that.

“You should have had it better. You shouldn't have to suffer... That was always the plan.”

“Well it didn't work out!” Frau wanted to yell at him, but it only came out broken and exhausted. “Nobody was ever there for me until you came. And then you... you were gone too...” Something tightened in his throat.

“I'm sorry...”

“That doesn't even cover it...” Frau said, his voice thick with old pain. It was all coming back, and when Frau realised he was staring at Gido's hand it sickened him. God no, was all he could think, before pushing as much as possible back down as he locked it up. “I was... so alone... I missed you so much.” The words were not meant to come out, but they did anyway.

It was good when Gido came close again to wrap him up in his arms and to run a hand through his hair, because Frau didn't want to think about Gido being gone or anything else but what was going on here. Some tears were forcing their way out of his eyes, and Frau stubborn blinked them away and ignored them. “Just don't go anywhere...” he muttered, his face buried in Gido's shirt. The other answered something quietly into his hair, because that's where he had buried his face.

For the longest time Frau didn't even realise how hard he had been clinging to Gido, trying to swallow everything that was forcing its way up, pushing and locking it away once more. It was over now; Gido was here and he wouldn't go. He was carding his hand through Frau's hair like he used to. He was warm and he had a heartbeat and that was even more than he had ever asked for.

In the end Frau had no recollection of how long he had sat there, hands clutched into Gido's shirt, breathing in his scent and finally feeling somewhat okay again. The pain was still there, but it was only a dull ache now, something easily ignored. Slowly the grip of Frau's hand began to loosen.

Exhaustion washed over him.

* * *

It was a bright sunny day when it happened and Frau thought the sun was betraying the grim nature of the matter. He had overslept the matter itself, as the deed had been done at night and now they presented him with the result.

To Frau it seemed almost surreal that Ayanami should be dead, that he should be actually up here. But they assured him he was, and Gido had this constant sorry look on his face. And however much Frau asked there was no answer to the cause of it.

And for once in all the time he had been here Frau wished Gido would actually take time to settle him down. He craved proximity. Strangely enough, Gido held him at an arm's length, telling him in that deep calm voice what had happened and how matters were now. And Frau just couldn't believe it. How could Ayanami have made it up here? Or had it been two souls after all and whatever was left of his human side had now escaped?

“We're keeping him away from everyone for a while, so we all can adjust to the situation,” Gido told him and Frau wanted to yell at him that he sounded way too calm. There was a sheer endless moment of silence. “But I can bring you to him, if you want to.”

It was only now that Frau noticed he was shaking and no, no, no he did not want to see Ayanami. Not now, not ever. Why was he even here? It was beyond his comprehension because it shouldn't have happened, and finally Gido closed his arms around him and held him tight. Burying his face in Gido's clothes, Frau took a deep breath, inhaling the familiar scent, the leather and smoke and slowly, slowly, he felt like he was calming down again. “You're not telling me everything are you?” Frau muttered, half guessing the matter. Gido pressed a kiss to his head, and it was nice, but he did not really notice.

“Everything at its time,” Gido merely said and Frau felt his grip tightening for a moment, and after another while one of his hands started running circles across his back.

Frau had no clue how long he let Gido soothe him, standing there with his face buried in his coat and finally beginning to feel calm again. It was only then when he remembered to move again. Apparently Gido had waited for him to calm down, because there was definitely more going on, and for a moment Frau just scrunched up his face. Oh no, there was more. He didn't want there to be more. All he wanted was for Gido to stay with him and keep him calm.

Strangely, Gido chuckled. “You will like this,” he promised with a soft smile.

“No, I won't,” Frau complained without knowing what they were talking about.

But Gido shook his head. “I've got a surprise for you and you'll love it... I know it.” A little, reassuring smile sat on Gido's lips and as much as Frau wanted to trust him, he found it quite hard right now. What the hell should be good about Ayanami being dead and stuck up here? There was nothing he could imagine that Gido could do to make it up to him.

Growling quietly, Frau followed when Gido urged him to come along. It only became amusing for a small bit when he remembered that it had been a lot like this when he had been younger. Gido had always put all his efforts into getting anywhere, but Frau had only repaid him with grumpiness. “Where are we going?” he asked, but there was no answer, and Gido merely kept dragging him down the corridor.

Oh... This wasn't far from where they had been. Even weirder Gido pointed at the door right next to Frau's room. It had been unoccupied for all he knew.

“Here we are,” Gido smiled. With questions in his eye Frau looked at Gido, scrutinising him, wondering what the hell this was going to be. “Come on, go inside,” Gido urged him on, giving him a little shove towards the door. “For me?” This was definitely a plea.

“God dammit!” Frau rolled his eyes. “Alright... just stop begging like that.” At that Gido only beamed and Frau felt his eyes on him as he slowly approached the door and went inside. “But if this is some sick joke I swear I'll make you regret it later!” he said, turning his head towards the man behind him who was still beaming like mad.

The door slowly fell shut behind him, though Frau barely noticed it when he saw what Gido had definitely wanted him to see. But it felt as surreal as when he had heard of Ayanami's arrival. This just couldn't be. No, it wasn't true. That goddamn– He wasn't– Pressing his lips together Frau bit back whatever the thing stuck in his throat was. It felt like a sob, or something dangerously close. “You goddamn brat, what's so hard about not dying...” Towards the end Frau felt his voice breaking away because Teito was smiling and a moment later he had him in his arms and that just wasn't true. Only that it was and it felt so damn good.

Frau's heart was skipping beats way too fast when he closed his arms around the slender figure. Oh God, he was warm and solid and just a real as Gido had been. And that was as tragic as it was comforting, and actually made him feel quite conflicted because Frau surely did not want Teito to be dead. But here he was. God it felt good getting to hold him again and Frau wouldn't trade that for anything, he realised.

“You've grown...” Frau noticed, smiling to himself. His head had sunken and he'd buried his face in Teito's hair

Teito was laughing, “yeah...” And crying. Frau could hear it in his voice, so he kept hugging him. “Are you... okay? I- I never thought I'd...”

“I am. I'm here. I won't leave,” Frau reassured him without thinking twice. That damn brat had definitely grown, and quite a bit. A heavy sigh escaped Frau's lips when he dared to lift his head. “It's good to see you, you stupid kid,” he muttered.

There was a weak smile on Teito's lips. “I'm no kid, you idiot,” he started to complain, but drying his eyes with a laugh.. Though it only turned into sobs when Frau wiped his thumbs across Teito's cheeks, before he wrapped him up in his arms again. Muttering soft little words and stroking his back in slow circles. Strangely through all the distress Frau found himself smiling.

Even though he couldn't see it, he could feel the smile on Teito's lips when he lifted his head and kissed Frau. “I've missed you... hey... don't tell me you are crying.”

“I'm not,” Frau complained, closing his eyes while Teito cupped his face and attempted to wipe away whatever he saw.

Gido had been so damn right, Frau was mad at him. He loved this surprise, as much as he regretted the circumstances which had brought them together again. The seal had broken, he knew without even asking.

Teito's weight sunk against his chest, and for a brief moment Frau thought that everything was going to turn out all right.


	8. Chapter Seven: Refurbished Annoyance

**Gido**

“I'm not going to do it,” Gido shook his head, drawing the last breath from his cigarette before squashing it with his heel. He felt like he needed much more than just a couple of cigarettes, but this was all he wanted to show them of his uneasiness. Mostly, it was because if they figured out how he really felt about all this, they would probably end up sending someone else and that... that would just be a mess. Still, he tried to talk them out of it.

“He will listen to you, won't he?” The old man stared holes into him, and Gido couldn't stand it. Sometimes he wondered if the man before him had actually lived to die of old age, had decided on his own to take this form, or really had just aged in the process of hundreds of years in human history, watching them up here. However it was, his presence made Gido feel quite uncomfortable for reasons he didn't want to think about. “And he will do as you say?”

“Most likely...” Gido kept rubbing his cigarette into the stony ground, almost absent-mindedly. “But I'm not going to do it.”

“It has already been decided by the council,” the stern old face told him, and Gido felt like the man knew perfectly well what his piercing eyes pulled out from the depths of his mind. “He will be brought here and you will be the deliverer.”

“And why me?” Gido complained, obviously frustrated with the whole situation.

“Well, you can... can't you, Kor-child?” The knowing smirk upon that man's face when he cringed upon hearing that word made Gido want to punch him very, very badly.

But he never got to follow his thoughts through, because by the time he felt capable of moving again, the man had already disappeared, leaving Gido to relentlessly mutter curses under his breath instead.

Gido sighed to himself, running a hand over his face. It was the middle of the night and everyone, well most of everyone around here, was asleep. Frau was asleep and maybe that was for the best. Would they even bother if he ignored their wishes? Probably.

Most likely.

It was one of those rare nights where he really, actually, wished to be in bed, and the feeling was sickening.

They had not dragged him out of bed per se, but Gido had barely managed to keep them away from Frau.

With another heavy sigh Gido leaned into the door frame, watched the slow and steady movement of Frau's chest. Frau could probably oversleep the destruction of anything and everything around him, Gido mused with a small chuckle, and then he walked over. He was crouching by the bedside, wondering what he should do. Whatever little common sense he had left screamed at him to stay, because whatever would follow if he did obey, certainly did no good. More, it would do Frau no good and that was enough for him when it came down to it.

Yet he found himself pressing a kiss to Frau's head and whispering, “sleep well,” when he pushed away a few strands of blond hair.

On his way out Gido told himself that it would be easier to keep things at bay this way, but who the hell did he think he was trying to kid with that? It was a selfish deed and would only make everything a whole lot more complicated.

Quietly, Gido let the church gate close behind him, carefully eyeing the towers and walls, knowing that they were watching. But the growing distance made him feel less uneasy about it.

“All right where are you...,” Gido muttered to himself. He had stopped under a small group of trees, hidden beneath their evergreen, blooming, canopy and listened. The birds had gone to sleep, except for a few exotic types and clearly some that did not even exist downstairs. But overall it was a peacefully quiet, rarely disturbed by a few chirps.

He had sat down in the soft grass, listening to the faint drumming of darkness. It had always been less of a feeling, than a sound. A drumming, a pounding in his head that would just not go away. Some sounds were deep and dark, some were high enough to be so bright they would blind his mind. It was never pleasant either way, but Gido had learned to live with it. When he had been a kid, it had been much scarier. By now he was more than often able to ignore it. Right now though...

Gido ran a hand over his face, realising he had been heading in the wrong direction. From here it would be impossible to locate anything. So he got up and started walking again.

How others perceived this world Gido wasn't sure, but he suspected that its borders were much clearer to him than to most of the others. It was less likely to get lost when you had a sense of direction, and Gido had taught himself a few tricks to manage that. The church was far behind him by the time the drumming became more apparent. He wasn't even close to the lake or the hot springs, and the gardens were growing wilder and thicker in these parts.

The air was growing vibrant with darkness, so if he had walked on Gido was sure at some point he would have been able to taste it on his tongue. A shudder ran through him. He certainly didn't like these parts, even less by night anyway. Branches cracked under his boots now and then, but for the most part the soft ground swallowed his steps.

It was only when he heard their voices that Gido stopped trying to figure out what he was sensing and just listened. Someone was arguing, complaining at least. How curious, he thought as he approached a clearing in the unkempt, overgrowing mess of gardens this was. Some part of him wanted to call out a name, but somehow the act seemed foolish to him.

Suddenly, something bumped into him.

Someone had bumped into him, Gido realised when he looked down.

Tiashe's mouth was twisting and he was rubbing his head. “Who the hell–“ Tiashe stopped dead in his tracks when he looked up and saw Gido's face. “Zehel?”, his voice a breath. So he remembered him, Gido thought, and he decided to value this as a good sign.

“You're not who I was looking for,” Gido stated though, averting his eyes rather quickly. God almighty, this kid was brimming with light and Gido could only stare for a few moments. It all seemed too surreal. Maybe he was dreaming, he wondered, or maybe he had gone to bed after all and was only dreaming this whole situation. His eyes skimmed the area. “Are you alone?”

“Well, I wasn't until a minute ago!”

Gido watched Tiashe scurry around searching for someone...or something? Maybe his dragon. No, not that. Ayanami was here, he knew it. It was that fingers-creeping-down-your-spine chill. “Over there,” Gido turned his head towards a dark corner not far from them. No light reached between the shrubs and trees there, but Gido knew anyway. “Come out, no harm will come to you,” he called and wondered why his voice was so calm. It did not feel right when his insides felt like they were all jumbled up. Maybe it was a good thing Tiashe had died as well, this way he had something to concentrate on.

Leaves rustled when Ayanami quietly emerged from the shadows. Unlike Tiashe, who still wore his regular clothes, his appearance had changed. He was younger now, a good ten years at least. His uniform was similar but certainly not that of the chief of staff, even though the hat begged to differ. To Gido it was a sick joke. There was no sign of recognition on his face, but Gido was sure it was there. So he merely squinted his eyes for a moment trying to find the small twitch of his mouth or eye. It was not there.

Of course not, it never seemed to be there.

It was hard to describe what exactly Ayanami was radiating. Being exposed to his soul alone amplified what he had always felt as well and suddenly Gido didn't feel so used to it anymore. What he knew was that it was dark and dooming and bottomless _and hungry_. And unlike anything else it was not a mere echo of darkness simply stating it was there, but that it had its own voice, its own existence. It was talking back and having a staring contest with whatever it seemed to see in Gido.

Only when Tiashe spoke did Gido snap out of it.

“What's going on? Why are you looking for him?”

Gido kept boring holes into Ayanami. It was unpleasant, but he was not scared and he knew that he would get used to it once more, with time of course. It took him a while to realise that he did not feel calm but rather confused, uncertain what to feel at all, but certain to not let anything through at this moment. There were other things to focus on as well.

“You were not supposed to die...” Gido had started chewing on his cigarette holder, slowly averting his gaze and eyeing Tiashe. “What happened?”

Tiashe shifted in his position, pushing Gido's hand from his head. Then he eyed Ayanami, and then looked back to Gido once more. His look was cool, calculating. “You can trust me,” Gido assured him. “I'm here, it seems, to collect both of you.”

“Why?” Tiashe eyed him with curiosity and suspicion.

“Because we obviously can't have Verloren running around Heaven, can we? And neither should you stay here...” Gido paused for a moment, and then his gaze softened. Frau would be more than happy to see him, he thought.

“What is it?” Tiashe asked, curiously eyeing him.

“You'll see...” Gido merely responded with a smile. “C'mon,” he motioned them to follow him. “Both of you. This is no place to stay and I have only tonight to bring you in. Your questions will be answered in time.” To his own surprise, neither of them argued and they followed willingly shortly thereafter. Tiashe was walking only a few steps behind, apparently brooding over something, but Ayanami was keeping a safe distance and Gido found himself glancing over his shoulder now and then to check back.

It was early morning when Gido reached the church with Tiashe and Ayanami quietly tagging along. The silver linings were vanishing into purple and soon red, orange, and yellow as the sun went up. However, it was hard to actually see a sun around here, as it was more like a colour gradient that matched common daytime.

Nobody was up at these hours, and if they were they did not frequent the yard. Frankly, Gido did not care much if anyone saw him right now, though he certainly did not want to talk to anyone right now.

The five men of the self-proclaimed council were sitting under a tree playing chess when Gido arrived. Although neither of them said a thing Gido could read in their smug faces how pleased they were with him.

He wanted to punch them for it.

“So the prodigal son has returned,” one said smiling and another chuckled. Gido ignored it. “But you've brought more than one sheep.”

“The boy happened to be with him,” Gido stated crisply, avoiding their gazes. “I figured it would be best to bring him in as well.”

“You made the right decision” a young man with hair just as dishevelled as Frau's replied, his smile bright and happy. “Very well, leave the abomination to us and you can bring the boy away.” A smirk, that made not punching him very hard, lined the man's face.

“No, I'll take care of both of them. Just tell me where to bring him,” Gido said folding his arms.

For a long time the men just stared at him, contemplating and sometimes exchanging short glances. “Very well...” the old man said at last. One of the younger ones handed a key to Gido, and it was heavy and cold in his hand. “Bring him to the quarters near the tower. As for the boy, it is entirely up to you.”

“Very well indeed,” Gido smiled, but there was nothing happy or carefree about it. “Come,” he said, turning to usher Tiashe away. Ayanami still kept his distance. He had considered dropping Tiashe off somewhere, but that would most likely result in the brat running off, and searching the whole goddamn church for him was something Gido did not want to do this early in the morning.

Everything was quiet as they crossed the yard and headed towards Vertrag's tower. Although intact in this world, something dark seemed to be looming above it. Even the others were uncomfortable in its presence.

Going by Ayanami's expression he did not seem to mind, but then again hardly anything could ever be read off that stoic mask on his face.

The air seemed cold as they entered the building right next to it, and Gido led Ayanami to one of the chambers. It was quite comfortable for an esteemed prisoner. “You will not leave,” Gido told him quietly as he fastened a set of cuffs around Ayanami's wrists. Those bastards must have planned this all along, but Gido could hardly think about that because God, his hands were warm. Warm. The chain connecting them left just enough range to move his arms a little. “You will not so much as breath unless you are told to,” Gido said, ignoring Ayanami's stare.

“So where are we going now?” Tiashe's words seemed to come from far away when Gido left the building with Ayanami inside, locked safely in his room, behind. “Gido!”

“You're taking this whole thing surprisingly calmly, kid...” Gido stated, not sure whether to be amused by it. “You're dead and you've just locked up your arch enemy who's also your uncle in what seems to be a replica of the church you fled from months ago.”

“I knew I was going to die,” the words bounced flat to the floor, heavy with emotion. “Sooner or later, the seal wouldn't hold. I was prepared for that. And since Ayanami has been dealt with you will now answer my questions.”

What determination. Gido smiled and fished a cigarette out of his pocket. “Oh, will I?” he mused and lit his cigarette. Where the hell did these brats always take such certainty from? “How come you're so certain?” he muttered, more to himself though when he drew a deep breath of blue smoke. There was, of course, no answer.

“And we both know there's only one thing I want to know,” Tiashe said, folding his arms and blocking his way. “Where's Frau?” There was cold-blooded determination in his eyes that told Gido he would go through anybody to get Frau back. It was strangely heart-warming to see that Frau meant so much to him.

At first he was surprised, and Gido had hoped to prevent the boy from jumping at Frau the minute he entered the church by just not mentioning him. Apparently though, Tiashe had only waited for an opportunity; at last Gido smiled. “Asleep and safe”, he said. “And I would like to keep it that way for another while...”

“But–”

“Do you really think you're the only one who's had it rough these last months?”

“But–”

“He's not aware that Ayanami is here. Much less that you're dead.”

“But–!”

“I will tell him, when I think he can take it. Until then you will lay low, understood?”

There was a moment of silence where Tiashe was quietly fuming, probably countless arguments forming on his lips, and Gido was surprised that he managed to keep all of them to himself.

“Tsk,” the boy turned his head away. “All right...”

Gido sighed to himself, running a hand through his hair and glad that he'd never had to deal with Frau at that age. “Come on... we'll get you something to eat and then we can talk and later you can see Frau, does that sound good?” A small smile appeared on his lips when he offered a hand to Tiashe. Of course he didn't take it, but Tiashe followed along when Gido led him to the kitchen.

At this hour there was rarely anyone awake so the place was empty, and they found themselves alone in the big rooms. When he glanced at Tiashe there was a sad glint in his eyes for a moment. Gido wondered where it came from, but before he could ask it was gone. “So... what's on your mind?” Gido asked as they decided on what to have for breakfast.

“Why the hell does this place look like the great church!?” Tiashe blurted out.

Oh boy, Gido thought with a smirk. That question really seemed to gnaw at him. “Not sure...” he said, as they collected everything they needed. “Only that this one must have been here first, I'm rather sure that the one downstairs is the actual replica. Maybe it's because the one downstairs is considered the residence of the Ghosts?”

“Why?” Tiashe asked. Neither of them were particularly hungry, so breakfast was organised rather easily. “This could be a replica likewise.”

“Just a hunch,” Gido smirked, and then followed by taking a bite of his food, falling silent as he chewed. A rather big hunch, he thought to himself. Especially when you knew for certain that the great church of Barsburg had not been there from day one of the Ghost's arrival. They had most likely rebuilt it from memory. And their memory was splendid, just to mention it. “What else?”

“Do all Ghost's come here?”

“Most do... sometimes we've got trouble finding someone, and then it takes time. That or they just don't stay...” Tiashe blinked in confusion, so Gido explained. “Sometimes, though rarely, it happens that the hosts don't take it all too well with what happens to them. There are those who don't accept their own existence... Although I've been told it's been long since we had that. Everyone else usually stays until they can go down again.”

Tiashe listened, quietly munching on his breakfast. And when he finally spoke, his voice was quiet and cautious. “Is he okay? Frau I mean... you said...”

Was Frau okay? Good question, Gido thought. He was wondering that way too often himself. Sometimes he clearly seemed not okay, but even then he wouldn't talk about it. Though having Tiashe back would certainly heal some of these wounds, wouldn't it? “As good as he can be...”, Gido said at last and smiled thinly. It was as close to the truth as he allowed himself to get.

Tiashe huffed.

“I wish I could I tell you what's been going on in that brat's head.” The words rolled off as easy as ever off his tongue, but it felt strange. Frau certainly wasn't some kid anymore, yet it served well to distance himself. And distance was the exact thing he needed, Gido thought as he sipped on his coffee. “He's better than when I picked him up,” he then added and tried to ignore his revolting stomach. This was no time to have Ayanami crawl back into his mind. “I'm sure it will do him good to see you,” the smile crept back onto his lips and spread onto Tiashe's.

They spent their time eating in silence and by the time they left the kitchen the other Ghost's where slowly starting to crawl out of their holes.

“Who were these men?” Tiashe asked, trying to keep Gido's pace. There was no need to tell him where they were going, as the boy knew most likely where already. “Those you brought me and Ayanami to?”

“They're our self-proclaimed council,” Gido replied, tugging at the fur covering his wrists. “They're the oldest here, so they are the ones who make the big decisions... They are the ones who decided Ayanami should stay with us, as well.”

“And you never question it?” Tiashe asked.

Gido shook his head. “Some do, most don't. We rarely ever need their council but all-in-all it is quite wise to have someone to make the final decision. Consider that our own history makes us prone for heated arguments. We all value different things as more important. So maybe it is for the best that we have them.”

Tiashe muttered some phrase of understanding and trudged along to his step. “But one thing is still bothering me...”

“And that would be?”

“Why was Ayanami with me? He's Verloren, right? He shouldn't be allowed in this place... It just... it doesn't make any sense,” he shook his head.

Gido agreed in silence. No, it didn't. Ayanami should not have been allowed so much as near this world unharmed. No... Verloren... Gido corrected himself. Verloren... How strange. He had always thought of them as two, but as it seemed now there was only one. He could tell from the darkness that was almost literally oozing from his soul. So all he said when he finally spoke was, “I wish I could tell...”

To that, Tiashe didn't answer.

Delivering Tiashe to the bishop quarters and Fea's care had been fairly easy, and it also ensured that the brat wouldn't go off running. Now all that was left was to inform Frau. With a sigh Gido ran a hand over his face and through his hair. What a bother... Would it have been so bad to leave Ayanami where he was? Then again Gido wasn't sure if this had made anything any better or not.

Across the yard he noticed Tamika and waved, and she followed suit and smiled. For a moment Gido watched her, wondering if he should walk over, but decided not to. Instead he went back to his own room to look after Frau, who was, to no surprise, still asleep. Sometimes Gido envied his ability to sleep through anything.

He couldn't wake him just now. Reality would catch up on them soon enough. Something inside him urged him to crawl back into bed and bury his face in Frau's back, to just inhale his scent that had become so familiar in the last months. But that would be unfair; Frau had said so himself after all. This all would be over once Tiashe was dead and they would go back to what...? There was nothing to go back to...

Right, there was Ayanami.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *gestures at Gido* Yes, I'm painfully aware he's an idiot. Half the time it's entertaining - the other half I want him out of my head.


	9. Chapter Eight: Mirror Mirror

It felt far from real. Thick heavy tears had begun rolling down Teito's cheeks at some point; he was sobbing, and strangely enough smiling in between and hugging Frau. Sometimes he let go just to look at him and then proceeded to hug him, all while Frau was still trying to comprehend the situation. He was dead, it was only really sinking in just now. _Oh my God_ , he was dead. Happiness felt twisted when Frau realised he should mourn him. It all... It all did not feel right. It shouldn't be a good thing to be happy about someone's death, yet Frau found that he had rarely ever been as happy as when he pressed Teito's warm slender body against his. It barely soothed the panic that was rising in him, though.

“I really never thought I would see you again,” Teito muttered, clutching Frau's coat tight. Then drawing a deep, shaky breath trying to calm himself, wiping away tears as Frau did the same, feeling his head leaning against his hand. “You're warm...” Teito muttered, nuzzling his face into Frau's hand.

Frau merely smiled, running his fingers through his hair, pressing a kiss to his head and made a mental note to thank Gido later. “Yeah... Had to actually get used to that,” he said with a grin.

He felt Teito smile against his hand. “It's nice... and hard to believe...” Teito murmured and pressed a kiss to his lips, at which Frau grinned for a moment, and then promptly kissed back. There was a quite too familiar itch in his fingers to touch him, and Frau suddenly felt immensely depraved of touch, as if all that happened between him and Gido had meant nothing, but that was not quite true, it only had not been the right kind of proximity. It had been different; it had been that bottle of vodka only meant to purge yourself from the pain you end up crying about at four a.m. in the morning. Gido's kiss had been only meant to drown his demons, while it had been Teito his soul had longed for.

There was something bitter on his tongue though, when he kissed him. Frau had missed him, he had missed him so much and how he had-- He had not known he would see Teito this soon again though. Therefore Frau reasoned he could hardly be blamed for what had happened, or maybe this was just to make him feel less guilty.

Frau hadn't even realised he had buried his face in the space between Teito's neck and collarbone. It was warm there and his scent filled his nose, calming the rising storm inside his mind. “The seal broke... didn't it...” It wasn't even meant to be a question. He just had to say it this once. There was hardly any other explanation, Frau realised when he settled his head in a much more comfortable position, while Teito ran a through his hair and started to play with the blond strands.

It felt oddly wrong. That was Gido's thing. Teito should not do Gido's thing. Yet it was relaxing just the same, so for the moment Frau chose to ignore that and closed his eyes. “I'm sorry I couldn't protect you... it wasn't supposed to happen... It was never supposed to happen.”

Teito pinched his ear, making him flinch. “You moron! If that hadn't happened I wouldn't be here now!” He huffed and put a pout on his lips.

“But that wasn't supposed to happen!” Frau lifted his head. “None. Of this. Was supposed to happen! You were meant to live and I... I didn't want to die and leave you alone. You hear me?” Frau glared, but when he kissed him it was soft and careful. “I was happy for once...” The last words were nothing but a whisper and a breath against warm skin, when his head sunk and he pressed a kiss to his neck.

“Frau...”

He bit down, drawing blood, pleased with the gasp that came from Teito's lips. “And I'm angry...” his voice easily filled with pain. “You were not meant to be here. Ayanami neither, that bastard belongs to rot in hell...”

“Frau he's still... my uncle.” That word sounded as weird as it probably felt to Teito.

The coppery taste filled his mouth easily when Frau started sucking on the wound, leaving an overall red mark on his skin. “It's not good that you're here.” It was confusing that it made him happy. It shouldn't make him happy that the person he loved was dead, even though that meant they were together again. Should it?

“Don't say that, you don't mean that...” There was pain in his voice, and Frau wished there wasn't. He wished for a moment he had kept his mouth shut, when he noticed how tight Teito was holding on. He remembered clinging to Gido and suddenly that was enough and he gave in, mumbling, “I'm so sorry" over and over again. “You should have had it better, that was always the plan,” Gido's word sputtered from his lips and it was almost enough to make him cry. Frau was thankful that he didn't.

Frau later remembered that they talked, but hardly about what. It was more the taste on his tongue, the warm skin under his hands, the sweet sounds that left his lips and the familiar scent in his nose that he remembered. And when it came down to it Frau hardly wanted to remember anything else, after all they had plenty of time to talk now. Although he could hardly believe that there would be any reason for Teito to stay up here. He had never been a Ghost, and though he had harboured Verloren's body, his soul had barely been touched.

Day had melted into night had melted into day and bright rays of light were shining through the gap in the curtains. Teito was still sleeping though it was near midday, but then again there was a lot to take in about this place. Teito's eyes blinked open when Frau pushed a few brown strands out of his face.

“I thought you were going to sleep the whole day,” Teito muttered, winding his arms and legs snug around Frau's body.

Frau snorted quietly, but amused. “You've been awake the whole time?”

“Not really,” Teito gave a small yawn and buried his face in Frau's shoulder. “I dozed off in between... I didn't want to get up.”

Frau felt him smirk, and pressed a kiss near his ear, digging his teeth into the soft skin of it. He trailed a line of kisses down his neck, but was interrupted when Teito landed a soft punch on his shoulder.

“Never thought it would take our deaths to get you this far...” Teito muttered, biting Frau's ear.

To that Frau only huffed, returning the bite and flipping them over, pinning him down with ease. “You're enjoying that way too much brat,” Frau growled when he noticed Teito's smirk.

“Maybe...” he replied, writhing. Eyes half shut and smirking.

There was no denying, Teito definitely knew how to get his way, and Frau found it strangely comforting to know he was still the same annoying brat. “You are enjoying this,” Frau repeated, yet smiling and he kissed his nose. “I'm glad,” he said, and Teito only blinked before he returned his smile and buried his nose in his cheek, burying Teito beneath him, before rolling to his side after a while.

“I'm already dead, no need to worry you'll suffocate me with your weight anymore,” Teito teased.

“I know,” Frau replied with a sigh, but still smiled. Stupid brat, Frau thought. Still, he rolled over onto his back, rubbing the last sleep out of his eyes. They fell shut either way when he sighed and smiled to himself. A while ago he had thought he couldn't be any happier and now he would have to argue about that. Teito was moving closer, curling up next to him and suddenly Frau was very glad that he didn't try kissing him awake.

Gido had done that and Frau had loved it, for the mere fact that it was so much nicer than being kicked out of bed by Castor.

Teito had started running a hand through his hair and Frau opened his eyes, scrutinising him. “What...?” he asked.

“The man who brought me here said something peculiar... He said you all stay here till you can go back down again,” Teito said and sunk down onto Frau's chest. “What did he mean?”

“The man who brought you here?” Frau echoed, feeling way more content when he was the one running a hand through Teito's hair then the other way around.

“Yeah, Zehel before you, he brought me here and Ayanami as well,” Teito declared and shifted a little in his position, to have it more comfortable it seemed. “I forgot his name...”

“Gido brought you in?”, Frau asked, confused and sat up. He felt slightly dizzy, not quite awake yet, why would Gido even... It made no sense. Teito nodded, he noticed, and tried to smile a bit.

“What did he mean by that, Frau?” There was concern on his face, but Frau couldn't really concentrate on it as the ugly feeling in his stomach was too hard to ignore. Although Gido had not lied to him per se, he had voluntarily kept that information from him and Frau knew him well enough to be certain that there was a good reason for that. Though, Teito did not need to worry about that, so he kept quiet for now.

A sigh escaped his lips. “Well... there's a catch,” he began and realised that Teito would not like this. Even more he would want to stay... Certainly, he would. Why the hell... Gido could at least have kept his mouth shut about this, Frau thought as he ran a hand over his face. He leaned onto his hand, his elbow resting on his knee, getting comfortable. “As former Ghosts we need to wash out the darkness first before we can even think about being reborn...” Frau was surprised how easy the words slipped from his lips.

To his surprised Teito took it all quite calmly. “How long...?” was all he asked.

His lips parted, but the words would not come out. Years, decades, that much Frau knew... How long exactly he couldn't say. “I don't know,” he admitted. “Long...” and after a moment he added. “We're definitely talking decades.” There was no answer to that, but Frau noticed how Teito curled up in his lap and Frau pressed a kiss to his head. “What's wrong?”

“I was vessel to Mikhail and Verloren's body, that's going to take more than decades to wash out...”

Frau was speechless. It was like Teito found these things to lunge himself onto and then cling to them with all his dear might.

“Stupid!” Was it even possible to be this wrong. How could he even believe, Frau felt like something that was meant to be yelled and screamed was stuck in his throat. His nails were digging into the sheet, but he hardly noticed. “You damn brat, is that really what you think?!”

_“I mean, that both of you have souls that burn so pure it's amazing you don't blind innocent onlookers.”_

Gido's voice was clear and vibrant in his head, ringing in his ears.

Teito was startled by his anger. Good, Frau thought, gritting his teeth.

_“And neither of you seem to believe it.”_

Well, you can hardly blame me for that, Frau thought and swallowed, running a hand through his hair. But he would not allow Teito to think the same way. “If the shadow had laid a hand on you, you would have been swallowed. There would have been– The light was all your own to begin with. It was all yours” Frau could read in his eyes that Teito wanted to argue, that he couldn't believe him, but the glare he shot him effectively silenced him and after a while, he didn't quite know why, he even smiled. God he had been such an idiot, he was even close to feeling sorry for all the trouble he had put Gido through. He had probably been the reason for several headaches of him. “Don't ever say that again. Don't you see, you can go whenever you want, but I have to stay...”

“No.” Grim, Teito sat up to stare at him. “Not when I finally have you back, I'll wait and then we can go back together. I'm not going alone.”

And as much as Frau would have loved it, as easy as it brought a smile to his face, he couldn't believe there was no catch to that. “In all honesty, that's too good to be true...” Teito wanted to object but was silenced when Frau glanced at him. “Don't look at me like that, you're thinking the same.”

“But...”

“I'd love to be wrong,” Frau replied. “Believe me, but... there's no such luxury as our personal Heaven.”

“Well, I won't believe any of it, unless someone proves me wrong!” Teito pouted, folding his arms.

Frau snorted, and pulled Teito into a hug. It would be impossible to change Teito's mind anyway – else he would have to drag his ass back down to earth to make it happen. “I really hope... you are right...” Frau admitted.

* * *

Teito had always had his own methods of getting him out of bed and half the time it was worth it. This time it was not. For all he tried, Frau couldn't help himself but find the refectory depressing with that few people present.

“It's weird to see this place so empty...” Teito stated and Frau nodded. Anyhow Teito didn't seem as affected by it, as Frau noticed how it seemed to immediately lift his mood to see Fea. And while Teito ran over to his uncle Frau trudged behind.

He noticed Gido and Tamika chatting a few tables away, something about their picture still made his stomach drop.

Oh God... was all Frau could think when Fea obviously beamed at him. He would never get used to it. But Fea was merciless and his joy about their relationship unyielding. Frau wished he would tone it down a notch, just for once, but of course Fea wasn't.. And while Teito was happily chatting with Fea, prying holes into him, Frau poked at his food, eyes fixed on Gido.

What in Heaven had Gido been thinking... Ayanami of all people.

Someone stuffed something into his mouth and Frau found himself glaring at Teito. It was a smile that greeted him though.

“You should eat properly now that the scythe is gone,” Teito said.

To that Frau only rolled his eyes as he chewed and swallowed. “I'm not hungry. That's all.”

“That will come with time,” Fea interrupted when Teito wanted to protest and for the first time Frau was actually glad for his presence. “Some things are ingrained too deep to disappear over night. Eat as much as you like whenever you feel like it.”

“See brat, it's not like I'm dying or anything,” Frau grinned, snagging a strange star-shaped fruit from his plate. It was sweet like sugar, almost too sweet. He pulled a face. “Ugh...”

“What?” Teito smirked. To Frau's surprise, he had easily grown accustomed to Heaven’s dress-code, although the clothes were all a little too big for him, so Teito had started stealing Frau's shirts. He didn't mind, quite the contrary, he thought that it was rather cute.

“Too sweet. Now I really don't want anything else...” It had been enough to make him feel slightly sick.

Teito huffed. “You did that on purpose,” he muttered.

“Right,” Frau strained the vocal in that. “You know I can't stand sweet things. Makes me feel nauseas, goddamn...” He muttered, the rest of his argument became incomprehensible gibberish when he dropped his head onto the table. At least he didn't have to see Fea's everlasting smile resting upon them. Fortunately Fea and Teito had a lot else to catch up on, which allowed Frau to fall into silence for a while as he tried to calm his revolting stomach. It had been Teito's idea anyway, he had been the one to drag him out of bed, saying it would be fun getting to know everything and everyone. Frau would have preferred to stay in bed and ignore the world a little longer. Especially when it was just a fuck-ton of gardens and more gardens and nothing else and weird baths and fountains and this weird church.

It was Teito's voice after all that caught his attention. “That one,” Teito said, pointing over at Gido. “He brought me here, and Ayanami too!” When Fea furrowed his brows Teito only nodded. “Do you know him?” That question was for both of them, he realised, when Teito's eyes skipped between the both of them.

“Yeah that's Gido, he was Zehel before me, why do you even know that?”

“I met him on my journey with father,” Teito replied, nodding at Fea. “And you?”

“He was my mentor,” Frau said, trying to sound as nonchalant as he could, but he had to smirk when Teito gaped. “He raised me, and I was part of his crew.”

There was no immediate answer, and for a while all Teito did was scrutinise Gido, who still sat by Tamika's side. “It certainly explains a thing or two...” And as much as Frau would have liked to argue with that, he couldn't. His behaviour had been shaped after Gido's, as Frau had wanted to be just like him just four years back. And frankly, that still hadn't changed much. If there was anyone Frau looked up to, then it was Gido. It had always been him. Always Gido. “Then,” Teito's gaze focused on Frau. “Was he the one who taught you the requiem?”

As there was nothing to say Frau only nodded. He might have even commented on that if Fea had not interrupted them.

“Earlier, you said that Gido brought you and Ayanami here. Is that correct?”

“Y-yes... why?”

A kind smile rested on Fea's lips, but his eyes spoke of something Frau couldn't quite figure out. “I gather that only the two of you know of this so far, so I need to ask a favour of you. Keep it to yourself. There was no unanimous decision and some might not react well to that information. You would do Gido a favour too.”

“I just don't understand why him. I can hardly imagine he volunteered,” Frau replied, raising his brows, while Teito didn't quite seem to grasp why the whole thing was a problem at all. Although Frau could only guess himself, he would say he had a pretty good idea.

Fea sighed. “That I cannot say, but I don't think it's likely either, given... Nevermind,” he cleared his throat, drinking from his cup and shifting in his seat. “What I can say though, is that Gido is excellent at bringing in strays that are somewhat conscious of where they are and what happened to them. No idea why, but he has some good hunches,” Fea smiled. “Maybe that is why they asked him to do it.”

“They?”, Frau and Teito echoed in unison.

“The eldest, our self-proclaimed council. They won't or can't leave for reasons they never tell, but they have been here the longest and we heed their advice, especially in matters like this.”

So that was what the bunch of weirdoes he had named the first generation was called. He raised a brow...how curious. Why would somebody even consider staying in a place as fucked up as this one? Whatever their reasons were, they were beyond his comprehension. “I see,” was all he said in the end. It kind of made sense actually, seeking advice from the oldest and wisest. Those who had most experience in making mistakes.

After that, Teito finished his plate and was finally able to part with his uncle. Frau didn't like to admit it, but he was glad it was over. Those hundred-volt beams that Fea called smiles where just too much to be on the receiving end of.

“Heh. Never thought I'd see you embarrassed.”

“I'm not,” Frau protested. Though that was not entirely true, it was just... It was bothering him. “It's just.... why does he have to smile like a thousand suns,” Frau pressed a hand to his forehead. “I could do without that, it's creepy...”  
Teito only chuckled in response. “So where do you wanna go?”

“I don't know, what is there to see?”

“Well let's see – gardens, gardens, gardens, some freaky hot springs and fountains, gardens, gardens, the lake and who would have thought, more freakin' gardens...gee we really haven't enough of those!” Frau had started counting on his fingers, while his gaze lingered on Teito. Although grim with frustration at first, he soon smiled when Teito laughed.

With a smile Teito said, “show me whatever there is.” And tugged at Frau's sleeve. “Please...”

Frau only glared, but he did as asked. Considering how fucked up this place was he could hardly let Teito walk about on his own. “Alright, then let's go meet our neighbours,” Frau smirked and found Teito, to his delight, eyeing him with suspicion.

“We have neighbours?” he asked, half curious, half sceptical.

Frau hummed an answer and led him along towards the church gates. Once they were outside though, Teito froze and Frau couldn't help but to stop and stare himself. It was a sight for itself. “Teito – Strays, Strays – my boyfriend,” of course the strays were indifferent as always, trudging by with slow steps, staring right through them, even through the building. He had also noticed how Teito had blushed upon his words and Frau couldn't help another smirk and ruffled his hair.

“They don't react to the church...” Teito noticed surprised. “But it's right in their way. Why aren't they approaching us?” Confused he looked around, watching the strays part ways around the church.

“Hm, well Gido said it's under some sort of cloaking spell. So only those who know it's there can see it.” Thankfully the explanation seemed to suffice, because he really had nothing else. “So, where do you wanna go next?”

“You said there were hot springs?”

“Hm... yeah... in a way...” Frau admitted and Teito's look reminded him way too much of himself when Gido had told him about it. It was almost enough to make an awkward laugh slip from his throat. “Come,” he said.

They walked for a while in silence. Teito didn't seem to be bothered as much by the gardens it seemed. To his surprise he was smiling, staring around in wonder.

“The petals,” he said, when he noticed Frau's stare. “Do they fall all day?”

“Yeah... they get everywhere...” Gido had been more than right, Frau thought, grumbling as he shook some out of his hair and brushed some more from his coat. Strangely enough, Teito kept smiling. “What?” Frau just had to ask.

“They remind me of snow. It would fall for days sometimes when I was small...” He cupped his hands, caught some and turned them over in his fingers.

Frau only sighed. “Don't the gardens bother you? I mean, there's literally nothing else here...”

At first there was no answer, Teito only turned his head away. When he finally muttered an answer though, Frau could only grin. “Don't remind me, I'm trying to actually enjoy this! Besides, they're pretty!” He pressed the words out between his teeth, trying hard not to be upset it seemed. All Frau did was snicker in response.

When they reached their destination Teito remained awfully quiet, even when Frau eyed him and bent down to look straight at him.

Slowly, Teito finally looked up, staring at him like he had done something very bad here. “What even is this place?” he demanded. “Why the hell is it shaped like a cross, why is there a goddamn reception desk when nobody needs one? What's about all these flasks and jars and that thing is no fountain or shower head or whatever you wanna call it, that's fucking art.” He was pointing at the dragon fountain that Frau still had little trust in.

“It's not art, it's weird,” he objected, “ask Gido, he knows every damn thing about this place. I've only been here for some months.” He thought about the dozens of jars and bottles, but only ended up hiding his face in his palm and trying to reassure Teito that he was truly okay.

It had been the wrong idea to wonder if he would actually find anything on these shelves considering the last time he had done that. “I'm fine, I'm fine... let's go somewhere else.”

“But I wanna take a bath!”

“You've got to be kidd–“, but before Frau could finish his sentence Teito was already undressed and halfway into the water. Frau felt ignored, frustrated, and finally he decided to give in. There was little he had to object, no actually he had nothing at all to oppose. There was never a wrong time for a hot bath. Never. Although, Frau realised when he stripped and followed Teito into the pond he had picked, maybe Gido had take him here one time too often.

The fountain in this one had the shape of a bear's head, like the one he had killed in the mountains, and for a while Frau watched it with suspicion. Only when Teito splashed water at him did he turn around to dunk the damn brat under water. Teito laughed in answer and spit whatever water had been filling his mouth at him, which caused Frau to dunk him in once more. A smirked lined his face when he felt Teito's shoulders as the other was trying to wrestle him down. Their fight left them both drenched and warm and laughing

“I'm no brat,” Teito huffed and crawled onto his lap when Frau sat down beside him. His arms slid around the slender, warm body, as he watched the surface slowly calm. His thumb drawing circles on Teito's shoulder blade, when said one nestled close.

Slowly sinking nose-deep into the water, only to be greeted by Teito's smile and Frau returned it beneath the surface. “What?” he muttered, lifting his head just enough so he could talk.

“You still really enjoy baths, don't you, hm?” Teito said. It sounded less like a question, more like a statement, and since there was not much to say Frau only hummed a sound of agreement. Becoming a Ghost had deprived him of all of his body heat and this had been the closest he had ever come to it for the longest time in his life. The only response he got though was a smile, and Teito made himself comfortable on his lap.

This was entirely different.

It was not that he hadn't known this already, but he somehow felt the need to state that for himself. Gido would... Gido... His skin was crawling at the thought of his touch and suddenly Frau wished the water would be scalding hot. Then it would be easier not to jump up and scrub it off his skin.

This was not the time and place. This shouldn't even happen. Frau barely noticed when Teito scrambled for something behind him. “What's in all these bottles and jars?”, Frau heard him ask. At the very same time he head a bottle plop and then several others and without second thoughts Teito was suddenly pouring strange liquids into the fountains water. Frau eyed the colours which mixed beneath the water's surface with suspicion.

“Don't know. Ask Gido, he knows them by heart!” Frau explained and was suddenly very glad when Teito did not ask for a reason why Frau knew that Gido knew. That would have ended awkward. God damn... he thought, this was just the wrong place. He didn't want to think of Gido right now, but that wasn't as easy as he had hoped, but it helped when Teito let the flasks and jars be flasks and jars and kissed him, and Frau smiled. For once he didn't mind how demanding Teito was in these matters.

**

Except for the baths, some fountains they had passed, and the lake there was little to see outside the church, and though Frau had mentioned it earlier he would not take him there. Not today anyway, not when he still remembered how deep it had cut the first time, not when he knew exactly how much it would hurt Teito to see them right now. But of course Teito wouldn't be himself if he allowed Frau to let matters slide. Frau sighed at his question.

“You said something about a lake earlier, aren't we going to visit that one first?” Teito tugged at his coat.

“It's just a lake, I believe you've seen one before. No need to go, is there?” Frau responded, lighting a cigarette and hoping the matter was done with this.

“Well, if it's just a lake we can go there, right?” Frau didn't respond to that. “You're not telling me everything, are you?”

Frau sighed. “Not today...” he said in answer to Teito's first question and tried a thin smile when he ruffled his hair. “We'll go there some other time,” he added, the promise in his tone, and that seemed to be enough. Although he saw Teito pouting on their way back.

“I thought you were exaggerating...” Teito admitted, once they reached the gate. “But there really is nothing else but gardens here...”, his voice unusually thin. There seemed to be a question lingering on his tongue, but Teito didn't ask it.

Inside the church there was the library where use, function, and purpose were easily explained. Then there was the Cuvere, even at the same place where it used to be and Frau was glad for it, because he hadn't even visited this place himself. Teito seemed genuinely interested.

“Well, that's it”, Frau shrugged as they ascended the stairs. “Nothing else interesting in this place if you don't count the inhabitants.” And there were depressingly few to begin with, if you were used to ten times as many filling these halls.

“Anywhere else you want to go?”

“Not really...” Teito said, smiling. “I'm happy for any time I get to spend with you.” Somehow Teito's fingers had found their way around his own. Frau smiled.

And that he got. From now on they could have an eternity together, or at least a taste of it, as Frau would certainly be stuck here for at least a couple decades. After all Gido had said it himself, Frau would be able to go down again in no time compared to... whatever the others had to face. Yet he had to admit the thought of Teito sharing that burden with him wasn't as comforting as it had first seemed.

When Teito had wanted to spend some time with Fea, of course Frau had not objected and took the time to, after all, continue reading.

It took him some time to figure out where he had left off.

The entire property on which the great church near the outskirts of Raggs had been built was owned by the Verius family. It was a fact that had been swept under the carpet at some point in history and after that it had been easy to forget, although the knowledge was still passed on to each heir of the house.

Frau blinked, and had to read the paragraphs stating the how and when about these facts twice before he could feel it slowly sinking in. But then, it explained the reason for their strange concept and why they would consider giving the pope the title as the head of their house even when he was a complete stranger. Interesting.

What followed where dozens of chapters about every first (the pope) and second (the one doing the actual work) head of the house of Verius. Frau tried reading the first few, but soon grew bored, merely skimming the pages and he soon skipped to the latest chapter. He had even skipped the recent pope, even though that might have been interesting, Frau found little sympathy in himself for the man to actually busy himself with his life.

'Nante Verius' the title read, but it was not the name but rather his birth date that made Frau furrow his brows. With none of them being an actual part of this house... why was the present head of the house listed here. Frau ran his thumb over the sign on the back. It read 'Zehel', but Gido didn't know anything, which left only Asyl to ask. His eyes skimmed the text. Military training, five children... four daughters, one son...

Frau had to stop and rub his eye, it was hardly hurting, and it certainly did feel more like reflex in the end. His head was spinning as something he had tried not thinking about surfaced and he allowed the words to form for the first time.

Gido had lied to him. He had lied, when he had said he didn't know who had brought Ayanami in. So why was there any reason he shouldn't lie about this too?

Maybe there was an easy explanation after all, Frau thought, hoped. Back then he would have let the hurt over this form into anger, he would have yelled at Gido, called him out on it. Right now it made him feel almost nauseas and he had to close his eyes for a moment.

Back then there hadn't been all that pain to deal with.

A warm hand touched his shoulder and for a moment Frau didn't even think about it, he just leaned against Teito and closed his eyes. It was still strange when Teito ran a hand through his hair, the strangest that he couldn't stop thinking about Gido. Frau had hoped it would go away with time, but even after two weeks it was still there. That nagging thought that it was Gido's thing and all he wanted was for that to go away just now.

With a grumpy sound Frau ducked his head away and dropped it onto his arms onto the desk. From somewhere he heard Teito lightly teasing him about the book on his lap, but he didn't really care and it wasn't actually amusing either. What was nice though, was when Teito replaced the book and curled up on his lap. His arms wound around Frau's neck and his fingers were caressing his back, while his lips were way too distracting to pay attention to anything else, and for now that was all he needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frau would you please decide whether or not you're angry at him bc this was kinda ridiculously hard to write. Thank you.


	10. Chapter Nine: The Remnants

**Gido**

Gido watched the blue smoke creep up and catch a gust, and then it was gone. Sometimes he wished it would be that easy for him too, to just disappear into nowhere and never deal with anything or anyone again. Unfortunately, he actually liked being around people too much. Though, he had had to make a few exceptions and that brat glaring at him from a few inches down was definitely one of them. The moment Tiashe had seen him he had stomped over and there he was now, accusing him of making Frau worry.

Well, to be fair, that was probably true. Gido had been avoiding him since the incident involving Ayanami. He doubted Frau had told anyone that Ayanami had crawled out of his prison, but Gido couldn't be sure. Everyone had been awfully quiet about Ayanami lately, and part of him wondered if that was because of himself. They had never seemed so painfully considerate towards him. It was hard to tell, but he suspected those who knew about their shared past had initiated this silence. “So what, that brat can come to me himself,” Gido replied with a shrug, his cigarette stuck in the corner of his mouth.

He was far from indifferent, but the thought of talking about it alone was enough to turn his stomach.

“How's he going to do that if you're avoiding him!? You used to be his mentor, don't you care–“

“Quit it, brat” Gido ground his teeth the same way his heel ground the cigarette beneath it. Although calm, his voice posed a threat. “We're not discussing that.” And with that, Gido turned around and walked away. The last thing he needed now was somebody lecturing him.

Tiashe followed him, yelling at him some more, but Gido expertly ignored him.

So Frau was worried? Gido sighed, lowering his gaze to the ground. Maybe he really should go and talk to him. Frau would always let his worries eat him up. And they didn't have to talk about Ayanami. No more than necessary, at least. Then maybe he could forget for another while.

Gido hadn't been paying attention to where he was going, but when he noticed, his stomach dropped and he stopped dead in his tracks, coming face-to-face to Vertrag's tower. No. He swallowed on something that was stuck in his throat. His feet wanted to abandon this place as quickly as they could, but they barely managed to carry him in wary steps into the shadows.

Maybe facing Frau was the lesser evil after all, but just how was he going to explain to him what had possibly come over him? He couldn't tell the truth, that much was clear, but telling him any more lies was just as terrible. Frau would catch on sooner or later and that would only cause more problems than he was already trying to solve.

Realising he hadn't paid the Relikt's a visit since the surprising arrival of Ayanami, Gido decided to head for the echo-room.

The echo-room by itself was no more than an old chapel which some former generations had stripped of all furniture, having engraved some spells neither of them were familiar with so as to emphasise and aid in channelling Relikt's powers. Not that any of them had their full powers anymore, but in the same way that the gardens listened to Profe's whispers still, the same way time was still sensitive to Relikt's touch. And whatever magic the chapel had been enchanted with, it now seemed to work like an access point for the former Ghosts to revive their powers in its walls.

Not to disturb the two Ghosts who he assumed were at work, Gido teleported to the front doors of the chapel. It was, naturally, closed.

Gido didn't even have to knock, though, for Vasja to come storming out and fling himself around Gido's neck. Laughing, Gido lifted the child from his feet. His fuzzy blond curls stuck out in all direction when he snuggled into Gido's embrace. A smile Gido didn't know he was capable of appeared on his lips. “Glad to see you too, brat.”

Vasja rubbed his cheek on Gido's like a big human cat, but pouted when he replied. “It's been so long since your last visit.” Nobody knew his exact age, but he seemed to be about eleven or twelve. His gown was similar to a child-sized version of a bishop's robe and, like usual, he was barefoot.

“I'm sorry, I had a lot to do.” But Vasja kept pouting. Obviously his excuse wasn't good enough. Gido's expression softened when he added, “had to take care of another brat.”

It was only moments after that Pantaleon emerged from the echo-room, his manner more solemn than his predecessors. Still, a smile adorned his face when he greeted Gido. Unlike the other reincarnations, Pan was surprisingly sober most of the time and wore the plain clothing heaven offered. “What brings us the pleasure of your company?” He attempted to lift Vasja from Gido's arm, who only shook his head and ran a hand down the child’s back. In some ways Vasja had helped him in dealing with Frau's and Maya's absence and even now, merely holding him, was soothing those old wounds.

“How's it going with figuring out Ayanami's sudden appearance in heaven?”

“Well...” Pantaleon paused, furrowed his brows and motioned Gido to follow him inside. “We first thought somebody had wiped the records of the time of his arrival,” Pantaleon explained. “We thought we couldn’t access what was happening, but we were wrong...”

“The pictures went all white when I wanted to look. It was hurting my eyes,” Vasja whined, pouting once more. “I don't like it.” Gido caught himself muttering something soothing as he kept stroking Vasja's back and once more Vasja nuzzled into his shoulder. His eyes were fixed on Pantaleon though.

“But that's not the case,” Pantaleon continued, shaking his head as he spoke. “It took some time to figure out... It's not that we can't access it, rather that the light is part of the happenings–“

“Yes!” Vasja chimed in, suddenly quite excited. “I've never seen something like that. It's like a huge blob of bright light and I can't even see my own hand. Next thing we know, there's the prince and Verloren!”

Involuntarily, Gido tensed at the mention of that name. “I see,” Gido said, smiling at Vasja and patting his head. “But I don't understand, what happened then if nobody wiped the data?” he continued as his attention shifted towards Pantaleon.

“Simply put it's likely to say that the kid's light was shielding Verloren so he wasn't detected until after their arrival, so the memory wasn't wiped at all. Rather we're seeing Tiashe's light.”

“That certainly explains a thing or two...” Gido said, shifting Vasja's weight on his arms. “Can we expect that The Chief noticed his arrival as well?”

“It's likely, but we aren't sure. The Chief of Heaven does have his blind spots,” Pantaleon tilted his head in thought. “But as we know the cause now, we should talk to him either way. There might be a way to lift the curse from the other end of the line.”

Gido nodded in approval, one hand absent-mindedly patting the child's head. “We can't execute him though, not without our powers.”

“We can ask the others when they come to Seele!”

“But Vasja,” Pantaleon interrupted, “that's just a theory. Nobody ever managed to establish a connection in practice. Besides, it's strange how The Chief didn't seem to notice anything. We tried to find a trace of him as well, but haven't had any luck so far. Not even any kind of heavenly subordinate. We tried to trace how far the waves of Tiashe's light reached but we couldn't find any other presence who might have noticed it.”

Vasja mumbled something from which Gido only understood strange. Yes, strange indeed. “I doubt that The Chief is unaware of these happenings...” Gido slowly replied and shook his head. “But I wonder why we weren't contacted. It could be a test for all we know.”

“A test?” Vasja echoed, cocking his head in question.

“Yeah,” Gido smiled a little when he turned his head. “Given what Pan just said, we can presume that he's testing us. We might not be Ghosts anymore, but it once was our job, for however little time...” His smile tilted a little when he stroked Vasja's head. “And we know that the creation of Verloren was a failure,” Gido caught himself swallowing on that as his thoughts wandered off to Ayanami sitting in his room next to the gloomy tower. “That– it's likely to say... we're being tested, our reaction that is.” And I'm to blame, Gido thought and closed his eyes as that single thought seemed to make breathing incredibly hard.

“Don't blame yourself,” Vasja muttered very quietly and rubbed his nose into Gido's cheek, who was unable to react to that. “It's okay. Speak on,” he smiled and patted Gido's head, which sunk onto the little boy's shoulder for a while. He squeezed his eyes shut in order to effectively suppress the upcoming emotions and memories. But hugging Vasja was actually calming.

Pantaleon's words came from far away and it took Gido a moment to piece them back together and understand them. Then he nodded, “that's about what I think. He wants to see if we act according to what we learned from being a Ghost. I'm not sure if he will be pleased with finding out we didn't run to him immediately.”

“Why should that be?” Pantaleon asked in such an oblivious tone that Gido was not far from groaning in agony. Some Ghost's had sucked up God's story like a sponge without question or suspicion, but Gido found it hard to trust a God who had cursed his creation for their predecessor's failure. That was not precaution; it was distrust and disbelief in their success.

“Well, because we're stuck here in heaven simply for acting as his subordinates, for one reason. That man is hardly our best buddy.” Pantaleon didn't answer but Gido saw him frowning, probably knowing that any more words on this subject would make him explode. Grimly, Gido set Vasja back onto his feet, one hand still on the kid's head, absent-mindedly running it through his tousled curls.

It was Vasja who broke the grim silence. “I would like to meet God,” he said and smiled up at Gido. “I would like to ask him many questions, wouldn't you?”

“...” Gido's lips parted without a sound and when his gaze dropped, a smile that was neither sad nor happy followed. “A few things – yes.” He admitted and Vasja beamed. “Now if you'll excuse me, I have something else to do,” he said, glancing at Pan, and shifting his gaze back to the boy, he added, “I'll come back soon – promise.”

“Okay,” Vasja agreed, smiling, and leaned against the hand stroking his face. “Bye Gido,” he said, waving when Gido bid him goodbye and headed for the door.

Gido felt like fleeing from the chapel, but he managed to maintain his composure until he was out the door. With a sigh, Gido buried his face in his hands, collapsing for a moment and crouching on the floor as he let everything around him slide by in a blur.

Maybe he really should go talk to Frau. He really wanted to – needed to. It was hard to explain, but it was without question that he couldn't right now. He also couldn't go to see Ayanami and he wasn't particularly hungry either. In fact, there was little else he wanted to do except lie down and not move for several days.

And there was in fact a place to do that as well.

The room in question had been designed for him after his arrival. It had been the only place indoors he had been able to sleep and only because of the skylines and windows – all of them open – painted onto the walls. It had been a gift from the other Ghosts, and even when he was able to sleep in his own bed by now, Gido was glad to have it. Somehow over the process of getting comfortable in these walls it had become his favourite spot to relax.

Gido teleported himself onto the couch with ease. With a quiet sigh he rolled over onto his face and made himself comfortable before dozing off. Whether or not Frau would find him here wasn't the matter, Gido just wanted the quiet and peace this room had to offer him. And he got to enjoy that for quite some time, as at least several hours passed till he was found, of that much he was sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What happened there when I named Pantaleon? I don't fucking know honest to God. It just happened. I'm not changing it. Also Gido really is only good at two things and one is lying and two is not dealing with his life. I can see why Ayanami is getting headaches just being around him.


	11. Chapter Ten: Interlude

A bright smile decorated Teito's lips when Frau found him talking to Parlan, formerly Ea, and Cassius, Profe before Gala. “I'm glad you finally got to talk to him,” he said with a smile and Frau cocked an eyebrow. So he explained, “I ran into Gido this morning and yelled at him for avoiding you.” A sheepish grin accompanied his words.

Sighing, Frau gave in and ruffled Teito's hair. Whatever would he do without him... Though he doubted it had been Teito's doing alone that Gido had now managed to spill a few words for him. With a quiet hum on his lips his hand ran through Teito's brown strands once more before he put his arm around him, his fingers absent-mindedly brushing Teito's chest.

Parlan had kind but narrow eyes and dark, short hair, and Frau sometimes wondered if he looked anything like Ea now. His wardrobe was surprisingly close to that of a bishop, and Frau wondered if he had ever been one. Nobody had shown him the current reincarnations, so he couldn't compare them. A smile that spoke of fondness which Frau couldn't explain lay on Parlan's lips. “Teito was worried for three of his size,” Parlan smiled. “Say Frau, I have a few books on your family's history that you might find interesting. It's been kind of my hobby ever since I came here... Since Gido isn't the most talkative on this topic, maybe I can give you some answers. I'd very much like to have some company in the library every now and then.”

Frau merely glanced at Teito in question. “Sure,” he said, guessing Teito must have talked about it. Cassius meanwhile went on to complain about how Parlan was definitely not alone with he himself being there ever so often, which caused Frau to laugh quietly. Cassius was just as stubborn as Labrador at times, he noted with a smile.

“Well... that aside,” Cassius added, “It would be nice if you could join us. We get visitors so very seldom.” Cassius shared the same lilac eyes as Gala and Labrador, but his hair seemed almost white, neither blond nor lilac. Although any further comparison to Ayanami would do his kind demeanour a great wrong.

Frau only smiled at that, while Teito immediately went on to convince Cassius that it wouldn't matter and that his tea would be just as good as Labrador's.

“Seems like Profe's profession comes with herbal lore all-inclusive,” Frau smirked after both Cassius and Parlan had excused themselves and where probably off to argue over myths and legends or whatever they did in their free time.

“Yes, and Zehel's comes with being a secretive bastard,” Teito huffed jokingly, and although Frau laughed he knew that Teito had no idea how hard he had hit the bull's eye with that. “I have to find out everything by myself...” Frau raised an eyebrow. “What, if you're not gonna talk to me, I have to read up on that stuff as well... why do you think I was talking to him?”

Oh. It dawned on him. “How much exactly did you read?” Frau asked and didn't mean to sound as taken aback as he felt.

“Not much... it's tedious and I was upset,” Teito took a breath. “Still am,” he added grimly.

But somehow Frau couldn't find it in himself to be angry with him, much less yell at him. He only closed his eyes and pressed a kiss to his hair, muttering “how the fuck do you expect me to tell you anything when I don't know anything myself...”

“Well,” Teito shifted his head to look at him. “Are your parents in that book?”

“No,” as simple as that answer was, as heavy it settled in his guts. “They're not.”

“Is that bad?”

“No...” That wasn't quite it, Frau realised. Only that if they were he could read up on them, swallow copious amounts of information about those two people he had barely known.

“Can you tell me about them?” Teito inquired.

For a moment Frau hesitated, “not much”, he said then.

“Oh,” Teito blinked as if he had never considered that thought before, yet it seemed so obvious now that Frau had answered him. Still the worst was how understanding it sounded. “Can you tell me about Gido then?”

“Actually... yes...” A lopsided smile formed on his lips. Normally he would have backed out of that question, but this wasn't normal and Gido wasn't gone anymore. He was in that room with the painted walls, maybe, hopefully, dozing and just when Teito had asked, Frau had vowed to himself not to do the same. He wouldn't keep Teito an arm's length away, even if that meant it would hurt. Plus, the way Teito's face lit up upon hearing Frau's words was definitely worth it.

Frau wouldn't have thought that actually talking about it would be so hard.

Not to Bastien, not even to Castor or to Labrador had he talked about it. Ever since he had come to his senses again and Bastien had brought him back to that damned church, Frau had not spoken a word about what had happened. And he didn't even now, but Frau realised that that hardly mattered, especially when he had buried all there was beneath the few things he remembered about the crash site.

Talking about life on the Aegis was kind of okay, as it was easier to distance himself here by not talking about the things he had been closely involved in. Talking about her crew was bearable to a certain extent, but talking about Gido made the figurative noose around his throat tighten.

At first Frau had no idea what to say to those kind of questions, but it became easier when he realised that Gido was not beyond reach in this world. It became easier because it meant however scary this would get, he could run to Gido at the end of the day and have Gido's presence alone soothe away the pain.

On the other hand, Frau found it surprisingly easy to talk about his life on Eden, with and without his parents. Maybe, he thought, that was because by now he accepted their death. It had been harder back then, it had hurt more back then, but by now he was okay with it.

It took him a while to realise that if it had not been Teito asking him to open up some more, he probably wouldn't have. There was no reason to tell this to anybody else here, except maybe Fea, who had missed a huge part of his life, but something told him that Gido had briefed Fea on that anyway. It hardly mattered though. Frau was getting used to the thought, too.

What surprised him most though was the way Teito's eyes lit up during his answers. Frau wasn't sure what he had expected, but he knew that it had not been smiles, sympathy, and even laughter at times.

How could he, when all he connected to those memories was pain?

Teito smiled. “I wouldn't have expected you to be this talkative.”

Snorting Frau shook his head. “No reason to keep it from you, is there?”

Tilting his head in thought for a moment Teito shook his head all the same at last. Then he smiled, big and bright like Frau remembered so well.


	12. Chapter Eleven: Puzzle Pieces

Gido had been avoiding him.

Frustrated, Frau kicked a banister, nowhere near satisfied with the lack of resistance it provided.

Thankfully, Teito wasn't here to scold him for trying to damage the church. Or Castor for all that it mattered, both would have hit him and... There was a sting of pain and Frau found himself laughing over the fact how much he missed bickering and fighting with him after all. Castor had been a good friend, always. For all that they had fought, they had stuck together just the same.

He was happy, that was not quite the issue, but just because Teito had died didn't mean he wanted to cut Gido out of his life. The first few days it had been quite nice to have Teito all to himself, but after a while Gido's absence had started to lower his mood. After all, Frau wanted him around. He wanted him to run a hand through his hair and tease him and have everything back to how it had always been. Because that was how it should be after all, now that it was out of question for them to continue the relationship they had shared since his arrival.

Besides, there was the fact that Gido had lied to him, which not only confused him, but it pissed him off. Especially when he took the second possible event where that had happened into account. Gido was doing it again. Treating him like a kid, like he was unable to comprehend or understand the situation, or both. Hadn't he proven himself enough by now?

Teito got along surprisingly well with the other Ghost's, taking a special interest in those who had lived in Raggs and who spoke the lost language. Some days he returned to Frau happily chatting about all the things he had learned about the fallen kingdom, and as often, Frau could only smile and listen, happy to watch the bright smile on his face alone. It was nice to see him open up that much, even when it was only when it came to that specific topic.

Right now he was probably out with Fea again. It was his second favourite way to spend his time here, Raggs being the third, and personally Frau liked to consider himself as the first.

He was thankful though that Teito was not around right now. Otherwise he would have surely insisted on tagging along, and Frau wasn't actually fond of that thought. The way that Gido was avoiding him made him seem extremely guilty of his lie and Frau wasn't sure what exactly to make of that. After all... what reason would Gido have to become involved in this matter? Even if he was good at sniffing out a sane soul now and then, that didn't exactly qualify him to take care of Ayanami.

Frau wondered who else they had taken into consideration, but failed to come up with any name after realising that he didn't exactly know them all that well. Maybe except for Tamika, but she didn't exactly seem the type one would burden with that task.

Shoving any thoughts regarding that subject aside, Frau tried to concentrate on his current self set task: finding Gido. He was not in his room and not with any of the other Ghost's present, he had checked on that just now. So where had he gone... Maybe the catacombs, although Frau was not sure why he would hide there anyway. It was dark and not exactly the driest spot around the church, yet... their coffins had been stored there, or at least until Frau had asked for his to be placed in his room. Something about the snug, closed space had been comforting. It had made him feel less aware of how alone he had been when he went to sleep.

Usually, well often enough, he had spent his nights snuggled into Gido's chest. The silence inside had been rather soothing than scaring. The cold of his body too familiar after some time, and Gido had been awake. He had always been awake and watching over him, when they huddled together in his bed, which had been way too small for Gido. So he had curled up around him, more or less. It had made sleeping much easier on some nights.

Often Frau would wake up to find Gido dozing and hugging the pillow in his stead, when he removed himself from his arms. They had never talked about it. It had been a silent agreement both abided on bad nights, though in retrospect it might very well be Frau who had initiated it. Complaining that Gido never slept, or at least not when he should, and more importantly not enough. As their captain, he had been a terrible example in the field.

Sometimes when Frau had returned to his room after some hours, he had found him sitting in bed, Gido's face pale as ash and his hands often clutching the sheets. Gido's eyes had been unfocused, wide open, and when there had been no momentary flicker of terror, they had seemed so empty that Frau felt fearful. Sometimes Frau wondered if he had dreamed those moments, because the moment he opened his mouth and made Gido aware of his presence, it was gone; like it had slipped behind a mask. Anyhow, if he didn't know any better he would say his captain had had nightmares, for reasons unknown to him. Frau had never dared to ask, he didn't even know why. Usually it came naturally to scold Gido for his behaviour when he was falling out of line, but something about the look on his face, something about the smile that he had used to show him only seconds after, had silenced him.

Why the hell was he thinking about that right now anyway? Frau gave a frustrated sound and fished a cigarette from his pocket, though he was less interested in smoking than busying his hands.

He was fumbling with his lighter. The only he had ever owned, which had even Castor's approval after he had been forced to consider Frau's reasons. Besides... he had enjoyed working on it, though it had been painstaking. A smile crept across his face when the flame lit up, his cigarette soon after, and it was only then that he noticed Asyl. Frau called out her name. “Wait!” He said, but didn't have to as he realised she had already turned to face him.

A moment later she was standing right in front of him, so suddenly that he almost dropped his cigarette. Instead he forced himself to tighten his grip and take a step backwards.

Teleporting was all fun and games until people started using that to cross close distances and you had them staring at your face within a matter of seconds. It was creepy, to say the least.

“What is it?” she asked and smiled at him. Her chestnut hair was tied into a ponytail, a few loose strands framing her face.

“Well... have you seen Gido? I haven't seen him in days actually...” And that was quite an understatement, because the last time he had seen him, Gido had been way too far and quickly walking away to actually talk to him.

To his surprise Asyl fell instantly quiet and dropped her gaze, absent-mindedly staring at something on his chest it seemed.

“Asyl? Is something wrong?”

At that she quickly glanced up and smiled, twirling a stand of brown hair between her fingers. “No... no everything's all right. Just...” Her gaze softened. “Don't be too hard on him...”

“What...” Frau drew his brows together, “the hell is that supposed to mean? Is he all right? Bloody tell me.”

“I already told you, no need to worry,” she put her arms akimbo, boring a finger into his chest soon after though. It felt awfully familiar to Magdalen, scolding him. “I don't know where he is, but he's certainly not avoiding you,” she quickly added and tried a sympathising smile, her features softening once more. It was one of the worst excuses Frau had ever heard.

“You don't actually believe that yourself, do you?” he groaned, kneading the bridge of his nose.

“Uhm...” Asyl seemed obviously caught. “B-but I mean, there's really nothing to–“ Frau didn't exactly answer, he simply glared at her until she fell silent and bowed her head. “I'm not entitled to answer...” the words came out slow and quiet and she looked away when she spoke. “But I really haven't seen him... kinda makes me worry myself,” she finally admitted. Only that she didn't tell him what exactly she was worried about and Frau had a distinct feeling that he wouldn't get an answer from her anyway.

For a while Frau eyed her, wondering what exactly made her think she was not entitled to answer. It made her sound like there was something secret going on and he hadn't been invited to the party. “Why exactly not...” she gave him a questioning look and Frau took a deep breath, filling his lungs deep with smoke. After he exhaled, he let his eyes wander back to Asyl and he completed his question. “Why exactly are you not entitled to answer?”

Now it was Asyl's turn to take a deep breath as she sighed. “Come....” she said and led Frau to the enormous fountain from where you could watch the church gates, as well as nearly everything else on this side of the yard. There wasn't much blocking your view either way. Often Frau had found the church's stray cats in this area. He had fed them and after some time they had started following him around and sitting or sleeping on his shoulders and lap. Now of course there were none present.

Not even Razette, but Frau tried not to think too much about that. Even though she had always been scared of him she had been part of the church, Castor's best friend, and somehow even Frau had grown fond of her.

“You miss her... right?” Asyl suddenly said, pointing at the water, and all Frau had for her was a helpless smile, but she waved it off. “I understand, you start to become fond of the strangest things once you lose them...”

“Yeah...” Frau sighed, feeling somewhat like a child again the way she had lead him elsewhere and sat him down. Like this topic needed preparation. Had Gido learned that from her?

For a while neither of them talked, and Frau had taken of his glove – he still wore them out of habit and he had noticed that many Ghost's did – and was drawing shapes onto the water's surface.

“Did you ever get the answer from somebody else around here?” Asyl finally asked, very quietly.

“Once or twice... not that often...” Frau said, watching the ripples on the surface.

“Well... we have an unspoken rule. We can watch the lives of our successors; watch them grow up, but of course that means we'll know more about them than we should. So even if we do know the answer to a lot of questions, if the information is compromising in any way or it's simply something which should left to them to talk about. We use that answer in those cases. It's easier than lying and pretending you know nothing.”

“Now that's the first comforting thing I've heard about you guys in a while,” Frau mused with a smirk.

“Cut us some slack,” Asyl huffed. “What else are we supposed to do? It's death of boredom or watching you!”

Frau watched his reflection on the surface as she spoke. What Asyl said made sense, but it also didn't calm him as Frau wished it would. It only strengthened his suspicion that Gido was hiding something from him. But whatever it was, Frau couldn't imagine it to be that horrible.

“I understand that you're worried, but I can't give you the answers you're looking for.”

“Because it wouldn't be fair...” Frau nodded, defeated, and seemed to sink into himself. “You do know what's going on though... don't you?”

Asyl didn't answer for a while. Again.

Frau was biting his lip and when she opened her mouth, he lifted his gaze to look at Asyl. “To be fair, I think I have a pretty good guess... He didn't exactly tell me though, so I don't know for sure.” Asyl's smile was apologetic. “That's just what we do, you know? That's why we watch, we get to know our successors so we can look after them once they follow us into Heaven. We have to deal with what we become almost our whole life alone, so...” Asyl didn't finish her sentence but Frau understood anyway and simply nodded.

“You should look in the nearby forest. I know he grew up near one, I think he likes hiding there...” Asyl offered at last before she disappeared without a trace, as always.

Eden had no forest. Well, not nearby, and where it was there were no houses or buildings. There was no place to live near a forest. He made a mental note to ask Gido about it some time. When he eventually found him, Frau thought, groaning quietly in frustration. Besides, how could Asyl be so sure, if she only thought he might be there? Maybe he was still in the church and Frau had just overlooked– no you clearly couldn't simply overlook Gido. That was ridiculous.

Frau closed his eyes, wishing for Gido to be at his side and calming him with a few reassuring words. He would know what to say, he would know what to do... he always did.

Finding the forest itself was easy; it practically jumped at Frau once the gates closed behind him.

But where the hell was Gido? The forest was huge, and even when he was crossing rather large distances by teleporting Frau found himself soon tired of searching in vain.

With a frustrated grunt Frau sunk his head into the crook of his arm, which was supporting him against a tree.

_“You do remember what darkness feels like...”_

Frau glanced at the ground far below the branch he stood upon. Yes, he thought, although it had been more of a statement of fact than a question.

_“Then this should be easy for you. Use it as a tool to map this place.”_

Taking a deep breath, Frau closed his eyes once more and tried to concentrate on his surroundings, Gido's voice resounding in his head.

_“It leaves a signature. Just like souls do...”_

And just what would that signature be? Frau sighed to himself. If Gido were here, he would run a hand through his hair and tell him not to worry, or start hinting at what he could do next... With him he wouldn't feel so god damn lonely right now. It felt cold, Frau realised and blinked. Gido being near him was warmth, it was... home. The word appeared with a lump in his throat.

 _Home..._ Yes, that was what it had always been, and now his home was gone once more. Closing his eyes, Frau went to sink back against the tree trunk. How he wished he could be home...

Suddenly, there was no tree.

That was the first thing Frau noticed, and then came the rush of panic before he promptly landed on his butt. Frau grumbled for a moment and contemplated going back to the church, because this was really getting him nowhere but strange places by the minute. And then he heard their voices.

Frau couldn't distinguish them and neither could he tell what they were yelling about. So much for accurate teleporting, not even that he could do right. Why was it that all he could think of was that Gido would find this highly amusing...? Gritting his teeth, Frau decided that there was no use fretting over it and that he should at least try to figure out who the hell was picking a fight so far away from the church. It didn't make much sense in the first place; everybody seemed to be best buddies for all that he knew.

The closer Frau got the more clear the voices became and after a while he noticed that it was not two voices, but only one, and it sounded quite angry and also... familiar. Frau swallowed and shook his head. Was that... Gido?

Quickening his steps, Frau finally reached the clearing, blinking at the suddenly bright sun.. There was Gido, there was Ayanami, and that was enough to be more than confusing. Some of the trees in this area looked like they had taken a serious beating from something sharp, their insides were cracked open, which was kind of confusing since Frau hadn't actually encountered any weapons in Heaven so far. Unless one counted those two useless pairs of swords hanging upon that wall in Gido's room, but they had still been there when Frau had started looking around for him.

Hooray for finding Gido? Frau wasn't sure what to think of the situation.

Gido was hurt, that much was plain obvious from his voice. It was a kind of pain Frau knew and understood, he just didn't want to think of it now, as there wasn't much space left in head to comprehend that much altogether. It was enough that Ayanami was roaming free – apparently and Gido, of all things, did not think that one worth yelling about.

He swallowed, gathering his courage to speak up, but it was then that Gido turned around and met his stare. The look in his eyes terribly defeated and, there were a few other things Frau couldn't place, but it was the look of someone wanting to give up a fight that had been going on for way to long. Battle weary was what Frau thought when he felt the lump move from his throat and turn into a tight knot around his stomach. Why was Gido looking at him like that?

Gido had never looked at him like that, but now he did, and he didn't stop.

Anybody but him. Gido wasn't supposed to have these moments, Frau thought, and suddenly felt very much like he was nine again. And suddenly that scared him.


	13. Chapter Twelve: Always and Forever

**

Gido

**

The sound when his swords hit the trunk again and again was never nearly as satisfying as the feeling from when he cut through the soft wood, leaving visible scars where he had hit. It was mindless hacking and Gala and Cassius would have certainly scolded him for putting the trees through so much suffering, but frankly Gido did not care. This was way more satisfying than any step sequence, which only meant a lot of hitting air. And air was no good of an opponent at any time.

When one of the swords got stuck he had to dissolve it and he stopped for a moment, panting, taking a few steps back to look at what he had done. Yawning cuts spread over the surface, revealing the pale wood underneath like flesh beneath skin. Something made Gido sure that it would bleed, if only it could, and that would have been sad if he only cared about it. It felt an awful lot like staring at his own insides.

The steps had been ingrained into him far too long ago, like the drill had been the first steps he had ever taken. He could walk them with his eyes closed, though that was of course rather stupid when facing enemies. Still, Gido liked how neat and orderly they were and how they gave him time to clear his head. A long time ago that had bought him two birds with one stone. Now it only served to clear his mind, because he didn't want to think.

Plunging his swords once again into bark, resistance echoed through his arms but only for a moment, and then the edges cut nice and swift. He was about to go for another round when he noticed his steps.

Instinct made him clutch the hilts of his swords, but he didn't turn around.

Why was it no surprise to him that Ayanami had made it out of his cage after barely two weeks? Gido closed his eyes. _No_ , was what he thought, yet he turned around to face him, exhaustion written on his face.

“Are you imagining you're doing that to me?”, Ayanami said. His voice was so, so calm, it was almost enough to scare Gido. He dared to look at him.

Anyhow, he was puzzled by his question because he had not thought about doing this to anyone, now that he thought about it. No, he didn't want to do _that_ to Ayanami. Yelling though... there was a good share of that waiting for him. And so he finally said, “No... What do you want?” Gido tried sounding as grumpy and annoyed as possible to make him go.

“I think we should talk.”

“I think we shouldn't,” Gido gritted his teeth, turning away again. One step away from the drill's initial stance.

It was quiet for a moment and Gido thought Ayanami was about to leave, but apparently he was wrong. “So you are going to ignore me then? What happened to your pity for the monster?” Ayanami's voice was as calm as ever and Gido let out a sigh when he heard his footsteps approaching. Although he didn't want him to come any closer, Gido found himself frozen in his spot. His bones were singing with yearn.

“You used that up,” he had to force the words out between gritted teeth. What the hell was he thinking... “And don't you–“ Gido found himself parting his lips and closing them again. There were nothing in particular he could say that would make any sense. “You had _one_ job _god fucking dammit!_ ” he yelled, thrusting both swords into the ground where they dissolved, which made him regret his decision immediately. Now Gido didn't have anything to force Ayanami to keep his distance. “ _You knew what I wanted!_ ” his voice was shaking, dangerously close to giving in.

Ayanami didn't answer and maybe it was good that way, because Gido did not want to listen. He was done listening. He had done nothing else the past ten years and now it was Ayanami's turn.

“There was no other way.”

“ _No other way?_ ” Gido mouthed the words in disbelief. “How about just not killing him!?” The words didn't even come out as angry as he wanted them to. His voice was breaking away. His head was spinning. This was just not true, it was not happening, he wasn't hearing this. “Do you have any – any idea what it was like... watching you...” Gido shook his head. “Of course there was another way, you could have just not done all these things!” That was probably making it sound easier than reality was by the looks Ayanami was giving him.

Gido breathed a shaky breath. “So there's really only you...”

“Would you have liked it better the other way?” Ayanami questioned, folding his arms. “Isn't it better this way?”

All Gido could do was shrug. He didn't know. Not anymore.

“And you know what the worst part is?” Something about the look on Ayanami's face told him that he didn't want to know, but he had to say it. He had to make him aware. “The worst part is that I would have argued in your favour if you had just done this one thing for me...” And that he didn't know how to feel, but Gido never got as far as to say that. And at least this sounded better than admitting that it had change nothing about the way he felt.

It was only then that he noticed that Ayanami was blatantly staring at something behind him. Rather, someone, because Gido was fairly sure he knew who stood not too far away at the entrance of the clearing. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath as he turned around. _Why the hell is it always you_ , he asked himself, and when he opened them he saw Frau. But of course there was no answer, just Frau's confused eyes, and suddenly Gido felt something heavy sink down into his gut, settling there in the most uncomfortable position.

It wasn't supposed to happen this way. It wasn't.

It all happened in an instant. Ayanami disappeared and left him with Frau, which somehow came to no surprise, but left Gido's mind blank for a second. He wondered just what the hell he would tell Frau. Way back when it had been so easy to dodge the subject, as Frau had been no more than a child and still thought of the Ghosts as some fairy tale.

“What's going on?” Frau asked, he had come over.

Gido wasn't sure if the concern was directed at him or the fact that Ayanami was gone and Gido wasn't doing anything about it. “Don't bother following him, I don't think he's going to cause any trouble.”

At that Frau frowned and at last only shook his head, as if he did not seem to understand but still accepted Gido's words as a given. “I have honestly no idea what I just walked in on, but why the fuck did you say that to him Gido? _Are you out of your mind?_ ”

With a shrug Gido tilted his head. “If it comforts you, I've asked myself that question a lot since I've come here...”

“That, is not comforting at all. That is the opposite of comforting,” Frau stated briskly. A sigh followed and then he added, “why did you say you would have argued in his favour? What was he supposed to do for you? Why the fuck was he supposed to do anything for you in the first place? What's all of this about?”

Gido ran both hands down his face. “Can we talk about this later.” Even better: never. He was struggling enough with keeping a calm expression, while his emotions seemed to be on a roller coaster ride.

At least for the moment Frau seemed to accept that. “All right, but why the fuck are we not going after him?”

“He won't run.”

“What the hell makes you so sure of that?”

“ _I know him._ If Ayanami wanted to get away he would have done that already.” That also seemed to puzzle Frau, but the certainty in Gido's eyes seemed convincing enough in the long run. Just what the hell did happen here Frau's eyes seemed to ask.

* * *

It was a relief to finally disappear. With a low thud Gido sank against the door to his room, burying his face into his hands when he sank down.

What the hell had he been thinking? This didn't make anything easier. Then again nothing had ever been easy with Ayanami, so maybe he shouldn't complain that much.

Strange enough it hadn't changed all that much. Anger and frustration had mixed into it, but it was hard to deny that he loved him still. The feeling gnawed at Gido from within, carved itself into his ribcage and demanded to be noticed.

It hurt.

Gido was startled when a warm hand touched his head as he had believed he was alone, but Tamika's face just brought back the pain to his own. “I'm so tired of fighting...” Gido rubbed his face and let his head sink onto her shoulder. Tamika had made herself comfortable on his lap, but Gido didn't mind. Her presence was more than welcome at the moment. “It was supposed to be over...”

Tamika's hand ran through his hair, and Gido closed his eyes. He felt weary.

Gido didn't want to say it out loud, but thinking to himself he thought that giving up and giving in couldn't be the end of Heaven and Earth. As if she was reading his thoughts Tamika hugged him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't get to mention this in the story, so here's the deal. I think no matter if you're actually capable of using it zaiphon remembers what you're used to. So that's why Gido got swords instead of the regular thing from the show. He likes to carry around four because he's prone to burning through them so he always keeps a spare set on him.
> 
> Gido will end your life if you lay a finger on Frau. Now you can argue with me, but I say Gido and Ayanami deserve that awfully cliche title up there because they're awful like that.


	14. Chapter Thirteen: Loose Ends

When Gido had left, he left Frau with more questions than answers about their conversation and for a while Frau had to just stand there and let everything happen. Only then his mind and body allowed him to go on.

Concerned, Frau had returned to the church, where he promptly bumped into Nova.

Nova was the former Landkarte, with light brown hair that was usually pinned-up or bound into a pony tail. Frau had no idea whether or not she looked anything like the current one, but he would have hardly recognised her now with her hair hanging loose if it weren't for her eyes. They were purple, darker than Profe's and surprisingly close to Ayanami's. Seldom did he see her in dresses: in fact, he had never seen her wearing one before. To Nova, it all seemed to be about the practical use of it.

“You look worried?” Nova pushed several loose strands away, clearly annoyed by them.

“I... am,” Frau admitted. “Can I make a weird request, can I see Ayanami?” Frau had to make sure Gido had spoken the truth and Ayanami was back where he belonged. Even if their prison seemed fairly unreliable and Frau wondered why Ayanami had not been brought to the prison cells of the church. For all he knew they certainly existed in this place.

“That's not a weird request at all,” Nova chuckled and motioned him to follow along.

Sometimes Frau wondered if she had taken up the position as key master because of the rumours which lingered about Landkarte's current reincarnation. Other times she simply seemed the type for jobs like this. With a sigh Frau decided to follow her.

“It would be more strange if you wouldn't request this. Tiashe already paid his visits.”

“Teito went to see him?” And Nova nodded but nothing more. Frau wasn't sure why he was so surprised himself, he should have seen that coming.

To walk up the stairs of the tower he only knew shattered to pieces felt strange. Ayanami was on the first floor.

Frau had thought he would be anxious, but he felt surprisingly calm as he watched Nova unlock the door and present him Ayanami. “There he is,” she gave a faint smile. “Do you want to go inside? Be careful though, his touch...”

“I know, I know...” Frau muttered and took a deep breath. Ayanami's gaze seemed to freeze his blood and accelerate his heart rate. “Just close the door.” With that Frau turned on his heel and walked off, leaving Nova standing.

* * *

Speaking of gone, Gido was too. Again. Frau noticed this with a groan, as he had checked every place where Gido was usually at. Again. Frau was about to curse fervently when he remembered how he had found Gido in the forest. Maybe... it would work again.

It wouldn't hurt to try, Frau thought, breathing in deep as he closed his eyes and recalled the feeling from earlier.

_Home._

That was all it needed, because when he opened his eyes he saw Gido, and Frau exhaled a breath he had not known he was holding. A little smile crept up the corners of his mouth as he watched him, not quite sure about where they were, because whatever purpose this room had downstairs, it clearly hadn't the same here.

Someone had painted skylines and open windows onto the walls to make it appear more spacey, but except for a pair of sofas there was no inventory. Most people would have mistaken Gido to be asleep, the way he had draped himself over one of the sofas, his face buried in the pillows, his breathing quiet and regular, but Frau knew better.

There was no way Gido would be asleep at this time of the day. Still, he tiptoed around him, pondering for a moment where to sit. Most part of him wanted to sit on the arm rest, close to Gido, but considering the recent events Frau instead chose the couch opposite to him.

Gido was the first to break their silence. “How did you find me?” he asked, quiet and barely moving his head. Just enough to make breathing and speaking easier it seemed.

“Maybe I'll tell you, if you tell me what was going on out there and why the heck Ayanami is back in cell– “

“You saw him?”

Somehow it was infuriating that this was all Gido seemed to care about. Frau clenched his fists. “Yeah...” he said, his eyes falling shut for a moment as he tried to keep composed. “You lied to me.” He needed to say it. Frau didn't mean for his voice to be as bitter as it was now. When he lifted his gaze from his knees he saw how Gido stirred, but still he didn't turn around to face him.

“How so?” Gido asked, quietly, and his voice surprisingly calm.

“It was you... you brought him, both of them here.”

There was a moment of hesitation, before Frau heard him say, “yes.”

“Is that all you have to say?” Frau spit out when nothing else came from Gido. He was dangerously close to yelling and he knew that whatever Gido would say next would most likely tip him off, no matter if the subject was worth yelling about or not.

To his surprise Gido rolled over and sat up to face him, but there was something so unmistakeably tired written across his face that Frau was taken aback for a moment. That was so unlike Gido. He had to swallow, wondering for a second if it maybe wasn't so unlike him, but that Gido had just never shown this side of him until now. But it was all the proof he needed to know that he hadn't been dreaming earlier that day.

“I thought you would be better off not knowing,” even his voice sounded tired, Frau thought as he listened. “And... I didn't know how to tell you...” Gido bowed his head. “I'm sorry.”

As Frau didn't quite know what to make of that, except that Gido had been right once again and he could understand why it would have been so difficult to tell him on that day, there was only one question left for him. “Why did they pick you?”

“Why?” Gido didn't even seem to realise he was repeating that question, much less how he lifted his head and tilted it in question, or the thoughtful sound that escaped his throat. Frau could tell by his distant gaze, and after a while he blinked, seeming to realise what had happened, and merely shrugged. “No idea... Maybe because I'm an insomniac and don't sleep anyway, so they didn't have to wake me.”

Frau snorted, he couldn't help it, and covered his mouth to hide the small grin. However much that that was not a joke, he couldn't help but laugh. It wasn't even funny, even more it was lie. Like the way he was lying to himself about what he could read on Gido's face. “You weren't surprised that Ayanami returned...” Frau questioned.

Gido gave a heavy sigh. “Let's leave it at a hunch...”

“You have a lot of hunches,” Frau snorted, folding his arms.

Gido laughed. It was quiet and not in the slightest gleeful, instead it was dry and over way too soon for Frau's taste. Curiously, he eyed the man sitting across from him. He didn't look like Gido, and at the same time he did. He had his features, his eyes, his hair, his physique. Yet it wasn't Gido; with the tired eyes and without that cheerful smile, and the sunken shoulders or the way his whole figure seemed to collapse unto itself. And as strange as it was, Frau felt like for the first time Gido allowed him to glimpse behind the façade he usually wore, which was an equally exciting and scary thought, considering that it was this he was hiding.

When their eyes met and locked for a moment, Frau tried hard not to flinch away, but when he spoke his voice was pressed. “What did you mean by that earlier...” He took a deep breath, averting his gaze and rubbing his eyes. Frau was hiding his face behind a hand, when he continued, softer this time, “you said you would argue in his favour?” What for?. “You didn't really mean that, did you?” Frau swallowed a lump in his throat and pressed his thumb and index finger to his nose. His insides felt all jumbled up when he realised how much either of the possible answers scared him.

Gido did not answer. Instead Frau saw something flicker in his eyes, that was dangerously close to heartbreak. Or maybe Frau just didn't want that to be true. “I could have stopped him... that day, I... I chose to save your life instead.”

Frau choked on a dry throat. Neither had he asked for this, nor would he have ever wanted to know it. It was a devils cycle with the questions he had for Gido, even if unspoken and the answers he received.

“I know he's done fucking awful things, but I also know he's not a mindless killing machine, no matter what you'll say.”

Frau felt his guts twist. It was useless to object, he knew that much. Gido was certain of his own words, he could see it in his eyes. Whatever made him believe that... “Then why didn't you... I never wanted a life without you...” Frau's voice broke away.

“Isn't that obvious? I would have never forgiven myself.” Gido manage a faint smile, but it barely lasted a moment. “You've... always been dear to me, Frau.”

Just like Ayanami? Frau wondered, but didn't want to ask. It was something he didn't even want to consider in the first place. “You're really pissed at him, huh?” Yet it was no question, just a realisation.

“That would be the understatement of the year,” Gido muttered, and snorted, amused it seemed. “He killed you. Of course I'm furious.”

Hearing it out loud from somebody else's mouth was strange. Frau swallowed on a dry throat. Part of him wanted to stay mad at Gido, just because. It felt childish. Besides, he didn't want to fight. “One more thing...” Frau said. He was digging his nails fingers into the fabric covering his knees.

“That book I was reading has recent knowledge on our current head of the house, but it can't possibly come from Asyl and I didn't know him for certain, so...”

Gido raised a brow, and Frau swallowed. It was weird thinking about the many possible reasons of how Gido might have acquired that knowledge.

“What can I say...” Gido sighed and shrugged. “I got curious and did a little research myself,” a small genuine smile appeared on his lips. “Is that so surprising?”

No, it wasn't, and Frau gave a small laugh when he noticed how for the first time today the weight was lifted off his shoulders. “Is that why you knew we're related?”

“Hm,” Gido nodded, watching him with a faint smile.

“Okay,” Frau muttered, if only to say something after all because he didn't know what to do exactly now.

After a moment of silence Gido asked, “So how did you find me?”

“Not telling,” Frau allowed himself a smirked.

“C'mon. For me...” But Frau only shook his head and smiled.

“Maybe if you visit me sometime,” he answered when he moved closer to sit by his side. “I never meant you can't be a part of my life anymore... You're the only family I have left, next to Teito, and I'd like to have both of you at my side, so whatever it is spit it out.” A small frustrated pout sat on his lips. “Just tell me already why you're avoiding me!”

A heavy sigh escaped Gido's lips, but he didn't reply and when Frau studied him, he realised there were probably no words for him to express it either. “Man... you must really have missed me yelling at you, you're practically asking for it.”

Gido snorted quietly. It seemed it was all he had for an answer and Frau found himself smiling, moving a little closer, and he put his head on Gido's shoulders. A silent invitation for him to do what he always did. Except that Gido didn't move his hand, so Frau ended up head-butting his shoulder.

 _Idiot_ , he thought to himself, grumbling and head-butted him again. Except that this time he hit air, because Gido wrapped an arm around him and rumpled his hair using his knuckles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *bobby singer voice* idjit


	15. Chapter Fourteen: Weary Bones and Heavy Souls

**Gido**

When Frau was gone, Gido sunk back onto his side, closing his eyes for a moment when he allowed himself to relax and wonder when those easy lies had become so difficult. It wasn't that he meant to avoid Frau in the first place; it was... the way his feelings had been distorting with Ayanami's arrival. It wasn't hate, that much he could tell, though hate would have been much easier to process. And he kept suppressing whatever urged against his vocal chords when he thought of facing Ayanami came up; he wasn't going to do that anyways. Gido buried his face in the cushions as he felt himself slowly slip away from where he was to where his subconsciousness was taking him.

No, not exactly that. Gido already knew where he would end up, but right now he was too tired to fight it and the bed he transported himself onto was much more comfortable than the sofa just now. Or maybe it was only the familiar scent that he breathed in. It wove around the pain singing through him like a soothing spider web.

Doing this was much easier than actually going to Ayanami's room. For a moment, Gido wondered if the old man had agreed to let him lock up Ayanami as a test, when he opened his eyes to stare at the door. Had the council meant to find out if he could resist? Well, if that had been their plan, he was obviously playing into their hands, but right now Gido just didn't care.

“You've taken your time,” Ayanami said, quietly as ever, and yet his words stung like needles into his heart.

How to answer that, how to answer any of it? Gido pulled up his legs, halfway curling into a ball, realising that he didn't want to talk, but somehow Ayanami's presence was required.

There was no answer, but Gido heard some aimless steps as they vanished into nothingness after a moment or two. “Do you want to see me after all,” the steps seemed to carefully tread towards him.

“I don't know what I want, or don't, for that matter,” Gido said and heaved himself up to sit on Ayanami's bedside. Ayanami was standing close to the window; he had been working on something, it seemed. Ink stained his fingers.

“I thought you were angry with me?” Ayanami questioned.

“I _am_ angry with you, angry doesn't even cover all that I feel just looking at you,” but at the same time it was so desperate it was tearing at his insides. As it was not anger that much, but rather pain, that only wanted to be expressed in screams torn from his throat. “I'm so incredibly wroth with you, I don't even know what to say or yell,” he added after a while, which seemed to clear some of the confusion on Ayanami's face. “I want to scream at your face, but that wouldn't make anything okay.” Besides he wasn't exactly unhappy about Frau's appearance in Heaven, but that was a topic for another day.

“If I only make you angry, you should just leave,” Ayanami simply suggested, shaking his head, slowly closing the distance between them, but Gido didn't move. “What is it? Feel the need to hurt me?” The way he said it, it sounded like an offer: Gido's stomach revolted.

Gido noted how Ayanami stopped when his hand came up to rub his shoulder in mere reflex. It wasn't even hurting, it was just a memory and he barely noticed. “Don't,” he stiffened. “Don't come any closer,” Gido muttered, closing his eyes.

“If you want to pierce your swords through my ribcage that bad, just do it”, a little amused smile played around the corners of Ayanami's – no, Verloren's, mouth. The feeling it evoked was so familiar that he had to avert his eyes, it felt like a heavy weight pressing down on his chest and crushing his lungs. Gido pressed his thumb and index finger between his brows in an attempt to recover his train of thought.

“You have every right to; I killed that brat after all”, Ayanami added and his voice almost sounded soft and understanding.

“Yeah,” Gido snorted, bitterly, glancing at him. “That's a pretty good reason to,” he clenched his fists.

Ayanami kept his distance, but it was no more than a step or two when he froze in his tracks. “Well?”

“That's not what I want!” Gido retorted between gritted teeth. Instinct made him brace himself when Ayanami closed the distance half a step.

“Then I do wonder what it is, you do seem tormented – _oh_ ,” he smirked.

Obviously Ayanami was enjoying this more than he did, Gido thought. For a moment, he was too captivated by how close Ayanami came when he leaned in for a kiss, but he came to his senses quick enough to shove him away with a punch. “Definitely not,” he grumbled, his clenched fist quivered, and it took a moment to untangle his fingers and run them through his hair. “No,” he told Ayanami, his finger pointing in accusation at him.  
Part of him took an uncomfortable amount of pleasure when Ayanami moved his jaws, rubbing a spot on his chin that seemed to hurt. “This is not what this is about!”

“Splendid, then you came here to sulk and glare at me for being as unpredictable as any other human.”

Shaking his head, Gido closed his eyes once more. This was useless. It was insane.

“Now, now. You don't intend to run, that isn't like you”, Ayanami noted when Gido intended to leave.

Gritting his teeth, Gido stopped and turned his head to scrutinise him for a brief moment. “Neither is this like you.”

“Wrong. I've never been more myself than in this moment. To be quite honest I thought you would be more thrilled to meet the real me, considering...” To Gido's surprise, Ayanami actually stopped talking when he glared at him. Unfinished words hung in the open air. “I guess not,” Ayanami said crisply.

“How the fuck did you expect me to react seeing you now? I had to watch you destroy so many lives–“ Bitterness tainted Gido's words.

“I _killed **both** _of my brothers. My Begleiter gave _his life_ for me and you have the audacity–“ Ayanami's voice was as cold as it cutting.__

__“That's no fucking excuse for it! That doesn't even begin to give you the right to do what you did! Would it have hurt so much–“_ _

__“Yes,” and Ayanami himself seemed shocked by that answer. “Yes, it would have,” he insisted still. “Because all the people who would have an inkling of understanding for me died. Including you, dumbass.”_ _

__“But that doesn't make it okay,” Gido retorted._ _

__“Then what makes it okay for you to die?!” Ayanami shot back._ _

__“Don't you fucking do that!” Gido growled. “You're the adult here and I expect you to fucking act like one. Of course that shitty brat is priority, when I can expect you to understand, but not him! And then I come here and the first thing I get to watch is you snap and I'm supposed to side with everyone and I just can't. No matter how much I agree that what you did was wrong and how angry I get with you, or how much I want to punch your stupid face each time I see you for making me feel like this.”_ _

__Ayanami didn't flinch no matter how close Gido got to him, no matter how hard he was boring his finger into his chest or how hard he fisted his hand into his collar. Gido wanted to shake him, just to evoke a reaction. “I really wish I could–“ Gido gritted his teeth, pressing his lips shut when Ayanami kissed him. With an angry growl he shook him to break the kiss, yet he didn't let go. His aching bones resisting less than he wished. This was wrong; this was not what he should want to do so very badly. Except that after a moment he hung his head, leaning it against Ayanami's. The warmth of his skin painfully familiar, shaking his breath and his insides. “I wish I could hate you...” he muttered, mouth twisted in pain, wishing that it wouldn't eat him away like this, wishing that he couldn't understand Frau so well, as if wishing so was the perfect way to ease the pain._ _

__“Your hands betray your mouth,” Ayanami noted, a little amused. It almost made him laugh._ _

__“I guess they do,” Gido replied, idly running a thumb over the curve of Ayanami's neck. His voice had lost the bitter edge, but was growing tired and brittle now. Pretending was hard enough around the others, and it was okay to give in now and then, wasn't it? “You know I'm bad at being mad at people who kiss me... Especially when I've waited so long to kiss their stupid face again.”_ _

__“I won't go anywhere any time soon.” Ayanami rustled with the shackles on his hands. “Besides, ...” and Gido made a small, thoughtful sound. “I've never met anyone who wouldn't die when they touched me in this form. So be sure to make your point very clear.”_ _

__There was no answer that came from Gido's lips, but his head sunk onto Ayanami's shoulder as he wrapped his arms firmly around his figure. Figuring that the tighter he held on, the sooner it would stop the shaking and quiet the sounds he tried to keep enclosed in his throat. “I hate you...” he managed between ragged breaths and tears he couldn't do a thing about. “I've missed you...”_ _

__Ayanami made a small agreeing sound._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gido is a prolongued string of headaches in Ayanami's life. Makes good coffee though so that might be why he kept him around. That and he can adorably stupid when he isn't exactl insuferable.


	16. Chapter Fifteen: Mirror Mirror The Sequel

Teito had demanded it. “Take me to the lake,” he'd said.

Frau still wished he had never mentioned that damned pond of water. “Are you sure?” Frau heard himself asking

Fiercely Teito nodded.

“All right,” Frau said, straightening himself. “ _Do you think you're ready? To see the people you love, ones you probably won't see in person for a long time?_ ”

Frau had deliberately chosen Gido's words upon the childish notion of feeling much safer when he could at least pretend that Gido was with him this way. The lake was no place he would go to by choice, but that even more was a reason to not let Teito go on his own. Besides, this wasn't Teito's first day in Heaven, like it had been for him when Gido had taken him there.

“Yes!” Teito stared at him and Frau couldn't help but notice once more how much Teito had grown. He was tall enough now to comfortably lay his head against Frau's chest when standing.

Hands buried in the pockets of his coat, which he still wore on occasion, Frau couldn't help the smile resting on his face. It had always been like this, whenever Teito had made up his mind about a decision there was no way of changing his mind. Much like himself... but that had been so many years past, it felt like decades already. Then again, Frau couldn't quite say he had become any less stubborn. Still, there was a notable gap between him and that child that Gido had raised.

Frau noticed how Teito placed a hand on his shoulder, thumb idly stroking the empty place as he glanced away. Once Frau had spoken to him about it, but Teito hadn't even been aware of his doing so, so by now Frau had taken up the habit if covering it with his own and softly squeezing it. Teito smiled at him, absent-mindedly running a hand through his hair. It had taken Frau little time to realise that Teito was missing the weight of Mikage on his head or shoulder. Instinctively his hand would wander to where the small dragon used to sit, only to find nothing now.

One day he would get used to it, or so, Frau told himself, carefully squeezing Teito's hand once more. “Let's go,” he said softly and he ran a hand through Teito's hair. Teito only nodded absent-mindedly.

* * *

Frau would have to lie to say he had any idea where this fucking lake was. Up until now Gido had always taken him, so there had been no reason to actually memorise the way. Anyhow, he certainly wouldn't go back and ask him now, as Gido would insist on going along with them and as much as Frau would have appreciated that, his pride would not allow it.

There was no way he would ask anyone for help in this, after all, how hard could it be to find a gigantic lake? And so he staggered with Teito beside him through the gardens around the church with only a vague sense of direction and a very grim expression. Very much to Teito's amusement it seemed. To his own surprise, they actually ended up at the lake, albeit after a few wrong turns here and there.

Of course the detour had been entirely planned. Or, at least Frau acted like it, even though Teito's giggle suggested he didn't believe him otherwise.

“So, how does this thing work?” Teito asked, curiously eyeing the lake from a safe distance. Frau had made sure to keep him from approaching the lake right away. Because Teito had that gleam in his eyes, the one that meant he would run off the moment Frau took his eyes off him to explore the lake and its shores. Frau knew he would regret it though, letting Teito off the leash immediately. So he kept a tight grip around his hand, unwilling to let him go.

Now there were two options and Frau wasn't really fond of either, because either he had to let him go and hope for the best or he had to go with him and endure the dreadful ache that it promised.

His decision felt more cowardly than he cared to admit.

“Go see for yourself...” Frau said, nudging him towards the shore, and Teito went. His first steps tentative, but soon overwhelmed by curiosity he approached the lake with unwavering courage and then he stopped dead in his tracks. The lake didn't even leave time to settle on the shore, it never did – Frau had learned that the hard way. Whatever possessed him now he didn't know, but his stomach was revolting when he followed Teito's steps. Part of him cursed himself for not going with him right from the start, but Frau knew that there was just no way he could have done that.

It was curse, a goddamn curse, Frau thought as he watched the picture Teito's thoughts had summoned to the surface. He eyes grazed the figures of Hakuren (not even noticing all the ladies around him) and Ouka (way too sad for someone as pretty) and Maya (trying to comfort the princess) and a bunch of maids (quite concerned about everyone's well-being), Castor and Lab (talking to Jio, apparently concerning the matter of a new pope) appeared on a second screen and Frau knew that it was his own doing, but unlike Gido he had no control over these things. Shutting your thoughts off from its presence was easier said that done, though Frau was certain that ten years in Heaven would easily do the trick.

Without a word, Frau placed a hand on Teito's head and eased him down onto his knees, gently stroking his back.

Upon closer examination the overall mood seemed to be uncomfortably gloomy, which was just another reason for him not to concern himself with the lake, although Labrador's and Castor's voices didn't vanish when he looked away and Frau figured it was because he couldn't quite bring himself to let go right now. Even though neither of them was actually here, the mere sound of their voices was rather comforting.

Teito was fighting back tears when Frau gathered him close, arms wound tightly around him. When he raised a hand to wipe away some of the tears Teito took the opportunity to close his eyes and bury his face in it. Quiet, except for his cut-off sobs, Teito dug his nails into Frau's arms and soon after into his shirt when Frau managed to turn him away from the pictures and voices. He moved them a little away from the lake, which immediately took effect in erasing every remaining voice and picture, which Frau noticed with a breath he had not been aware he had been holding, and he kissed Teito's head.

Somehow, Frau found the fact that everyone seemed a great deal more affected by Teito's death than by his oddly soothing. He had never wanted to leave a gap as big as in Teito's life behind, which had already been one too many. His stomach was in knots, reminding him of why he didn't like it here in the first place, which was why he buried his face in Teito's hair, the familiar calming him little by little.

Teito muttered something which he couldn't understand, but Frau was fairly sure what it was about. Yet there was no way to tell them that everything was alright. “It's going to get better... it's gonna take some time, but it's going to get better...” he murmured, running a hand down Teito's back who only nodded, burying his face into Frau's shoulder as more tears came running down his cheeks..

“The princess is a wise young girl...” he kept on talking though he didn't quite know why, trying to remember what Gido had told him here on his first day. “She will heed her own advice, don't ever doubt that, but first she needs to mourn you. Because she misses you, everyone does... and if they're not gonna miss you, it's not going to get better... So cry all you need to.” He pressed a light kiss to his head.

“But I hate it...” Teito muttered, shaken by sobs. “I hate crying, e-even in fr-front of you. I just want to tell them it's okay...” he shook his head, as if that could make it all go away.

“I know you do,” Frau replied, still stroking his head, unable to explain how he managed to stay this calm when his guts twisted into greater, tighter knots with each new word. “I know...” Frau merely repeated as he found himself at a loss of words, feeling well reminded of why he did and way too frustrated about the fact that, in truth, he did not have an answer for everything like Gido did. So he went back to wordlessly comforting Teito, until the shaking and the sobs calmed down, but even then he kept running a hand down his back and kissing his neck, muttering empty phrases of comfort in between.

They stayed like this for a long time, long enough that Frau was quite certain his legs would fall asleep if he didn't get a chance to move them very soon. Teito was sitting on his lap, arms wound tight around his neck, and he had his head resting near Frau's collar bone, his legs dangling loosely to the side and now and then Frau ran a hand over his thigh.

It wasn't until Teito shifted in arms to sit upright and asked, “who was that girl? The one with the big jacket,” that Frau shifted into a more comfortable position. Teito's voice was quiet and Frau recognised the tone: he was seeking distraction.

“Gido's daughter,” Frau said, slowly, because the words still seemed weird. “Her name's Maya. She's the new Zehel...” There was no answer to that, but Frau hadn't expected one either. What was there to say anyway...

“Did you know her?”

“I was told I did,” Frau admitted. Then after a moment of silence he added, “but I don't remember her at all. Much less as Gido's daughter...”

“I think she seems nice,” Teito muttered, nuzzling into Frau's embrace once more, obviously done with the lake for now, a fact that Frau found rather soothing.

“Yeah,” he admitted with a smile he didn't know he had the capability of in this situation.

After a while Teito wriggled from his grip, crawling towards the surface again and Frau watched him wipe away some more tears as the pictures appeared. With a deep breath on his lips Frau forced himself to join him once more, thinking to himself that he must be crazy to do this in the first place. Only when Teito suddenly laughed, though it sounded a little hysteric through the tears, did Frau think that it might be worth it as well.

* * *

Frau hadn't even intended to fall asleep at all that night, yet somehow he found himself leaping upright in a moment of terror several hours after he had supposedly fallen asleep. Sighing, Frau slumped back into bed, wrapping his arms around Teito who didn't seem bothered the slightest. Not even when Frau nuzzled into his back, closing his eyes as the familiar scent bit by bit started filling his lungs.

Each time he visited the lake, Frau felt even more drained afterwards then he did before, yet it had never been as bad as today. He had never woken up with his heart racing like that and his mind blank from the terror of pain, and for what it was worth, Frau had an idea why that was. He didn't like it though. The idea made his stomach turn with the ugly feeling of betrayal. Although this was quite far from what he was planning to do, it felt like that all the same when he stood up, curling his toes at the cold floor. Absent-mindedly, Frau continued to dress himself.

For a moment Frau merely shifted on his feet, pondering whether or not he should go, yet the fact that he was already up and dressed and ready to go spoke much for itself.

Drawing a deep breath Frau braced himself for nothing in particular and hoped Teito wouldn't notice him disappearing. Teito was sleeping surprisingly well in this place, still nothing, not even this, would erase that military training which had been ingrained into his bones, for a very long time. When he had still been alive Frau had hoped a day would come where Teito could sleep in peace, but as all well deserved things, it hadn't happened. At least Frau had never meant the gruesome sleep of eternity Ayanami had sent Teito into.

Unwillingly Frau clenched his fists at that thought.

Even though he could have easily teleported into Gido's room, Frau wanted the little bit of a walk down the corridor. There was something comforting in even just that. Knowing that Gido was close enough for him to approach by foot, that he could call down the hall and have him respond, and that he could seek the comfort of his company any time. It was much like those nights on the Aegis where he had come to his room after nightmares or on sleepless nights.

Frau had always thought that there was something eminently warm about his presence, despite the fact that his body had been cold. It was in the air surrounding him and had always made him feel quite cosy when he had been about to fall asleep. Even right now when he silently entered his room there seemed to be a change in the air, the knowledge of being in the same room with Gido spread like the drenching warmth of a hot cup of tea. The anticipation of wanting to be noticed sung quivering through his body and it made him feel like he was a child again all over. All the more when he considered why he had come here in the first place – to seek comfort.

“Bad dream?”

Frau had to close his eyes for a moment and stop, his breath notably wavered at the familiar tone in Gido's voice. How on Heaven and earth was that fair. “No,” he managed and shook his head, though Gido probably couldn't see that. At least he couldn't remember what he had dreamed. “Don't know,” Frau added, his stare fixed on his feet, feeling ridiculously childish with the way he was standing here in the middle of his room.

Sheets rustled and Frau supposed Gido was going to come to him, but no footsteps followed, so he looked up and found Gido sitting on the edge of his bed. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really,” Frau said, continued his steps as he sat down next to him. Sighing, he hung his head. “What I'd give for a cigarette now...” He muttered but more to himself.

“I might take your word next time,” Gido smirked, offering him a pack.

Snorting, Frau took one and lit it on Gido's for he hadn't had his own lighter with him. “Under different circumstances I would take that offer...” he grinned, but silence followed. “How the fuck do you even do that?” Frau sighed, fighting the urge to close the gap between them and lay his head onto Gido's shoulder.

“Do what?” Gido asked and Frau closed his eyes when Gido's hand came up to run through his hair.

“Stay this calm...” he sighed, willingly following Gido's hand coaxing him closer and nuzzling into his shoulder. Fuck... one day Gido would be his demise all over again if things kept going like that.

Just like that small content sound he wasn't quite able to swallow. Gido only hummed and ran a hand down his back. “About the lake... no actually, everything, now that I think about it.”

A small laugh answered him, before Gido quietly replied, “you won't believe me now, but you'll get there...” Which had Frau wondering if he really would, but his mind was too caught up in noticing once again how pleasantly warm Gido was. It was the first time since Teito's arrival that they were this close to one another. Frau noticed how much he had actually missed his touch and the warmth of his body and the faint sound of his heartbeat. It was all he wanted, all he needed, nothing more, and his craving was quite innocent as it only required Gido's presence and that familiar touch of a hand carding through his hair. That was really all there was to it.

It had been Gido who had pushed him away, and while Frau could see why that was for his own good, he had not taken the time to wonder how exactly Gido felt about it himself. As obvious as the question would seem, Frau had not really wanted to think that through and concern himself with the mess he might have created. His stomach dropped at that thought, yet he couldn't bring himself to pull away. “Hey Gido... are you okay with this?

He was expecting laughter and a kiss on the head, but none of that happened, so curious he cocked his head, eyeing Gido in the dim silver northern lights. Oddly enough, a soft smile played around the edges of Gido's mouth, but instead of talking Gido cupped his face with one hand, running his thumb over Frau's cheek. “I don't mind, as long as you're happy, I don't mind at all.”

With a groan, Frau slumped back onto his shoulder and aimed a friendly punch at Gido's side. “You're stupid,” he muttered as he buried his hot face in Gido's t-shirt. For some stupid reason that made him want to kiss Gido, but Frau didn't quite delve into why that was. Instead he made himself comfortable, enjoying how Gido's hand ran up and down his back slowly soothing him back to sleep. Although... Teito...

There was a faint voice suggesting he should go back.

“Feelin' better now?” Gido asked after a while.

Frau answered with a content hum, but didn't exactly do much to let go, only shifted a little in his position.

“Don't you think Tiashe will be worried if you stay away too long? Knowing you brats, I'm sure he'll go looking for you and you probably don't want him to find you here like this, am I wrong?” Gido asked, carding a hand though his hair.

“Shut up, I waited ten years for my hug and it's gonna last as long as I want,” Frau muttered.

After that everything had become a whirl of drowsy warmth and Frau couldn't quite recall how long he had stayed, but when he came back Teito was awake.

“Where have you been?” Teito asked, just a tiny bit sleepy which Frau found kind of endearing.

For a moment Frau didn't exactly know what to answer, only scratched his head in thought as he approached the bed. “Refuelling...” he said at last and kissed the smile off Teito's lips.

“I see... that's good,” Teito murmured as he wrapped both arms around Frau's neck to keep him close.

Frau swallowed. “Is it?”

“Yeah, it's good to know the two of you get along again. You seemed so down...” A drowsy sigh followed, Teito still smiling.

“Oh,” Frau merely said, and feeling a small surge of heat rise up to his cheeks, he proceeded to bury his face in his shoulder. Yet he couldn't help a smile as he did that, and wound his arms around Teito, once more falling back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am good with naming chapters. So good. Listen guys. These notes and titles are my consolation right now. *lies down* *weeps a little* so many chapters to go still. You have no damn idea how self indulgent that scene with Gido and Frau at the end of this was. So, so grossly self indulgent.


	17. Chapter Sixteen: In The Harmony of Things

**

Gido

**

The problem about teleportation was not getting somewhere, but that you could never calculate the people into it. Carelessness could easily end in awkward situations, and Gido had to admit that this was one of them. There were more reasons than before now for him to get back, but that had never included stumbling right into Ayanami.

“Sorry...” Gido breathed. Frau's words had shaken him, awoken an old fear which crept deep down into his core and he couldn't get rid of it. It was taking up too much space in his head.

Whatever words had been stuck in Ayanami's throat, Gido didn't know, but they were changed when his eyes widened a little and his brows knit together. “What happened?”

Gido opened his mouth in vain as no words would come out. The heart in his chest pounded with all its might against his tightening ribcage, as his thoughts were freezing, leaving him with just the terrifying reality. “They're gonna tell you soon anyway...” Gido said without dropping his gaze. His own voice was disturbingly calm. “They figured out what brought you here...” He barely realised his fingers were shaking when he tugged Ayanami's shirt into place, his gaze sinking. “It's only a matter of time till...” It was like a string tightening around his neck, cutting off his breath and words.

Strangely enough, Ayanami smiled, brushing a hand over Gido's cheek. “I can't believe anyone's afraid of you...” he spoke softly, running his thumb along the line of his eye. They were stinging, but Gido barely noticed. “You are probably thinking about how you can get me out of this, aren't you?”

Gido shook his head, but it was a lie so obvious that Ayanami didn't even need to open his mouth to scold him.

“It's all right...” Ayanami finally said quietly. “Don't be upset, this was going to happen after all, you knew that. We both did.” That was true, Gido realised, lowering his head. “My body is already dead, and... I committed enough crimes in this life to deserve it.”

“You don't!” The words slipped from his lips before Gido even had the chance to think them through. “Well, you don't deserve to die for it. You might deserve the punishment, but not death. Also, I just got you back, and I'm not done with being mad at you!”

Ayanami chuckled, leaning against Gido's chest. “You're a fool,” he sighed.

“It's not even proven is it?”

“It is, my memory is a little easier to access in this place. Eve died by my hands, that much is clear...” Ayanami furrowed his brows. “I can't quite remember the circumstances though. Anyhow... it's true...”

With a sigh and deep breath Gido managed to stabilise his breathing, some incomprehensible muttering left his lips, when he put an arm around Ayanami. “Well... fuck.”

“You don't say,” Ayanami groaned, rolling his eyes.

With a smile Gido noticed how Ayanami leaned into his touch, when he started threading his fingers through Ayanami's hair. “I guess I can't keep my end of the bargain then...” he admitted with a rueful smile.

“It's fine now that neither of us can.”

“You wanted to explain something earlier...” Gido said, trying to steer the conversation somewhere else.

Now it was Ayanami's turn to sigh, but Gido wrapped his other arm around him and kept him from creating any, however momentary, distance. Ayanami accepted his defeat with surprising ease.

“The problem after all is that the bond created extends both ways, while you were alive the most important thing was to keep your soul inside your body, but now that you're dead the more dominant bond is that to the kor. Which doesn't hold much of a problem whether or not the contract holder dies first...” Ayanami stopped for a moment, but Gido waited patiently for him to continue. “The kor thinks you're theirs to begin with. Unless it will gain anything from it, it won't let go off your soul.”

Gido stayed silent throughout the whole explanation, wondering when Ayanami had acquired that kind of knowledge and realising that he certainly did not want to know how. “So there's no way of getting rid of it?”

“I probably could, if I had my powers, or Zehel's for that matter, and Fest's. They possess the crucial pieces of my power I would need to do it..” Ayanami explained very carefully.

It took a moment, but then it dawned on him, and Gido had to swallow several times to fight the dryness of his throat.

It seemed as if Ayanami had been waiting for exactly that. “If there had been a way to acquire his powers without killing him, don't you think I would have done that? I tried to save his soul from being swallowed, it was the least I could do. I'm glad I succeeded.”

“How do you mean?,” Gido replied, raising a brow. That made too much sense to be true.

“Usually for me to reclaim my powers I need to swallow a vessel whole, but there's a loophole. If I kill the vessel first the soul can go to Heaven while the Ghost is free, searching for a new vessel. I can eat it nonetheless in that time. It's risky and likely to go wrong, but... never mind. All that I had back in the human world is gone now... so it was in vain after all. It was murder and useless... Makes me tired...”

“I'm the one who's tired...” Gido grumbled, although Ayanami's words didn't exactly make sense to him. If he had acquired his body and most of his memories in the end, then why hadn't any of it followed into this realm? “It's probably your punishment for being such a dick,” Gido concluded his train of thought moments later.

“Right,” Ayanami replied dryly, harshly poking his ribs.

Gido laughed, burying his face in Ayanami's hair, pressing a kiss to his head. “Did you know Tiashe doesn't want you dead?” Gido murmured.

Ayanami made a small agreeing sound and muttered something along the lines of Tiashe having mentioned that before they had died. It made Gido smile a little, as he held Ayanami close.

* * *

For the longest time Ayanami had kept the shackles on, he never seemed particularly bothered by wearing them, but Gido had wondered how he had managed to open them that one time. Although he had never asked, and Ayanami never asked as well. Until one day he did and honestly Gido couldn't find a reason to object to that.

It was a neat little trick he had to admit. They seemed to simply fall off his wrists.

“How did you do that?” Gido asked. “I thought you were powerless.”

“No soul is ever powerless,” Ayanami remarked, stern as a teacher. “It's possible to bend the space of this place just a little...” He paused, glancing away. “Maybe I'll teach you one day...” he said then and carefully placed a hand on Gido's head. Slowly burying each finger in his strands, carding through them several times.

“I thought you would scold me more... You used to do that, grab me and scold me, and when you were done everything was find more or less...” Ayanami said quietly, as he kept running a hand through Gido's hair.

Gido had draped himself over Ayanami, buried his face in the other's shirt, and had made it impossible for him to get up, as far as he could tell, though Ayanami did not mind. His answer was an incomprehensible mutter.

Ayanami pulled him up by the hair on the back of his head. “Can't understand you.”

“I said, this isn't something we can solve this way, besides, you know what you did wrong. It's not like I need to spell it out for you,” Gido explained, glancing up at Ayanami, before lowering his head with a sigh. “Most of all I'm hurt and most of all I don't want to acknowledge my responsibilities here... I've missed you... so please, will you let me bask in my feelings of denial a little longer,” he demanded. It was only make believe, but it was all he had at the moment to keep himself together. “I'm hurt, the kind that makes you angry, so of course that's going to come out now and then...”

Ayanami didn't reply as he kept threading his fingers through Gido's hair, but Gido was rather pleased with that outcome. However well Ayanami knew how to manipulate others for his plans, he wasn't as great with people when it came to the simpler things. Mainly those that involved a lot of his own emotions, which had grown quietly, steadily during his human lives.

Gido heard Ayanami sigh, but didn't move his head. More precisely, he didn't need to. It was obvious to Gido how Ayanami was calling him a moron.

“Your moron,” Gido corrected and Ayanami snorted quietly and amused. Pleased with himself, Gido smiled, which made Ayanami raise a brow, as he glanced up. “You laughed.” Quietly, but it had been a laugh and when he did that he always seemed a little more human.

“Yes...” Ayanami's lips quirked up into a small smile. “Yes...” he repeated, but shaking his head. Something seemed to be on his mind, but he didn't ask and Gido didn't exactly feel like prying so he left it alone.

He had always liked Ayanami's smiles, they made him appear a little more human. Not that he wasn't, but he ever so rarely let it show. It was one of the nicer things those lips could do.

It wasn't that he had never thought about it since his return, nor that he had completely refrained from kissing him. Gido did it, on occasions, although it was never anything but brief and fleeting. The truth was he had been thinking a lot about these things, they had been occupying his mind – the want, the need, the craving for what he had been deprived of ten years ago. It stood opposed to the reality of Ayanami's – Verloren's – crimes, which went against all that he wanted to believe there was. That the flicker of good he had seen had been real after all.

Gido felt the heavy weight of his heart thump loudly against his chest, when he kissed Ayanami and felt something loosen in the others posture when he didn't draw back soon after. No, it was breaking, Gido realised, when Ayanami kissed back, responding to the hurtful claws of fierce longing which dug into his flesh with nothing but the same. It gave a bitter taste to their kiss, which seemed awfully fitting but was hardly enough to break it. It was desperate and eager, and foreheads and noses bumping into another and warm breath on their faces.

Ayanami's taste lingered on his lips, even when they had parted, although their faces were still less than inches apart. With a satisfied hum Gido licked his lips, savouring the familiar taste, as he leaned into the grip of Ayanami's hand, easing his fist open and allowing a content sound to escape his throat. This time it was Ayanami who initiated the kiss and Gido went willingly, drowning out the guilt in the simple pleasure of the proximity of a long lost lover.

Their kisses deepened, but there was little to no fight in their actions: it was a shared sympathy of pain and joy and gratefulness for this moment. Ayanami's grip on his hair and shoulders was hard enough to leave bruises, but Gido didn't mind, because that way at least he would have proof of this moment. It reminded him a little of Frau, but only in the sense that Frau had needed an anchor too.

“I told you not to go...” Ayanami was trying to keep his voice from shaking

“I know...” Gido closed his eyes, pressing his forehead against Ayanami's.

“I told you to stay!” It was a poor attempt of yelling. Hands clutched into the fabric of his clothes.

“I know.”

“Why did you have to spend your last moments with that brat. I wanted you to come to me...!”

“I know. I know. I know... I heard you” Gido muttered, ignoring the cracks in his chest, only audible to himself. “I didn't listen. I'm sorry.”

There wasn't a single trace of a tear on Ayanami's face, even though his voice was breaking away and silenced in another kiss. It was a silent promise not to go, but at the same time knowing that it was a promise he couldn't keep. For another while, it was merely kisses and hands fisting into fabric and hair, unwilling to let go in the fear that the other would vanish. At last impatience and bottled up desire got the better of them.

When the quiet had settled over them once more, Gido found himself idly running his fingers over Ayanami's back. His body was calm, and responding to the more sane instruction of his head once more, but his heart didn't feel much different from before. No, that wasn't right. It was different, it was empty and heavy, and hopeful and exciting all at the same time, the mixture making it clench hard inside his chest. Each beat felt terribly hard.

The one thing Gido did know was that he didn't regret it, although something was nagging inside him. And he wanted to ask why Ayanami hadn't stopped him, even though the answer was obvious. Gido hadn't been the only one missing. Ayanami had felt the same, Gido knew. Even when Ayanami didn't say a word because he rarely did.

Quietly, Gido buried his face in Ayanami's shoulder, for once not dependant on that warmth, but still soaking it up with every inch of his skin. He wanted to bury himself in that feeling, forgetting everything about where he was and why and why he would have to leave at some point. To annihilate that feeling of wanting to be somewhere else at the same time, because the moment he would step out of this room, Gido would have to face the facts.

But for now, all he wanted was to lie here a little longer, pretend a little longer, and not care for the longest time in ten years.

* * *

Close to two months had passed since Tiashe's death and Gido had given up keeping his distance from Ayanami not even halfway into the first four weeks. At first he had tried to keep his distance from him, and especially Frau, after those events, except Frau had called it bullshit and demanded Gido's attention every possible moment. And Gido would have found that endearing if it hadn't been for the fact that the reason for his behaviour was Ayanami on top of a huge stack of lies. His visits at the tower left a small amount of nagging guilt coiled up in his chest that Gido never quite seemed to be able to get rid of no matter how many times he tried. It would always be there when he was around Frau, who – to no surprise – never thought fondly of Ayanami. However, Tiashe had managed to ease away the edge of his anger, so by now Frau merely scowled when he visited his uncle.

Tiashe hadn't told a soul at first, least of all Frau, but Ayanami had told Gido about his nephew's visits. Little if at all, but from what Gido gathered it seemed to be one of those things that Ayanami liked when it came down to it, but it was also completely beyond his comprehension why it happened.

He had spent the evening that Ayanami disappeared with Frau, playing cards and exchanging stories about their time at Eden. Gido was talking about growing up with Magdalen and their daughter and Frau contributed whatever small detail he remembered.

Gido had meant to stop by for a visit at night time, as he did ever so often by now to pass the lonely hours with company and conversations, so it was for Tiashe to discover that someone had abducted Ayanami.

Standing in the doorway, Gido glanced around the room he had come to be familiar with in the past weeks. More than any other around here, he supposed. Tiashe had told he had seen a figure disappearing, but they had been gone too quickly for him to follow.

Tiashe had been understandably upset.

“It stinks,” Frau scowled, squinting his eyes as he looked around the room, squeezing himself past Gido. “There was a kor here, you can tell that too, can't you?”

Shifting in his position, Gido made a low sound in his throat. It was neither agreeing nor disagreeing, but then again Frau hadn't asked a question: he had made a statement. For the most part, Frau was right. There had been a kor here, but there was something that didn't fit and it made his insides clench tight. While he tried to put his finger on it, Gido wondered if this was some cruel jest of God after all.

Probably, it was for their insufficient behaviour regarding the case of Verloren.

Either that or someone from another side of the lake had taken a sudden interest in Ayanami. But, it was just... who would gain anything from that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *pins 'I tried my best' star to this*


	18. Chapter Seventeen: The Enemy of My Enemy Is My Friend

**Gido**

What mattered was Ayanami – tangible, real, and huggable right here.

And Ayanami didn't move, didn't push him away or tell him to pull himself together and dry his eyes, and Gido couldn't say for how long he stood there. At last when his breath was steady once more, but before he could form a clear thought, Gido bumped his head against Ayanami's.

Ayanami didn't react much, but he met Gido's wrathful stare with calm. There was no accusation, no anger; if at all there seemed to be understanding. Still, he grabbed Ayanami by the collar and shook him. Once. Twice. An enraged growl followed, his voice rising little by little when he forced Ayanami backwards until he had him on his back on the table.

Even so, Ayanami didn't budge: didn't do so much as bat an eye at him, and he seemed to be waiting for something.

“Why...” but there was not the fury and accusation in his words that Gido had hoped for. Instead his voice was breaking away with each syllable. “Why did you do that to me?! Why did you have to...” He couldn't finish it. There were no words to express what watching him had done. “At least say it to my face if I mean that little to you!” he spat out.

“Just how do you think someone like me would grieve over a broken heart?”

Muttering profanity under his breath, Gido had to swallow the lump in his throat.

“Now... don't look at me like that,” Ayanami said, furrowing his brows. “Weren't you done bawling your eyes out?”

“I'm not–“ but Gido only shook his head, wanting to object the matter as a whole, but he was blinking away more tears as he let his head sink onto Ayanami's chest. Maybe it was despair that made him laugh, a broken, joyless laugh. “That's fucked up,” he muttered. “That's totally fucked up and I swear if you're going to kill me to show how much you love me I'm going to come back to yell at you.”

“Don't be ridiculous,” Ayanami snorted. “I won't kill you. I will never try that. I've had a taste of what it's like if I get my way... I don't like it.”

“Yeah, sorry about that... I'm really... sorry... I fucked up,” Gido replied bitter.

To his surprise Ayanami very quietly chuckled at that, but refused to give an explanation. After a while Gido remembered to let go of his collar and allowed him to sit up. Quite carefully Gido brushed his lips against Ayanami's and took his hands into his own. “For Death to be warm...” he smirked against Ayanami's lips. Closing his eyes, Gido allowed himself to indulge in the warmth for a little while. His lips burning with the sensation of it, wanting to go back for more.

“Why yes...” Ayanami began, nudging Gido away so he could stand up. “Neither did I manage to keep my body, nor all of my memories, so of course for the time being I am no different from you or any other soul in this place. Well,” he paused, “theoretically speaking.”

“What do you mean?” Gido asked, raising a brow in question as he sunk into the chair and watched Ayanami walk over to the windowsill.

Lightly, Ayanami's fingers brushed the petals of a small potted plant seated on the window sill and watched as it slowly withered away. “My abilities, my body, my mind... mere tools I was given to perform my duty,” Ayanami said quietly, when Gido leaned his head onto his arm. “Losing any of that doesn't diminish my perfection.”

Gido snorted. “You always were a tad arrogant...” he muttered and sighed, lighting a cigarette. “Well, maybe your powers are wearing off after all, since I can touch you.”

Ayanami groaned. “You of all should know why that is.”

“I see...” Gido replied, blowing out a breath of smoke. So it was that after all: how disgusting.

“More or less.” Ayanami weighed his head, the remains of the plant turning into dust as he traced his fingers over them. “It was in your blood before, so technically speaking by now you should be nothing more than a soul with an ugly stain that I am incapable of removing in my current state. Do you– It is what your are. Simple as that.“ Gido watched as Ayanami straightened himself, blowing out another breath of smoke. “You should go...”

Gido's answer was a thoughtful noise.

“That woman will come back soon.”

“Nova? How do you know?” Gido furrowed his brows and made no attempt to get up.

“I can sense her presence... she's... you really should go.”

Gido sighed, leaning back in his chair. “Almost feels like the good old times...” he said quietly, barely smiling, but before he could catch Ayanami's words, Gido vanished from his spot. He materialised onto the wall at the church's entrance.

Just a soul with an ugly stain?

Wasn't that what he was supposed to be all along after all? The sword that appeared in his hand that now was more close to red, had been once of a deep, rich purple, almost black. The colour of warsfeil zaiphon and maybe, Gido thought, he was starting to understand why Ayanami had once called him lucky on his inability to summon zaiphon. Even when he had become Zehel and had been able to access the Ghost's powers his zaiphon had been almost unnaturally dark in colour. He would have surely... surely...

Gido didn't get to finish that thought.

“So here's where you've been hiding!” Asyl seated herself next to him.

Whether or not she had noted the sword in his hand that had disappeared into thin air the second he had noticed her Gido couldn't say, and if so, Asyl didn't comment on it. “What do you want?”

“Pan and the kid are gathering everyone to announce their findings. Please come if you can,” she said smiling and then she was gone.

Gido sighed, running a hand through his hair. Asyl had always been like this, appearing out of the blue and then vanishing without a second thought.

If it weren't for the ashes falling onto his coat he would have forgotten about his cigarette. “Learn some goddamn manners first,” he grumbled. Technically there was no need for him to attend the gathering since he already knew all there was. Still, he was curious how the two of them would go about the matter, and if they would take someone with them.

Most of the others were already present when he appeared, they had gathered somewhere in the middle of the garden. Vasja immediately waved and ran up to him.

“Gido!” chirped the little boy happily as he jumped into his arms, immediately snuggling into the embrace.

“Hey buddy, don't you have to be with Pan?”

“He's doing all the talking anyway, so can I stay here?”

Almost absent-mindedly Gido nodded, and when his eyes scanned the crowd for Frau, he couldn't help it. Tiashe was chatting with Fea, as always, but Parlan was also with him. Frau was nowhere to be seen.

“I see you found a substitute,” Frau said dryly, and Gido couldn't help but grin.

“What? Don't say you're jealous,” he teased.

“Am not,” Frau grumbled. “What's the ruckus all about?”

“You don't know?”

“No, I only saw people gathering here, so I got curious,” Frau admitted. “So... what's it about?”

“You'll see,” Gido replied with a thin smile and watched Frau screw up his face and grumble as he folded his arms, but stayed.

It wasn't long before everyone had gathered and Pantaleon started explaining the happenings, but Gido had his eyes on Frau and Tiashe, especially the boy.

“I think he will be okay,” Vasja whispered, following Gido's glance and smiled.

Gido would have liked to agree with that, but he had a feeling that Tiashe was about to do something very stupid. If it were Frau he might have felt more responsibility to actually do something about it, but as he turned to Frau to nudge him towards Tiashe, he could see it in his expression. Frau shared his feeling of uneasiness.

“Just shut up,” Frau growled as he noticed Gido's glance.

Gido couldn't help it, he was laughing up his sleeve. His smile broadened, as he turned his attention back to Pantaleon. It was seldom to see Frau having a fit of responsibility and it was even more amusing considering how Tiashe was so similar to Frau as a kid.

“Since we've solved the mystery of Verloren's arrival, now it's been decided that we will present our findings to the Chief of Heaven. The two of you that I shall take with me will be Pollux and Not.” The smile that rested on Pantaleon's lips as he ended his speech betrayed none of the sobriety.

“But if it's my fault he's here, shouldn't I be the one going?” Tiashe chimed in, quite concerned.

Gido felt the unspoken groan of Frau resonate in his bones. “Enjoy feeling like I do,” Gido remarked, smirking.

“I hate you,” Frau growled back at him.

It was Pollux, a tall woman wearing a kimono, who cut off Frau's attempt to bring Tiashe back to his senses. “Offer rejected,” she said, easily lifting him up and carrying him over to Frau, only to drop him into Frau's arms. “You're gonna stay out of trouble for now little prince. From now on, Verloren is our responsibility.”

“Do as the nice lady says,” Frau said, tightening his grip, and with that Tiashe's further struggles were in vain. Frau masked how baffled Pollux had left him with a grin.

“During my absence,” Pantaleon continued to explain, “I expect you to consult Vasja in all further matters.” It seemed to be a cue, because Vasja wriggled from Gido's grasp and made his way to the front where he climbed onto a low hanging branch.

Obviously it wasn't what Frau had expected, and Gido chuckled at the confusion on his face. Vasja did look like a child, but he hadn't lost his edge, although he rarely let it show. It was quite amazing what he was capable of.

“Quit worrying brat,” Frau head-butted Tiashe. “You might've played a part in getting him here, but from here on it's our business. You don't have any part in that anymore. Besides, he's likely to get executed now, so the whole deal will be over soon anyway, right Gido?”

It took him a moment to process the information. Blinking, Gido turned the thought over in his head. Frau was right; The Chief of Heaven would order Verloren's execution, and since it was The Chief he would find a way of doing so. “Yeah... I believe so,” Gido admitted, trying to ignore the tight rope around his gut.

Maybe he wasn't that angry with Ayanami... Gido thought.

It was... wrong, terrifyingly wrong. Although he knew better; Gido knew that it had to be done, he knew that it would happen, but he couldn't do a thing about the way he felt towards Ayanami or that decision.

“Exe...cuted?” Tiashe echoed, surprisingly hollow, ripping Gido from his thoughts. “I don't want him to be executed!” he complained with unexpected confidence. “He's all the family I got left, the hell I'm going to let God execute him! It's been a thousand years, he has to get over it!”

Gido wanted to laugh, but managed to hold himself back; that was surprisingly endearing. Who would have thought he would find an ally in Tiashe of all people.

“I have to agree with you on the latter,” Gido admitted and a pleased smile decorated his lips as Frau silently seemed to agree. “But it's not for us to decide whether or not he dies...” Gido said, which caused Tiashe to sulk and Gido wished to share his expression.

It was mean, he had to agree, but Gido wouldn't say that out loud. Ayanami would probably be quite angry if he found out he was thinking about throwing his own life away so carelessly.

The words about the execution remained, like someone had jabbed his side and pulled out the knife, leaving him to bleed quietly, silently suffering. Out of all his wrongdoings, all the lies, this might have been the worst, because it had motivated him in the first place. At first it had been selfishness. He had wanted to get rid of the mark, and with Ayanami being dead, that would have been impossible. Yet somewhere along the way his heart had been caught up in it too.


	19. Chapter Eighteen: What Lies Beneath

It was an odd conflict Frau was fighting with himself.

Ayanami was gone, and that was supposed to be a bad thing. Yet he couldn't feel that way, not even when he saw the joyless expression on Teito's face that seemed to be stuck to him once again since they had found out. And the worst was that he knew, that he understood what Teito was going through. Not another, he was thinking even when he didn't say it, and acted like everything was fine. But the truth was that he was sick of it, that there were countless accusations stuck in his throat, clogged by all that ugly despair.

It was like it had been with Bastien. It had been the last straw to break the camel's back, the last he was able to carry with him, and no more.

And the funny thing was that the decision wasn't even hard, because it took just a glance at Gido, a small amount of wondering, and Frau was certain of what had to be done. Whether or not he liked it, he had to get Ayanami's ass back here safely only – and _only_ – for Teito. He was not going to put him through any more suffering.

Frau knew one other thing as well – Teito was coming with them. It wasn't much of a decision than it was a fact. He knew Teito wouldn't be able to sit idly by and wait for their return. Neither of them was made for that stuff. Also, if he was going because Gido did, then there was no good excuse to leave Teito behind. Not that he needed one. Frau was rather sure Asyl would go along with his plan and strap Teito to her back to ensure he goes back to earth at last.

“Does it hurt?” Absent-mindedly Frau listened to Gala's chatter while she fussed over a cut Teito had received.

“It burns,” was his only statement.

If anyone had asked Frau he would have pointed out the wound to be an excellent reason to force Teito to stay where he was safe. The cut was long and clean, done with a sharp edge, a bit longer than half of Teito's forearm, but that wasn't the worrisome part. The worrisome part was that it was black around the edges and bubbling like hot tar and Frau wouldn't have been surprised to see steam rising from Teito's arm. However it did not, but he wasn't sure if that was a good sign after all. Maybe no steam was actually bad – he didn't know, and he certainly did not want to need that knowledge, ever.

Castor would probably laugh if he ever heard him say it, but all Frau could think about this situation was that none of the bibles he had ever actually read had warned him about it. A fact which, in all honesty, was good enough to make him panic some.

“What are we doing next?” he asked, when Gido returned to their side. Frau was more anxious than he liked to admit, and he did everything he could to not let it show. Not that any of it mattered in front of Gido. A raised eyebrow answered him. “All right, _how_ do you plan on figuring out who did this and who has any interest in Verloren in the first place? 'Cause I got no fuckin' clue.”

Gido glanced over to where Parlan had been until a moment ago, and now only Pantaleon was left. “Parlan's off to get Nova, he said she probably wants to join our party.”

“ _How_ ,” Frau repeated with twice as much emphasis. “If the rumours are true I get why Nova wants to come along and I get why Parlan has to go, he used to be in charge of The Book of Hades – it's also obvious why me and Teito want to come. So how do you fit into this?” Frau's first guess had been himself, but that couldn't be true if Gido had thought about joining the search party right from the start. Which he had – he hadn't even asked Frau about his own plans, so either Gido had known what he would do or he had some other motive. – To Frau the answer was both.

“I'm good at finding things – people so to speak of, in this maze,” Gido smiled, so nonchalant it was hard to tell if he was lying or telling the truth. To Frau it seemed a bit like both, and less like a lie and more like Gido wanting to distract him from a whole alternate matter. “You could say I'm the only one who has something like a compass for this land...”

Was that so? Frau had heard the stories of how Gido every now and then brought in strays who were in their right mind – just like Teito, except that they had never been a vessel. It was likely Gido was telling the truth. “Are you going to tell me how it works when I'm going to ask you?”

“I might.”

“Okay, how does it work?”

Amused, Gido replied, “I already taught you.”

Frau furrowed his brows in confusion at that, but only for a moment. Then it dawned on him. “You're using the darkness to mark locations and distances – but I can do that too, and others probably as well...” tilting his head in question, Frau eyed him. “Unless you really are some sort of expert at this, I don't see why there would be need for you.”

“As it happens, I am,” Gido grinned smugly.

“That's exactly what I would say,” Frau rolled his eyes. “You can go ahead and admit that you're scared something will happen to me,” he added, sharing Gido's grin for a while, and they both laughed a little.

“You don't seem worried or bothered yourself, though,” Gido noted after a while. “Not scared the brat will hurt himself?”

Gido's words had him chewing on the inside of his lip. “Lots...” Frau admitted at last. “But he'd go crazy if somebody forced him to stay. I know that's what I'm like so I'm in no position to argue about it.”

“Ready to go!” Teito scooted over, triumphantly showing his bandaged arm. “So where are we heading?” His eyes turned to Frau, whose eyes turned to Gido.

“We're going to pay The Guardian of The Cuvere a visit. I'll explain the details later, let's wait at the gate – Parlan said he'd be there.”

However it was not Parlan, but Fea who awaited them, and Frau watched amused as Teito started babbling the instant he got to see him. The joy Fea's company brought was written plain across his face; obviously, Teito had found something to revitalize himself.

Gido huffed. “You're never that cute,” he observed as they both watched them.

“Excuse you, that's in no way comparable. They're uncle and nephew reunited and you were all I wanted to be when I was kid – of course I was going to fuck that up.”

“You've always been adorable in your own way...” Gido sighed deeply, but with obvious affection. “Your crush on me was so cute. I've had cavities from it multiple times.”

“I. Did. Not. Have. A Crush. On. You.” Frau stated adamantly, hoping his ears weren't as red as they felt.

“You so fuckin' did and it was adorable as hell,” Gido said, glancing at him with the same amount of overflowing affection as he had spoken before. “What? It's been years, I think it's cute – we can talk about this.”

“We're so not talking about this.” Gido laughed as Frau's words merged into incomprehensible grumbling. “Where exactly is that guardian?” Frau asked, changing the subject and pretending he hadn't heard a word.

“No idea,” Gido admitted, crossing his arms. “Parlan knows, so that's good enough for me.”

With a sigh Frau slumped back against a wall. “Man I wish we could fly the distance...” He didn't know what to make of Gido's silence and the way the other escaped his glance. He seemed obviously uneasy with the thought. “I was thinking of Hawkziles ya know...” he added in a mutter, and returned the grin Gido replied with, triumphantly. So Hawkziles were a safe bet after all. Besides, flying himself was much more fun than staying on a ship – Unless that ship was Gido's.

* * *

As far as Gido's explanations went, The Guardian of the Cuvere was a deity in charge of The Realm of Hades on this side, which extended to looking after the souls in this part of Heaven, so each would be where they were meant to be. It also meant corrective measures if things were out of bounds. Frau figured most of these problems were caused by kors, and Gido confirmed the thought. Parlan had spoken surprisingly little, though. He only had made additions to some of the things Gido had said, his focus clearly on something else. Although Frau hadn't the foggiest idea of what that could be.

There was nothing but gardens here. Garden after garden after garden, his eyes were growing tired of it and his mind was paying less and less attention to what was around them. Heaven posed no imminent threat, and whatever might dare to come up to him would become friendly with his fists in no time.

It was less like stepping through a door, similar to what teleporting felt like. A haze of impressions and colours spinning around, shapes forming and diffusing before they could make sense. Below them a grid of numbers and names stretched out, but above them there seemed to be no ceiling. From what he knew Frau guessed this was what the Realm of Hades would look like.

Frau thought about asking how Parlan had been able to determine the exact spot to enter this place, but postponed the question. “So... where's that deity we've been talking of?” he asked.

“The Guardian will find us,” Parlan replied.

Frau groaned, “You've got no idea, don't you?” His eyes scanned the sheer endless grid below them. Each field had a number and for a moment he was left to wonder on whose soul he was standing on right now. “Does that mean... we have to wait?”

“Yes,” Nova replied, without missing a beat.

Frau sighed, turning to Teito who had already begun wandering, and decided to follow him. “What's up?”

“I wonder which of these is Ayanami's...” he said, glancing at Frau. “Which one belonged to my father, or your parents? They're all here, they're so close and yet...” Teito trailed off, grabbing for something which wasn't there.

“They're no closer than they have been before,” Frau replied with a shrug. Admittedly that thought was pulling some strings around his heart, but it didn't make him feel much different from before. “C'mere,” Frau wrapped an arm around Teito's shoulders and ran a hand through his hair. “It'll be alright, you'll see. We'll find Ayanami soon enough.”

“I hope we do. I don't want him to be executed.”

Frau didn't know what to say to that, so he kept carding his fingers through Teito's brown strands. Even if Ayanami hadn't been taken to another part of Heaven, Parlan had explained how it would quicken their search by consulting The Guardian. Frau hadn't questioned that; he only hoped they were right. Turning to Parlan, he said, “think this is gonna take long?”

“Usually it doesn't.”

Even with turning two blind eyes, the sigh that was heard could not be called anything but exasperated. “What is he doing here? What is the kid doing here? Oh my God, could you have done an even shittier job at keeping Verloren in check? I was rooting for you morons.” The Guardian was standing right between Parlan and Gido, glaring at them and frowning at Teito, when Frau turned around to see where the voice was coming from. “Explanations please, I haven't got all day. What is the kid”, they pointed at Teito, “doing here?”

It was kind of hard to describe the deity which had surfaced apparently from thin air, although that wasn't out of the ordinary in this place. However, it made Frau wonder just how exactly they had found them. The Guardian appeared to be deity made of... light. Frau didn't know how else to describe it. It wasn't blinding, but it was definitely the common perception of light, forming the shape of a person, however the gender, if any applied at all, was near impossible to tell. A flutter here and there gave the appearance of wavy, flowing clothes, or maybe they didn't wear any at all – that was hard to tell too. Frau figured there was something that reminded him of Magdalen, or maybe it was just their tone.

“I'm here to find Ayanami, of course!” Teito didn't miss a beat.

“You're so adorable,” The Guardian sighed, rubbing their temples. “And that's so not going to happen”, they added dryly. “So get your ass over here, I'm gonna take care of you. Don't be scared, it's utterly painless, I promise,” The Guardian said, but their tone suggested that they had no real idea if it was true.

“I'm–“

“He's not going anywhere!” Frau interrupted Teito, one arm protectively shielding him. “Unless it's with us.”

“Oh?” The Guardian cocked their head. “It seems I didn't make myself clear.”

“Please, can't you make an exception for him?” Parlan interrupted and The Guardian studied him. “Please,” he repeated. “That boy was the vessel of Verloren's body, he's like us. He fought and died for the same goal as us, you have to allow him to bring an end to it with us.”

“I'm sorry, that's beyond my power,” they replied, and Frau made a mental note of how they meaningfully glanced at Gido.

Parlan furrowed his brows. “I don't think I understand.”

The Guardian sighed. “I can smuggle him out, but it would only speed up the process.”

“What process?” Frau and Teito asked in unison, confused.

“He will become like the rest of them,” the calm in The Guardian's voice seemed almost nonchalant. “I can't stop it, and I'd rather avoid smuggling him out under these circumstances,” they dryly added, “you know, I'm by far the last to play by the rules.” Their eyes fixed on Gido for a moment. There seemed to be a silent dialogue between the two of them which ended with an exasperated sigh on The Guardian's side. Fine – whatever, was what The Guardian's postured told them. “I can't let him go though, there's no way around that.” The deity crossed their arms.

“You have to make an exception,” Frau tried pressing the matter.

“No I don't, actually,” The Guardian said crisply.

And that was that. The former Ghosts kept trying to change The Guardian's mind for a while longer, but it was fruitless.

“However... just like the church, this place,” a wave of their hand “slows the process down. As it is, this place is somewhat beyond the rules of Heaven, so if you want you could stay.” The Guardian turned their head towards Teito, who gaped back. “I would let you stay, and when you turn I will send you to The Chief of Heaven. That wouldn't go against the rules, and besides, I wouldn't mind some company.” A smile adorned their face.

There was no immediate answer. Teito was silent, clenching his teeth by the looks of it, and obviously his fists. If there was one thing above all else that Teito didn't like, it was being told no, and The Guardian was doing exactly that. However much Teito would love to defy them, there had to be one tiny speck of reason inside him. One tiny drop of common sense, just knowing that it wouldn't help their cause, doing more harm than good. “How fast would I turn into one of those damn things?” Teito asked, his voice surprisingly calm and his stance poised.

“At this rate...” The Guardian trailed off. “I suppose a week at most. Which could be just enough to find who you're looking for and bring an end to him. However, it's something I can't guarantee, so if you want to see things come to an end...”

“And if I stay here?” Teito was flexing his hands, obviously troubled by the fact that he couldn't, or didn't, want to lash out.

“I can guarantee you around ten to fourteen days. Your soul has already spent a long time in Heaven, it's about time you turned,” The Guardian said, lowering their head a little. “It's your choice, but if you don't stay I will have to take you to the Chief of Heaven.”

“What would happen besides that if you let me out?” Teito pressed, determined.

For a long while The Guardian didn't answer, and at last they glanced at Gido and said. “We would all be in deep shit, no sugar-coating it.” Their stare met Teito's. “So what is it boy, The Chief or this place?”

Still Teito didn't answer, instead he followed their gaze towards Gido, while Frau made a mental note to ask about that at some point. Something was up between the two of them, and he would figure out what it was eventually. Teito's gaze wandered around and stopped when his eyes met Frau's. There was a little tilt of his head, a small rueful glance in his eyes, and Frau understood. He hated it, Frau knew, he hated it with all his guts, but he would stay. “Promise me,” he said in that earnest, clear-eyed way which always made him so much more mature.

Frau closed his eyes for a bit, rubbing them and nodding. “Yeah, sure,” he said as he looked up, a small smile on his lips. How could he ever even think of denying that damn brat a damn thing? Of course he would get Ayanami back before Teito loses all his senses. Of course he will make sure that Teito gets to see the end of this. How was that even a question?

So it took a glance, nothing more, and Frau knew. A quiet laugh escaped his lips, as he closed his eyes and gave in. Teito was already dead-set on doing this, if it meant he wouldn't have to go back. “All right,” he replied, running a hand through Teito's hair. “We're gonna get back here, so I'll be able to see you... so, I guess it's okay. Just don't think about following us.”

“I won't!” Teito objected, but his protests were muffled by a kiss. Silenced, Teito sulked. “I won't,” he repeated firmly after a while. “I won't if you promise me to tell me about everything and that I get to speak to my uncle.” Frau wondered if it could be considered an improvement that Teito referred to him as that now.

“I promise.” Frau grasped for his hand, holding it tight. “It can't take that long to find him, can it?” he added with a thin smile. The thought of leaving Teito behind, even like this, even with knowing that he would return, pained him. The knowledge that at some point he would come here to find Teito as absent-minded as the strays gnawed at his heart.

Teito nodded, lowering his gaze before it fled towards Gido and Nova and Parlan, finally fixing on The Guardian. “I'll stay,” he said, calm, but Frau knew better. “Just let me say goodbye.” The Guardian nodded, silently giving their allowance.

They bid their goodbyes as The Guardian had a set of doors appear around them with a flick of their wrist. Each of those was meant to take them to one of Ayanami's possible whereabouts. For a moment Frau considered splitting up, but that was a rather stupid idea considering how they needed Gido to show them the way, it seemed. Parlan seemed to rely on that and Nova as well, although she had been rather quiet throughout their encounter with The Guardian.

“One more thing.” The Guardian beckoned their attention. “I need a print of your zaiphon”, they held up a blank page of the book. “It will make transporting you around and picking you up immensely easier.” Nobody knew how to object to that, so everyone complied. “For the time being, I will assign a special set of numbers to your souls – it won't overwrite the original number, so don't worry.” And with that they were waved away, while the deity asked Teito if he wanted tea. Somehow the thought of a tea party in this place seemed surreal.

“So, where are we going?” Nova asked, her eyes fixed on Gido. “Any suggestions?”

“It's all muddled from here, can't tell where he might be.” He answered, and she sighed. “Let's go that way.” Gido pointed at one of the doors at random, it seemed.

Bracing himself, Frau followed the small procession through the door. Some childish notion made him want to grab for Gido's hand – he didn't, and he barely noticed how his hand went for the fur around his wrist instead once they emerged on the outskirts of a forest.

“I know this place, I've heard about it. This is Verloren's forest, isn't it?” Nova mentioned, and Parlan nodded.

“I've read about it,” he mentioned.

Frau figured it only made sense to look in this place first, since if Verloren had went off on his own after all and the kidnapping had only been some grand scheme to escape their grasp, they would most likely find him here. From what Teito had taught him, people who missed their memories would try to return to the places they could regain them. Ayanami had been especially eager in retrieving any part of Verloren.

The light was dim beneath the canopy of the forest, letting through only a few rays now and then, any clearing being the brightest place. It was warm like a calm summer's day, forever frozen in twilight. Frau supposed it was how the seasons seemed to stand still that made him feel at ease, though that thought didn't sit quite right with him. It was the only thing that made sense though, since the gardens in the church of Barsburg were evergreen thanks to Labrador. A small reminder of home. His musings on their surroundings quickly took form as they strolled down the old beaten tracks of the forest.

Birds were chirping, but Frau noticed how their song was different. It didn't take long for them to get lost within the woods; however, after some time they found an old withered signpost and the path seemed to split. Even if any of them had still remembered how to read the language of the Gods, they wouldn't have been able to decipher the writing. They were close to giving up and deciding which direction to go by chance when they heard a tiny voice.

“This way is the forest's lake.” – “Follow this path to get to the abandoned hut.” – “No, no, this way and you'll get out of the forest.”

“Lying little shits! It's nothing like that, you swapped Verloren's place with the exit,” Frau growled, glaring at the chubby birds gathered upon the signs.

“No, we didn't,” they chirped in unison.

“You did, you're _always_ lying,” Frau insisted and stopped, confused. He couldn't say how, but he knew his words were true. Those little fuckers would never give you the right direction.

Someone placed a hand on his arm, but it took him a while to realise it was Gido. “Are you sure it's like that?” Gido asked and all Frau could do was nod. The uncalled faith Gido had in his words, however, was just as comforting as it was baffling that those words would leave his mouth. “Then we'll go that way,” Gido announced, making Frau wish he could help when Nova and Parlan scrutinised them.

They got back to staring at him once they actually reached a clearing and found a small hut in the middle of a flower field. Frau really wished he knew some of the answers to their unspoken questions, or why this place made him feel so upset. “Something isn't right,” Frau announced, though uncertain. This time though there were no questions as they searched in and around the hut. It was futile, but nonetheless Frau couldn't get rid of the feeling that something was wrong. His bones, if he still had any, where aching with something unnamed wherever he turned in this place.

“Do you think he's hiding?” Someone suggested, but Frau could only shake his head and shrug in his own misery. With nothing to be done about the matter that Ayanami was in fact not present in this place, they left.

Teito was chatting with The Guardian when they returned, but wouldn't let them go until Frau had told him about what had happened. Although, Frau left out the incident at the signpost.

The next door they went through brought them to a city, which was surprisingly scarcely populated for its size. What they found was a shard of the Kokujyuseki, in a place infested with kors, who flew up like a crowd of crows when they found them. Neither of them dared to pick it up, but Frau found himself poking at it with a boot. The pitch black piece of stone shimmered in the bright light shining through a broken window. Something about this place wasn't quite right, though this time it was something different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had fun writing this one, I remember that much.  
> In the far off future I might write something dealing with the issue of Frau's soul and that then would answer more specifically why Gido is so upset that Ayanami killed him aside from the fact that nobody will survive hurting Frau if Gido gets a say in it. Might... *sighs*


End file.
